The first time

Do you remember your first time?

Lola over at Sex Babble  has been running a fun series called Monday Memories, and today is the Big First. Losing your V card. Being deflowered. Popping your cherry. All of these euphemisms are pretty stupid for something that should be (or is expected to be) a monumental event. Was yours monumental? Mine wasn't. Memorable, yes. I even remember the exact date. And what I wore. Well, what I was wearing before it all came off!

I was 15 and my boyfriend (who shared so many of my firsts) was 2 days away from turning 16. I'm sure we'd been toying with the idea for a few months. More like he'd been trying to convince me. He kept saying "just think about it" and I did. Eventually I gave in because I had no real reason for saying no. I was never pressured as a girl to save myself for marriage and I clearly remember having that debate with myself. Did I want to wait until marriage? Would I feel like a sinner if I had premarital sex? Would I regret my actions? No, no, and no. I never did ask myself another important question : was I ready? Thinking back, no I wasn't ready. I wasn't dying to lose my virginity. Barely more than curious. But doing it with my boyfriend who'd been a part of my life, first as a friend, then as much more was compelling. We had comfort and familiarity and I knew he wasn't taking advantage of me and that he really, really wanted to be with me. It was a safe option. Not so romantic like you'd want your first time to be, but it was sweet.

The day was planned ahead of time because we had the day off from school (Christmas break I think) and his mom was at work. His older brother was away at college. House to ourselves. Perfect. I'd been a little obsessed over the particulars for the whole week. I didn't want to bleed on the sheets because his mom would see the stains on them when she did laundry. My genius solution was to have sex in the bathroom. (easy cleanup afterwards) It was a big room and was carpeted, so not as bad as it sounds. I used the excuse of his waterbed being too sloshy and uncomfortable and he bought it. What was he gonna say? No? He would've agreed to anything by then. :)

We started out in his room making out and stripping our clothes from each other and doing a little dry, then wet humping. It was thrilling that his boy parts were touching my girl parts for the first time! Not smart to do, I know, I know........but still. You know that feels good. He must've been watching some decent porn or hearing stories from his brother because nobody else has ever done that to me since without me asking.

We went into the bathroom and laid a towel down and brought the condoms with us. The light was right overhead shining in my face and I asked him to turn it off. That actually made it very nice. It was pitch black in there and the sensory deprivation made me aware of his touch and our sounds so much more. I don't recall that we said much but he kissed me a lot and spent a long time on my neck and breasts before he leaned back to roll the condom on. He  used his hand to guide his cock to me and nudged up a little bit and waited. He leaned down slowly to me and when he finally reached my face for another kiss he was all the way in. It was a very odd sensation. I didn't bleed (which I found out afterwards, so my worries were pointless) and it didn't really hurt. He was holding still asking me if I was okay, and when I let out the breath I was holding I really felt everything. Without the pain to focus on I was taking stock of the unique and bizarre sensation of being stretched and filled. My face was hot and flushed and my blood pressure must have sky rocketed because after that all I heard mostly was my pulse in my ears.

I felt fine and he started to move inside me and after a few thrusts I tested out my own hip action and gave him some returning motion. It was.........not bad. It was intense having that movement inside my body, but otherwise I enjoyed it. The act itself lasted a few minutes maybe and I wish I could remember what his reaction was. Nothing is coming to mind. I don't think he made much noise. Most teenagers probably don't, needing to be discreet when fooling around!

After we laid there and got our breath back, we turned the lights on and cleaned up, went back to his bed and curled up with each other all day until it was time for his mom to be home. Of course we threw our clothes back on, raced downstairs and turned a movie on and acted innocent. When she dropped me off at my house I ran to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day trying to wrap my head around what we'd done. I felt different, but not. I was excited to share my news with my friends, but also wanted to protect the shared secret of intimacy. I waited about a week before I caved and told them. It wasn't a big deal. Nobody was shocked, it wasn't scandalous and thank god I never got the stigma of being a high school slut. We were together on and off (mostly on) for another year before we finally broke up for the last time. We grew up a lot in that year and had some amazing fun together. There's some good stories to tell. ;)

I'll never forget my first and I can say that I'm absolutely glad it was with him.

Has anyone seen my muse?

I've had a loss of mojo lately. Uh...writing mojo that is. All my other mojo is just fine and dandy - even considering the feverish, stuffy nosed, scratchy throat cold that I have going on. (stupid boys and their cooties. serves me right for kissing him)

I have lots that I want to write about, but the urge to actually sit and write evades me. I've been a bad blogger in general. I need to catch up on reading posts, leaving comments, and replying to comments. I'm still here.......just being lazy.

