From the mouths of babes.....

A very Happy Mother's Day to every women whos has filled any important role in anyone's life. Our mothers - because we're all here because of them. Our grandmothers - who at times are better than moms because we get all the love (if not more) of a mother minus the pressure to behave or be responsible. Grannies love us no matter what. Our daughters - in whom we place our hearts the day they are born and also the hopes and prayers that they'll be even better than us some day. Our sisters - who we grew, played, fought, and made up with. Somewhere along the way to adulthood they turned into people we really liked. (or did we turn into people that they really liked finally?) And all of the roommates, neighbors, coworkers, and best friends that have been there for us. It matters not if it was to share a laugh, a trouble, a heartache, a grievance, or a joy. When a person is there to support you - that's what matters most.


WHY GOD MADE MOMS
 Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

 Why did God make mothers?
 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
 2. Mostly to clean the house.
 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 What ingredients are mothers made of?
 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

 Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
 1. We're related..
 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

 What kind of a little girl was your mom?
 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
 3. They say she used to be nice.

 What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
 1. His last name.
 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

 Why did your mom marry your dad?
 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

 Who's the boss at your house?
 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
 2. Mom.. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
 3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

 What's the difference between moms and dads?
 1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends..
 4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

 What does your mom do in her spare time?
 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 What would it take to make your mom perfect?
 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

 If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Friday Facts 5/6/11

Happy Friday everybody! We made it to DC yesterday afternoon and I have to tell you it's so nice not to have to travel for a few days. *whew* We're sight seeing today and meeting up with the boy who is the whole reason we're here. He got to fly out with his BPA group and is staying in the Omni. He competed Wednesday morning and we find out results tomorrow at the awards banquet. While we are not staying in the Omni, our place is nice, roomy, clean and has a big bed and a sizeable shower. Both have been thoroughly tried out and tested, I assure you. ;)

Now I offer up Volume 4 of Friday Facts. I would love it if you play along too!

Did you know.......

• I sometimes snort when I laugh? Can't be helped. I laugh a lot. The snorting might be obnoxious or stupid to others. I choose to believe it's adorable.
• I got my first marriage proposal in 4th grade? From a boy named Warren. He asked me in front of the entire class. I was so embarrassed. If looks could kill he would've died that day.
• that I have 5 piercings on my body? I'll let you guess where they are.
• I birthed both of my kiddos without a drop of painkiller? Not intentionally - they both just came really fast. Impatient. Like their mama.
• I've had 5 sex partners, total? A few more if you count oral and hands only.
• that my favorite food is chicken? I could fix it every day and never tire of it.
• I'm a really good cook? I love to do it and get great satisfaction by serving a delicious meal.
• that I absolutely get lost listening to classical music? My favorites lately have been Beetoven and Vivaldi.
• I found out in 5th grade the truth about  Santa Claus? I didn't mind. I liked knowing the secret. I was mored devestated when my son found out. He never said a word, but I know the exact moment it happened.
• that I had a country music phase? From 1990-1994. It's about all I listened to. I've since moved on but I dabble occasionally.
• my favorite fragrance is lavender? Especially combined with vanilla, chamomile, or lemon. Or plain. The scent is everywhere in my home. I have room spray, oil warmers, linen and pillow mist, body lotion and perfume.
• that my favorite thirst quencher is a tie between lemonade or iced tea? Putting the two together would seem logical. No. Ewww. That's just gross. No mixing, thank you. I don't even like a slice of lemon near my iced tea.
• I'm having a really good hair day today? It's silly how much that can affect my mood, but I have an extra spring in my step just because of it. :D
• that petroleum based lip balm makes a suitable lube for an impromptu handjob while driving? You have to mash it up in your hand first. And while I'm thinking of it - Marcus, I apologize for admonishing you about proper "10 and 2" hand placement a few weeks ago. "10 and cock in the seat next to you" is no better. *blush*

That's all I have time for before we leave, but as always, whatever you're having - have a good one!

