Go fuck yourself.

May is Masturbation Month. Personally, I don't know of anybody who saves up all year for the month of May. Maybe it's meant for masturbation awareness. You know, self love, stress reduction, health benefits, etc... I don't know. All I do know is that one year ago I  set out to participate every day in May along with Od, and I even kept a journal. No need to rehash the gory details. I'll tell you upfront - it ended disastrously. The activity did little more for my sexual relationship with my husband except to shine a glaring spotlight on all the areas that were failing. It was a big spotlight.

Sometimes I don't "see" a thing until it's written down. When I experience, then review and endlessly ponder a problematic situation, I lose sense of the reality due to the fact that I feel too much.  Because I'm female, I'm programmed to believe that my emotions hinder my ability to see clearly. At times that would be true. But it's an ugly, ugly thing to always be in a state of self doubt. Especially for this chick who considers herself decidedly un-wishy washy, and fairly confident with most of her life decisions. Keeping track, like I did last year in my MM journal, forces me to face the cold hard facts. Yes, it was an emotional roller coaster. But that fact alone was a red flag that things really weren't  as they should be. The last time my life resembled an amusement park I ended up not having sex for 3 years and 16 days. To help myself "see" clearly, this past year I've kept a fairly accurate record of my sex life. A fairly accurate, extremely sobering record. The details are better left to another post, but let's say that the word SOLO appears a lot more in that record than any other word that suggests I wasn't alone. And I'm strangely becoming okay with that. Hey, I'm a good lay.

So while I can't say that I have any plans whatsoever to celebrate Masturbation Month any differently or more frequently than all the rest of the equally delightful months, I can say that I splurged on a few new toys the other day and they conveniently arrived today.

Jopen vanity 5.5

Tantus Goddess Handle

I'm very excited about both. While I wish there were more color options than pink and purple, I'm willing to overlook that, since if they prove to work out well for me, I won't have my eyes open anyway! ;)

Now excuse me. I'm going to go wash my toys so I can fuck myself. Feel free to do the same.

Well, he tried...

Countless times I've begun posts in my mind, stringing words into phrases and pushing and prodding until they form cohesive thoughts. Then the reality of my current status kicks in and I tell myself that nobody wants to hear me complain. That's not who I am. Not what I'm here for. Not what my blog is about. So my name falls lower and lower on blogrolls and another week goes by when I cannot bring myself to write down the truth.

But the truth is (and I respect my readers enough to recognize that they understand life), that improvements don't last without proper upkeep. That bright and lovely shade of blonde will look ghastly in 2 months' time when there's a waterline of brunette haloing your scalp. Your car will leave you stranded if you fail to refill the gas tank with fuel. Weeds will overrun your garden, killing off the valuable plants if you don't pick up a hoe. And when riding a tandem bike uphill, if you stop pedalling at the request of your partner because you're going too fast, and that partner fails to pedal sufficiently, then you find yourself careening down the hill, backwards no less, unable to control how, where, or when the wreck will land. And then you sit on your bruised ass in shock for a long time wondering if it was an accident. You quickly realize it wasn't, but you can't figure out if you should blame your own bad judgement because you stopped pedalling, or your biking partner's lack of competence because...who the fuck just gives up and stops pedalling on an uphill climb?!?!

If you've guessed by now that that last little scenario is analogous to my sex life with my husband, then you win a gold star. I can get into the details of it all, and I will, even though I'm still scratching my head about it. (and tending to a sorely bruised ass) It will just take me some time. I've decided that I'm now treating this blog as a journal of sorts. There will still be sex stories, and life's amusing moments thrown in with my own brand of flippancy. There will also be cold hard truths of what it's like to have an unsatisfying sex life. (again) But the title of this blog still holds true. I'm determined to create something better, even if I'm creating by myself.

TMI Tuesday You want me to do what?

I'm not in the habit of giving things up. Not willingly. I don't like sacrifice. And temptation? We're besties like this *crosses fingers*. If I want a thing, then I want it. With my whole being. It's indulgent, perhaps hedonistic, and quite possibly greedy. Yes, yes, and yes. But it goes along with my life plan which is to be happy. So it's a good thing I wasn't raised Catholic with the weight of sin, guilt, and eternal damnation pressing upon my conscience.

I don't do lent. I tried once, for kicks and giggles. I started a day late and didn't make it out of that first day. *sigh...* See? Being told "No", even if by myself is really not my thing. But in the spirit of playing along, let's see what I come up with for this week's TMI answers!

Making Sacrifices and
Resisting Temptation

1. What did you give up for lent? I often think about what I should give up (even though I don't), and hand down my biggest weakness is sweets. I can go days and days without something sweet when I have the choice, but if forced to sacrifice, I'd be a raving mess. Final answer : I gave up lent for lent. :)

2. What sexually could you never give up? There are so many acts that I crave, that I don't get to participate in often enough, or at all anymore, that I do more settling than exploring these days. However, no matter the act, no matter the frequency, the make or break item in my sex life is passion. I need enthusiasm. I need for my energy and my efforts to be returned.