 I think I have seasonal ADD. I'm still trapped inside (mostly) due to the weather, but there's enough signs outside that keep drawing my attention, making me long for Spring. I heard chirping birds on Friday. Sunshine has been making regular appearances. The daylight is lasting a little longer each day. I can tell. I've been stalking it. Other signs are unavoidable. My dog is a German Shepherd mix and his undercoat is shedding which means he looks like he has the mange. My son likes to pull the clumps out and leave them floating around the house. Fun, right? I'm not sure who I want to kick outside sooner, the boy or the dog!  :)

Od's piercing is healing very nicely and has been put through all the necessary tests. ;) Works just fine and we have no regrets. We've been talking recently about where our adventures are heading and there's some interesting changes on the horizon.......so stay tuned about that.

We've also been laughing a lot lately. Something that I love about us is our ability for humor. It's how we flirt, how we entertain ourselves, how we can judge the status of "us". Just this morning Od did some artful arrangement on his breakfast plate with two blueberry muffins and a strip of turkey bacon. He just left it there, waiting for me to notice. (inside we're both giggling 12 year olds, so it works) I picked up his muffins and rearranged them so less bacon was protruding and said "let's just make it a little more realistic". I love it when he makes me laugh, but I also love to get the last word!  :)

Seems like I had a lot to say for someone without a muse, huh? Anyway, the reason I'm posting is for some fun meme stealing. So here goes :

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? same thing as everyday when I look at my wild bedhead :  "oh my god"

2. How much cash do you have on you? $120 plus change. unusually large amount for me.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? sore

4. Favorite planet? uh...the one I'm on I suppose.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Julie

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? timba

7. What shirt are you wearing? grey tank. (same one as yesterday. don't judge. I'm sick.)

8. Do you label yourself? yeah, but I use removeable adhesive.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? the barefoot kind

10. Bright or Dark Room? bright. (?) I can always shut my eyes if I need dark. :)

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I don't know them.

12. What does your watch look like? silver/turquoise bracelet watch, but I never wear it.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? watching Underworld : Rise of the Lycans

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? it was a pic of daughter sent to me by Od that he took at grocery store. she had that spaced out "OMG this is so boring" look that all girls her age seem to wear these days. Just to mess with her I think I'll use it as her new contact photo on my phone.............

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? I have no idea. Next town over maybe? We have a lot of Speedways around here instead.

16. What's a word that you say a lot? My favorite curse is the F-bomb, and it's been pointed out that I sigh a lot. I even use that in my writing quite often. Did I use it in this post yet? Checking...............No! I can't believe it. I'm past due. It's like a little pressure valve. If I didn't sigh I think I'd explode like a pressure cooker.


Oh. I guess that's it. I was all ready for the next question and then - nothing. huh. Okay. I guess we're done for today. I have laundry to do (go figure!) and I'm getting my hair cut. TTFN!

HNT 3/3 (and a thank you)

I have enough southerner in me to feel the need to apologize for showing so many underthings this week, but something tells me y'all won't mind too much will ya?  ;)  Thought not.

So anyway - today's post is a dedicated "thank you" to someone who helped me out tremendously last week. Sorry, no click-thrus this week, but how about a two-fer? The second shot shows not one, but almost two of my most recent purchases. The first being a bra that does tricks and the second is......well let's just say it's charming!

I hope everyone has an uplifting, happy HNT!

Reading signals

Last week we had a bit of a situation in my household. Everytime I went to get dressed or change clothes I was out of something. First jeans, then workout clothes, and finally - comfy underwear. I think every woman knows what I mean here. Yeah sure, there were still options in my drawer, but they all involved something lacy or.....uh, stringy.  I wanted unlacy and unstringy.

I don't know about you, but when laundry levels reach emergency status that's when I threaten to fire the maid. Only problem.........I'm the maid. *sigh*

I pulled one of those "okay, tomorrow I'll get it all washed". (didn't happen)

I caved and wore a thong, decidedly less comfortable, but the additional benefits were worth it! Od couldn't keep his hands out of my pants after he found out I was wearing it. :) I promised myself the next day I'd tackle the chore. (didn't happen)

Another day, another thong. This one was lacy and a bit scratchy - really only meant to be worn temporarily. (if you know what I mean ). Temporary it was. After work he came to greet me in the kitchen with the usual kiss and squeeze. He must've been doing an undie inventory because he swiped his fingers along one cheek, then the other and accused me of not wearing underwear. I replied "yes I am" and his eyes lit up knowing I had on another thong. We spent some private time in the bedroom and the undies were no more. All the other thongs of the week suffered a similar fate. ;)

By the weekend I really was facing the option of going commando or putting off some things to get the laundry done. However, just in time Od declared that he needed some clean clothes and was doing laundry - did I need anything washed? Yes!!!