HNT 5/5/11 Peek

I was on the road again last evening after a day of playing tourist with Od and as we began our long drive, (google maps and I need to have a sit down about time estimations) I got bored and started fiddling with the car features. (still learning the new vehicle) So there I was checking out the sun visor mirror and had a great idea. I wanted to play with the limited view and the evening sun. I tried to capture my new hair color, but was having shit luck. Couldn't get the right angle. However, I could manage a gratuitous down the cleavage shot pretty well, so here ya go :

And not really half-nekkid - but because I liked the view - Od makes his HNT debut :

So there you have it. Just a little bit of road fun.

For those who requested it - I did attempt a few ass shots but it was a no go. iPhone cameras and harsh hotel lighting are NOT a girl's best friend.

I'll get to it. Promise.

I'm off to have something with tequila in it.

*smooch*

TMI Tuesday 5/3/11

I've been riding in the car all day reading blogs, listening to podcasts, and being a co-pilot extraordinaire. FINALLY - 3 hours past ETA we are in North Carolina. Google Maps is a big fat liar. I'm exhausted, Od is more than exhausted (I hope he can hang in there long enough to "snuggle"), but I still want to play along with TMI this week because I've loved reading all your answers. And of course, I have my 2 cents to toss in. When don't I? :)

This week's TMI credit goes to Hedone and Heels n Stockings.

TMI Tuesday: Seven Deadly Sins
1. LUST (excessive sexual appetites): Besides your current significant other, for whom do you lust or who have you lusted for in the past? Does your significant other know about your lustful desires?
My celebrity crush is Robert Pattinson. Od knows. I've seen the Twilight films, but he never caught my eye until well after the first movie was released. I saw a magazine cover and realized he has blue eyes IRL. And is English. And adorably unassuming. And musical. And, and , and...........can look like this :

......and like this :

.....and like this :

.....and just one more :

This look is the reason Sham-Wow panties should be invented!

 2. GLUTTONY (over-indulgence): What food brings out your inner glutton?
Cheesy popcorn. There's no such thing as a serving. There's a full bag and an empty bag. Oh and fresh gooey chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmmmm

3. GREED (avarice): When it comes to sex, what are you greedy for? When it comes to things, what is it that you want more than your need or deserve?
I suppose it could be said that I'm greedy to have things my way. I'm more particular than my husband. But that's not to say that I'm not giving, and that he doesn't get opportunities for things to be all about him. Right now I'm greedy for a nice rough long fuck that leaves me thoroughly satisfied. And a fun spanking.

Things. I love things. But I try not to collect stuff for the sake of having. If I don't use it, then it's gotta go. But art supplies? If  I like a certain supply I HAVE to have it in every available color. Ya know....just in case. :)

4. SLOTH (idleness/procrastination): Name a task or activity in which you perpetually procrastinate?
Almost everything. When prepping for a class I'm more creative under pressure. I wake up at the latest possible time. Then hit snooze a few times. I put off laundry way too long. I coast into gas stations on fumes before I refill the tank. (bad I know. shhh. don't tell Od. he's a car freak and hates when I do that!) But I always, Always, ALWAYS do my best to be on time. Being late is rude and inconsiderate.

5. WRATH (anger) is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.
a. Describe a time that you were very angry?
b. Have you ever been so angry that you thought about revenge? Did you seek it?
I was very angry April 8th, 2006. I've never been so close to punching someone in my entire life. I could've taken him, too. Cops were called. Restraining orders filed. (against him, not me) Father/son relationship severed. It was a bad day. We officially earned our White Trash badge. (it came complimentary with the restraining order)

So angry I thought about revenge? Sure. Acted on it? No. It's a form of hate and ultimately self-damaging.

6. ENVY (jealousy): Who or what do you envy? Why?
I envy anyone with beautiful flawless skin that holds a tan and never breaks out.

7. PRIDE (vanity) is the love of one's own excellence, and it is considered the worst of the 7 Deadly Sins.

a. When preparing to meet a lover, what are you most vain about?
Having a fresh pedicure, a good hair day, and sexy lingerie on underneath.
b. What sexual skill are you overly proud and boastful about?
Head. I've always received compliments - even back as a beginner. I'm much much better now. Lots of practice this past year and a half. Oh - and for some reason my hip action. I had a boyfriend who was mesmerized whenever we made out. He liked me on his lap. With his hands full of my ass as I ground on him. He would pull away from our kiss just to watch. It spurred me on!
c. What part of your body are you proud of, boastful about?
Collarbone and shoulders, small of the back. They feel sexy no matter what. And my ass was always a trademark in school. I don't know about now. Od loves it, but after a long winter of sitting on it while blogging it could use a few more trips to the Y! Also I was once told I had a pretty mouth. (not by a guy)

Bonus:  What sin do you think is your greatest virtue? For example, what bad thing makes you more appealing?
Absolutely my lust for others keeps my marriage fun. I get worked up and my man reaps the benefits. And my dirty mind makes me a more adventurous lover. I can't wait to see what else this year brings me!