3. What act would you like to do for 40 days and 40 nights? Is that the length of lent? Does that tie in somehow? See? I'm sooooo not Catholic. Any one act would get monotonous if put on a 40 day loop save one : full body erotic massage. Touching all over, exciting all the senses, releasing oxytocin into the system, building intimacy, and just feeling good at the hands of someone else? Yes.

4. What sexual sacrifice have you made? Why? That's a tender question right now. I'm making a lot of sexual sacrifices at the moment. Sex in my home is infrequent. Since I stopped initiating (for the most part) about a year ago, I have no idea when it's going to happen. And I suffer emotionally in the downtime. I'm a sexually motivated person and it's hard for me not to judge the happiness of my marriage based on the amount of sex there is. Or isn't. And it's hard for me not to  take the disappearance of our kink life as his rejection to that side of me. Which turns out is a very important side. I'm learning how to deal with these changes, while maintaining my sanity. I sacrifice quantity, but I refuse to sacrifice quality. There have been times where I've turned him down, or shut things down in the middle because the chemistry is off or the energy just isn't there. That's a price to pay when one gets out of practice.

5. Have you aver been tied to a cross or anything else? I've been tied to bed posts, and restrained with straps to a bed frame. The receiving end of bondage has done nothing for me so far.

6. What part of your body do you like worshiped? My ass. And by my ass I mean my lower back all the way down to the backs of my thighs. But mostly my ass. Knead, massage, tickle, touch, kiss, lick, bite, and occasionally spank it. It loves all kinds of attention!

7. What can your partner do to you that makes you feel true bliss? Pay attention to everything that I've ever responded well to, or specifically asked for, and do it without me having to ask. Show me that you've been paying attention and know how to push all the right buttons, and for god's sake push them!

Bonus: Tell us about a time you were tempted. Did you give in or resist? One time during the 3 Years and 16 Days I was tempted to cheat with a capital C, and before I crossed the line I pulled back from the tempting friendship. I might give into pleasure and take a hedonistic stance in most areas, but there's a self-inflicted moral quality to which I've always upheld : Do the right thing and don't be an asshole.  That trumps temptation most of the time, that time in particular.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Two whole years

It only occurred to me this evening that it's my Blogaversary. Two years ago I made a rushed, late evening post as the introduction to my new blog, much like I'm making this post. *grins* It wasn't even original content. I copied and pasted the meme from someone else's blog.

Have a look for yourself.

I miss that time in my life. My sexual reawakening and kinky discoveries were shiny and new. There were sexual possibilities available to me that have now been politely cleared from the table. On the other hand, I've participated in some activities that I could not have foreseen. Some with, some without the company of my husband. I plan on exploring those adventure here. There have been some changes for Freya since we last talked.

I was curious to look over my originally posted  Sexual Bucket List and see if I can check any new items off. Good news! I have 2 answers to change from a no to a yes, and one amendment to make.

5. Have phone sex dirty talk, but not full on w/touching I can proudly say yes I've had phone sex. Twice!

37. Sexual role play not really. With the help of a creative and imaginative friend, I was able to step outside of myself for one scene and the mind fuck was pretty amazing.

And I was pleasantly surprised to change my mind about :

36. Using ice sexually oh yeah! that's a good story.......(for the record, I don't like cold sex)

You can read about why I wasn't a fan of ice here.  Well, after a particular blackout at the end of last July during a heat wave so hot that it made sleep nearly impossible...ice and sex are forever linked in my memory, putting a smile on my face.

You know what? Perhaps I should dust off the memory and write about it!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. And if you find yourself alone today do what I recommended to a very close friend : Laugh. Smile. And love yourself.

But know at least that I love you, too. Thanks for sticking around. See ya soon!

*kisses*

TMI Tuesday 11/13/12

If you don’t know what Movember is all about see previous TMI Tuesday posts or click here.




Some men who have been treated for Prostate Cancer are unable to get an erection.

1. If they were treated with surgery, the usual reason is nerve damage. They may have success with a penis pump.



Question: Have you (or your partner) ever used a pump? Did it work? Was it a turn-on or a turn-off? I've never used a penis pump and to my knowledge neither has Od. The only pump I have experience with is a breast pump. Neither a turn on nor turn off - just a necessity. I have, however, seen penis pumps in action in a video where the man's penis got noticeably larger, but as soon as suction was broken, it deflated like a balloon. For recreation or enlargement purposes, I understand they can cause damage if used excessively. I'm curious if the suction temporarily affects sensitivity. Seems like it would.