"Wash my undies, please" I asked him, grateful that I won the wait-it-out game. It's not that I mind washing and drying - it's ALL the baskets that accumulate because nobody likes to fold, iron or put away. Including me.

Well......he did laundry. And he did wash my underwear. He even folded them nicely into a cute little display and left them for me. I have a lot of underwear. A lot. You know what he washed? 4 pairs. His favorites. ALL THONGS.

I wonder what signal he was trying to send me?



Valentine's revisited

I'm not one to turn down a thoughtful gift. But I don't want a gift to be mandatory, either. That's why when things weren't so good (really fucking awful) between Od and I, we didn't celebrate.
He'd ask what I wanted for my birthday - I said "Don't bother". I spent one anniversary at an evening work meeting, barely having seen him all day. Another anniversary was spent with the husband of a good friend. (taking our kids to a school function) Christmas was all about the kids, and Valentine's Day? Well......I spent that day either mourning our lost love, feeling sorry for myself, being pissed about feeling sorry for myself, or just pissed at him for sucking the joy out of my life.

So last February I felt the need to celebrate. It had been almost a month since we rekindled our romance. We were still in the unsure, where is this going? stage of our new happiness. Hell, I wasn't sure if it was happiness or just a fluke. Od's not known for his follow-through when he begins anything new. I was sort of holding my breath waiting for the backslide in effort, the disappointment, and the failure. We'd talked very little about why we let our relationship fail for so long, and why we shut each other out. (not that we didn't already know) We had a fleeting conversation once that was too raw and left him feeling guilty and on the verge of shutting down and left me on the verge of tears remembering years worth of neglect. It was time to focus on us now, not us then.

Valentine's day provided the opportunity to just go for it. I began scheming. I planned to ship the kids to their grandparents for the night so we could have the house to ourselves. A nice dinner out, a movie, and then he could unwrap his present - me. I bought a new outfit that included a red bra/panty set and a sweater that had a silky ribbon belt that tied in a bow, so he could actually unwrap me before he got to the other goodies!

It was a fun night, but what I was super excited about was what he had promised to do for me for Valentine's Day. Something he'd never done. A thing that I had never experienced with him. I was giddy all night talking about it, asking him "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I told you I would, and I will." he said calmly and convincingly.

"I don't want you to regret it." I gave him every out that I could manage. Really, I was skeptical that he'd go through with it and I was fishing for reassurance. He'd never agreed to such a drastic thing so easily before. I'd wondered about it for years, looking at certain other men and fantasizing.........

After we arrived back home and it seemed like I was going to get this thing I had wanted for years, and my curiosity was so close to being satisfied...............I got nervous. I began second guessing myself. What if I regretted it? Didn't like it? How would that make him feel?

He was the one that took control of the situation. "Let me get changed. I don't want to get anything on my clothes."

"No. Don't. I want to see you do it in that shirt. I like it on you. Roll the sleeves up." I have a serious fetish for men's forearms, wrists, and hands. Especially in  rolled up shirtsleeves. It helps that Od rocks some pretty awesome manfur. You know that area where the hair brushes down into a line on the side of the forearm? Like a happy trail? Oh my god. And happy trails are another thing altogether. What can I say? We all have our triggers.

Anyway, I hung out in the hallway like a predatory lioness stalking my prey as he paced from the bathroom to the bedroom getting ready. The anticipaton was building. The widening grin on my face was unstoppable.

"Okay. I'm ready." he called out to me.

I stepped into the room, locking eyes with him and we smiled at each other. I reached up to grab the back of his hair, pulling him down for a deep kiss. He started laughing and pulled away.

"You're really happy about this aren't you?"

"Mm hm." I confessed, still grinning.

"Do you want to go first?" he asked.

"Can I?" I didn't expect the offer. He nodded his head while reaching behind me.

"You'll need these." Od handed me the supplies. I was comfortable using them on myself. But him? I could hurt him or do it the wrong way.

"You're sure?" I asked for the umpteenth time. I was maybe stalling a little bit.

He breathed a sigh at me, not wanting to be impatient. "Yes" he stressed.

With that one word he stepped forward, reached down to grab my ass and lifted me onto the bathroom vanity. I opened my legs to allow him access. With him nestled in I took the first of my supplies and turned it on. It jumped to life with a familiar buzz. I pressed it against him, moving it back and forth, working him over. Then I flipped the cap off another item and squirted a generous amount of gel into my hand, spreading it where I knew he needed it most. Then finally, finally I did the thing I'd wanted for so long..............