Not really a lunch date (Part 1)

Two and  a half weeks after the fact and a lot of thought processing later, I'm still not sure how to tell this story - so let's just jump in, okay?

Od and I are still playing with chastity. Dipping our toes. He seems happy to play along and abide by the rules. Rules are :

• no masturbation for Od
• Freya teases or pleases him as she wishes
• Od pleases Freya as she wishes

Seems pretty simple. I was drawn to the idea of male chastity because it would tie his sexuality in with mine, and cause a more intimate bond. Truth be told, things aren't much different now than they were before except we're both admitting that it's on purpose. He masturbated before, but based on his description not as much as most men. And since he typically waited for me to initiate sex, that hasn't changed much either. What's been fun to see happen is that since his orgasm is off the table unless I indicate otherwise, he's become much more interested in mine. It didn't seem right at first, to be the only person getting off.

I enjoy the male orgasm very much. The lust that drives it, the intensity with which it occurs, muscles tensing, hips flexing in telltale ways, the sounds - everything that comes with it. It's much more showy than a typical female orgasm.  It never occurred to me that he felt the same way about mine. He loves the sounds I make so much that he's admitted it gets him aroused enough almost to the point of cumming when he's going down or using his fingers. And during sex they instantly set him off, when and if I'm lucky to finish first - or at all. Which is the sticky situation we've come to. (pardon the puns)

It's becoming almost impossible for him not to cum. We have a lot of toys that can be used when we play, or when I play alone. I'm really good at figuring out what my body is craving when I decide to play, or when he expresses a wish to make me cum and I agree. But toys don't always fit the bill. I can only go for so long without wanting - needing - to be fucked. Ideally this could happen without his orgasm - but it never does. I've resigned myself to this fact. It's not uncommon in the practice of chastity. But most of those other female partners seem to prefer oral sex over penetration. Not me. *sigh...........* (for the record, that's not a wistful sigh - it's one of frustration)

We've tried many remedies except numbing cream - going slower, condoms, penis sleeves, even using a strap-on. (logistics were amusing with that device, but he still got enough friction from the sheets to cum all over the bed and my ass) There's just no way he's not gonna cum. And it's frustrating because either way, I'm not getting what I want. We could give up chastity and just have sex whenever I feel like it knowing that he'll cum and by doing so give up the benefits of a closer, more intense and intimate relationship. Or, we could continue on with chastity and just not have sex. I can still get off when I feel like it with or without him - it just won't ever be in the way that I prefer. This makes me disappointed, frustrated, and sad. There was a glimmer of having everything the way I wanted, only to find out that it's not up to me to fix this. It's up to him. And he won't. Can't. Whatever. He says it's because he's out of shape. Which he is. And I'm not even going to lie and say that he was super enduring to start with, but it was long enough, ya know? Now it's not. Ever.

And that Tuesday evening was when I ran out of patience and faith that chastity was possible for us. We were using a penis sleeve and had moved to switch positions, and I asked if he wanted to try out the Liberator wedge. He gave me an unsure look and said "Do you want to?" as if it was too much trouble.
"Why not?" I asked, knowing it was right inside the closet and could be in place in 5 seconds.
"I didn't think you would want to."
"Why wouldn't I want to?" My libido was nosediving at this point. Wasting time, wasting time..........
"Oh. Because I came already."
Well, fuck.
"Um, I guess I don't want to now. You've kind of killed it for me." And just like that - Game Over.

He could've kept going. The particular sleeve we have is firm enough. He could've faked it. When I know he's done I have a hard time keeping interest enough to finish because the sense of panic sets in. 'Oh God, do I have enough time?' I'd rather not cum under duress. Actually I typically can't.

So I get up and leave to use the bathroom and collect myself for a few minutes. I want to be sensitive when we talk about this, but he also needs to understand the continued level of frustration I'm experiencing.
So we talk. I tell him that he killed my lady boner - so to speak - and he understood that. I asked him if he knew the difference between tease and denial and being left high and dry. Yeah, he got that. Tease and denial is intentional. It's expected. You know what's going to not happen. Leaving someone hanging is just disappointing. Frustrating. Depressing, almost. I mentioned to him that he had no idea what that felt like. And it's true, he doesn't know. A lot of women do. I wouldn't guess that a single one appreciates it either.

I'm aware that there are times when things just don't work out. It happens. No big deal. But this was becoming the norm, not the exception.

We got dressed and went on with our evening. I was in the kitchen getting a drink, casting glances at him. The kind that say 'I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to say a word'. I wasn't being passive-aggressive. Just guarding my words carefully. If they start to spill, there's no stopping them and I didn't want to say too much and hurt his feelings. I want to better the situation, not worsen it. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the utensil crock and offered it to me with a slight grin and said "Would using this on me make you feel any better?"

He was being cheeky, but it worked. I couldn't help but smile. "Yes it would, but I'm not in the mood for it now" I told him followed by a big sigh.

We sat on the couch like bookends, I was working on the laptop and he was watching t.v. while surfing the internet on the netbook. I kept glancing over at him thinking I was never going to get fucked properly. It started messing with my head and I must have been sighing the whole time. After awhile he shut the netbook and pitifully said "Why don't you just beat me and get it over with?" I shook my head at him.
"Can't. Kids will hear you." I was only half-teasing.

He eventually got up to go to bed and kissed me, offering his flesh one last time.
"Are you sure...........?" he let the question dangle enticingly.
I seriously considered my options for a moment.
"You know what? Come home for lunch tomorrow."
"Okay."

Did he understand what he was agreeing to?
 He'd find out soon enough.

(to be continued)

Friday Facts 4/29/11

Not too much to explain people. I'm Freya and these are facts about me. Volume 3 I believe. So in the name of useless information.......

Did you know :

• that I have dimples when I smile? I got them from my daddy. My mom tells me I've had 'em since the first time I smiled at her and it's one of his traits that she was happy to see passed on.
• I am no longer a dirty blonde? *pouts* I was meant to become a dirty blonde with two tones of highlights. What I ended up being was a redhead. It seems I'm one of a few people whose hair doesn't react normally to hair color. (see? statistical freak, I tell ya) I can't decide if it will grow on me or if it needs remedied. That fun day was only a notch on the post I like to refer to as "How many ways can Freya be pissed off?"
• that I have forgotten how badly kitty scratches hurt like a motherfucker - until recently? I'm well reminded. Good thing she's cute.
• I will be visiting our nation's capital next week? I could use some recommendations on what to see and what to skip. I've never been. I'm excited.
• that I really, really like frogs? About 10 years ago I discovered my adoration for the amphibious creatures. Don't know why - but I like 'em!
• my favorite sex position is plain old boring missionary? It works for me. Usually every time. Not so much lately, though. :(
• that I have a cute little mole on my left cheek? Ummm.....my lower left cheek. It may or may not make an appearance in a future HNT. No promises. (but it is kinda cute)
• I grew up in a house that was part of the underground railroad? I think it was built in 1834. We had a sand and brick floored cellar that was really creepy where the washer and dryer was kept and I refused to go down there for the longest time. I would toss my dirty clothes down the stairs then slam the door and run away as fast as I could. Also, my sister swears she saw a ghost. I never did - thank God.
• I don't think I could live out west? We travelled to the Grand Canyon by car and while it was nice, all the red rock and dirt and general lack of green made me feel anxious. On the way home we got to Missouri before things started to feel "right" to me. It was the sound of wind blowing through leafy trees that did it.
• that I believe gays have the right to marry and I am pro-choice. Not looking for a debate and not shoving my beliefs in anyone's face - but there you have it.

I'm out of facts for this week, but consider playing along. Marcus did, so go take a look!

And as always, have a good weekend lovies. *kiss*

A Dip and A Swing

It was inevitable and hit me pretty hard, but the rollercoaster that I call marriage  finally took a dip.
You can only ride so high for so long.
It was only a little dip, but it caused my mood to swing in every which way but calm and rational.
It wasn't pretty.
It was almost every frustration that could possibly occur jam packed into two weeks.