As he held very still (probably praying I didn't hurt him), I shaved off all of his facial hair. Goatee? Gone. Mustache? All gone. For the first time ever I was looking at him. Just him.

I felt like I was in the room with a strange man. I was seeing him, but having a hard time combining the new image with the old image. It was a mindfuck. He's just one of those people that is completely transformed with the addition/subtraction of facial hair. After we looked and laughed and looked some more, it was time to get down to the practical side of the evening. I wanted to kiss his clean-shaved, smooth face. And I did. I kissed and kissed and kissed. Then I kissed some more. I could not stop. If all we did that night was kiss, it would still have been fantastic.

Turns out we did a little more than kiss. There was one more place  I wanted to experience that unmustachioed mouth...............

Just a typical night at the tattoo and piercing salon.......

.......until an average looking married couple walk in and ask about the offered services.

We looked like we should've been heading out for a Friday night date.

In actuality, Od got his cock pierced.

Yep. I sat there and battled my inner 12 year old boy and tried really hard not to giggle as another man leaned in close and fiddled with my man's dick. On the flip side, the proud wife in me wanted to pipe up and say "he's a grower, not a shower!" because I swear that thing was trying to turn inside out. Outside in? Whatever.

The procedure took mere minutes. Craig (the piercer) was excellent, warming us up with conversation, providing his credentials, and explaining the process. Then he unceremoniously had Od drop trou, climb on the table to mark the spot with a Sharpie, and said "okay, this next part is the worst when I insert the receiving tube into your urethra".

Od looked at me with an amused smirk like he was going to explain to Craig that it wouldn't be the first thing to ever go in there, but I shook my head "no" at him. Not that I mind sharing that type of information, but by this time (so close to the reason we were there) I was getting impatient with Craig's Chatty Cathy-ness and just wanted to get on with it.

After 3 deep breaths, a poke of a needle, and a full body tensing it was done!

We opted for a Prince Albert (PA) piercing. It's what he originally wanted 13 years ago. In April of 2010 I read about Apadravyas and thought that is the piercing I wanted him to get. (mostly for sexual sensation)

Since our unexpected adventure into chastity play, the PA was looking more and more useful. This will show you why. Just scroll down a bit to watch a video.

I'm so proud of Od. He took it like a champ, felt just fine afterwards, and only bled a very minimal amount that first night. No redness or swelling yet. (knock on wood) Oh, speaking of wood......his first full erection (later that night) was relatively pain free. So far it looks like he can expect quick healing.

I'm excited to find out what sex will be like with the ring. I really don't anticipate any discomfort, but I suppose that could change down the road with a more substantial ring. Craig started him off pretty small. 12 gauge I think. It looks good and Od is so proud of it, but secretly I'm already looking forward to the stretching and sizing up in a few months.

I'm having a difficult time keeping my hands off of it. And my mouth. I know those are 2 big no-nos, but I just.wanna.touch it. It's a new toy and I want to play with it! And it looks like it needs a kiss. *sigh* The waiting part is difficult for me. Always has been.

I've taken some pictures and I know he's okay with me sharing, but I'm not sure I want to. I feel funny about it. Maybe.

He keeps unzipping his pants and flashing his steel at me, asking "Do you like it?"

So I answer "I really do. You already know I like the idea of  a lot of steel down there."

And to that he replies "We'll see..........."

Something Better

I found this photo somewhere online (a tumblr account, I think) in the last month or so and it spoke to me. I've always loved to collect quotes, so I saved this little gem for later use. It came in handy when the time arrived for me to choose a direction for my blog.

I have been (for the past year) starting over. My relationship with my husband was nearly broken. So much so that I had given up on saving him from his self-imposed unhappiness. He was lost to me. I had fought the good fight, and was about to accept defeat. It went against my nature. It cut away my pride. The unthinkable occurred. I surrendered. I quit trying to fix the unfixable. Just as I was washing the battlefield grime from my worn hands, something happened. Something changed.

I didn't know what it was. I still don't. But after I turned to walk away, one foot already heading in a new direction, he reached for my hand. It was a silent request. I can't tell you what prompted him. Maybe the silence after the long battle was deafening and he couldn't ignore it? Perhaps he sensed my resignation? It could be that ironic timing was at play here. It was too little. And it was too late. But a good warrior takes an "in" when it's given, especially when winning the most worthy fight of her life is at stake. I took it. In doing so, Od and I have been fighting our way back together. There's no right. There's no wrong. Only shared victory.

This past year has seen many,  many changes for us. All good. Our journey is adventurous, passionate, and so far, never-ending.

We're claiming our new happiness together, leaving the past where it belongs. There's nothing to discuss. Nothing to fix. I have my partner back. What we're doing is creating something new. Something better.