It all started innocently enough. I was in the middle of writing a post about my peculiar lunchdate with my husband. It's still in draft form after starting it three times. It's next I promise.
So my brain was already wrapped around the delicate nature of our new relationship when the old demons decided to join my thoughts.

I had planned on yardwork all weekend - weather permitting. It was high priority and was driving me a little crazy every time I walked by a window. Cluttered patio. Sticks and dandelions in the yard. Leaves in the gutters. Car in the driveway that should be in the garage. Garage that needs to be cleaned so car can go in.

The list was snowballing. So was my impatience. We have to take advantage of the breaks in the weather. There's no "when I feel like doing it" around here or it never gets done. And that's where we were. I go to find Od on a beautiful, sunny afternoon - ready to tackle the yardwork - and he's playing XBOX.

We have an issue with gaming in our house. I'm sure we're not the only ones. Od purchased his very own XBOX when he got addicted to our son's console a few years ago. And he was pretty much parked in front of it for the better part of those years. Needless to say I hate it. When a game gets in the way of a productive functioning life it's a big problem. One I thought we'd solved.

There was a situation a few months ago where I had the opportunity to explain to my husband exactly how much I resented his attitude about gaming. We came to an agreement. He asks to play and has a time limit. He did well with those rules. Mostly. Until the answer was "no" when he asked to play. Until he played for too long and begged off with the lame excuse of not checking the time. Oops. I didn't buy it. He was pushing the limit.

Then on a sunny day where yardwork awaits I can't find my husband. Only I know exactly where I would find him. Sitting downstairs on the usual loveseat, with his stupid headset on, slouched down in gamer's position, looking up at me like "what?" while darting glances back at the t.v. so he can react quickly enough in case his character becomes threatened.

My patience officially expired in that moment. All of the other things on our to-do list were brought into light right next to the yardwork that seemed doomed to NEVER. GET. DONE.

Add in sexual frustration that we'd been struggling with, planning a trip, trying to agree on a few major purchases (which we never do), and on and on..............

I lost my shit. And then I went into a funk. Bad mood doesn't even cover it.
And here's the thing : when I've convinced myself how bad things are, I'm not easily unconvinced.
It takes improvement in the current situation, and time.
Only improvements were slow-coming and I kept taking hits to my mood.
I was having my own pity party where the main course was Disappointment and Anger was the entertainment. It was quite an event. Ran for the better part of 10 days. Luckily it's fizzled out now.

Was it seasonal? Too much stress? Too much thinking? Not enough sex (of the kind worth having)?
I don't know, but after catching up on blog reading that I missed I realize that I'm not the only one.
Others are having sexual issues, are pissed off about work, have too much on their to-do lists, are making themselves crazy with overthinking, and have been in funks of their own.
I'm sorry for your troubles, but it's nice to know it's not just me.

Two good things came from this episode. I had an epiphany and I learned a valuable lesson.

Epiphany : Most of what has upset me in my life is due to a loss of control. It's something that I need to feel balanced and at peace. When I don't have it I get edgy and feel out of sorts. I don't feel the need for micro-management. In fact I hate that. I'd prefer my day-to-day life be a well oiled machine that runs easily and dependably. I don't want anything unreasonable. It's just -  enough with the unwanted, unnecessary roadblocks, please?

Valuable lesson : Stop waiting for a frustrating problem to solve itself. Take matters into your own hands and remove the frustration. Ironically, I learned this lesson from Od. He decided to purchase our daughter her third cell phone in 18 months' time because he got frustrated with listening to her complain about her used and abused phone not working. Even though we had previously decided to make her learn her lesson the hard way by going without or settling on our old backup phone. I quickly got on board with his way of thinking and removed a longtime frustration of my very own. Any guesses?

I'll be back later today with this week's Friday Facts. I know I skipped last week, but trust me when I tell you that you were spared. It would have been a long list that read like this :

Did you know :

• that my husband is an asshole?
• my mattress is a piece of shit?
• that all employees of the DMV are miserable cunts?

Yeah. It was that bad.
But it's better, or getting there anyway.

See you in a bit!