2. If they were treated with radiation, the usual reason is damage to blood vessels. They may have good luck with Viagra or or one of the other impotence meds. Question: Have you (or your partner) ever used Viagra, Cialis, or similar? Did it work? Any interesting side effects? Any 4-hour erections? Tell us how you made use of that No vasodilators around this house. Not yet. I'm curious about the effects of them on women, though. One conversational source told me her young grandson is on Viagra for health reasons due to neonatal breathing/eating complications but the females around him aren't allowed to touch it, especially his sisters because it can cause sterility in them. First time I'd heard that.

3. Some men may opt for a penile implant. See http://www.urologicalcare.com/advanced-ed-treatments/types-penile-implants/. Do you have experience with a penile implant (as owner or lover-of-owner)? Did it work for you? Again, no experience (yet) but the day his dick stops working is the day I sit him down and we decide together how we're gonna fix it. If they make a Robocock 6000, we'll go for that. ;)

4. If they were treated with hormone therapy (e.g. Lupron Depot), they may also lose all libido. I can’t think of a good question, but if you have a story, please share. No story to share, but like the previous answer...we'd be sitting down and having a serious heart to heart about how to find a solution ASAP. No sex is not an option. I never want to be one of those old women who sit around complaining of their old husbands and talk about how they're glad they don't have to "deal with them" anymore. I realize sex changes as we get older but I feel strongly about the fact that it should never stop.

5. Some men diagnosed with Prostate Cancer change their diet or avoid certain foods.
Did you ever change your diet for health reasons? How did it work out? How long did you stay on the diet? I changed my diet when I was pregnant with my kiddos and it was the best I ever felt in my entire life. When I was nursing them my diet has to be considered, but wasn't as strict as when I was growing a human inside of me. And of course, now and then I've reined in my poor eating habits when I start to feel the bad effects or when the number on the scale isn't to my liking. I won't call it a diet, I'll just call it "doing what I should be doing anyways".

The prostate is a sexual organ, and treatment of the prostate changes the sexual experience.

6. A man who has had his prostate removed does not ejaculate at orgasm. How would you react to a total lack of cum? I'd reduce my Kleenex purchases in half. That's about all. I'm not sex negative about cum. You'll never hear me cry out "ewwwwwww", but you'll not hear me "mmmmmmmm"  over it either. I like what it represents more than I like it, itself. Yes, I swallow the stuff and on the lucky occasion I get filled with it. But I could do without it just fine. It would make proving a ruined orgasm a lot more difficult, though. Does the prostate have anything to do with preejaculate? Now, that I would most definitely miss.

7. Although removal of the prostate reduces the intensity of orgasm in the pelvic region, some men report orgasmic feelings in other parts of the body, some describing a “whole body orgasm.” How cool is that? That is exceptionally cool. The body has fascinating abilities, one of them is to outsource our pleasure receptors when the usual ones are incapacitated. A paralyzed person can feel sexual pleasure from a non erotic body area such as a thumb. That's awesome!

8. Do you think a man treated for PRostate Cancer deserves a blow job? If yes, please email Virtual Sin aka SinnerMan… I think all men deserve blow jobs. That is - if they've earned them. ;)
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Then and Now

Thank you to the TMI Tuesday reader who submitted the following THEN AND NOW questions. He wanted to remain anonymous.

1. What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 17 year old you? Oh, wow, okay.....let's do some inventory : I like to think there's a natural course that women take in their sexual development, so the concepts that I'm now in my late 30s and using vibrators and toys in the bedroom doesn't embarrass me or that knowing my body very well and taking what I need from a relationship and being vocal about it are par for the course. If one is lucky.

I'll even go so far as to say that my love of receiving and giving anal sex, and my penchant for gay porn (while surprising to me just 3 years ago) is a part of the natural progression of my sexuality. I've said it many times : when one opens their mind to new ideas and possibilities, it's damn near impossible to close it back. Essentially, once you go kink, you'll do more than you think.

My 17 year old self (which is a perfect age, BTW, since it was a pivotal age for me) would be shocked at most of the kinky fuckery I get up to on a good day. She'd pull a skeptical face and ask "Really???" But she would be downright scandalized, dare I say pissed off at the idea of her pending marriage becoming anything less than 100% monogamous. Cheating and messing around a.k.a. "being intimate in any way with anyone else beside your partner", although hurtful, was part of the teenage boyfriend/girlfriend experience. I should know. I messed around a lot behind my boyfriends' backs. At a time in my life when I was tired of boys, I met a man who possessed all the qualities I'd been needing in a partner. Never mind that I was underage and he was 22. Within 4 months of dating him he asked and I said yes. I was never more sure of anything in my life, except for the fact that we were everything each of us would ever need.

So, fast forward to today when I openly flirt with men, lust after them, have unconventional friendships with men who are not my husband, and at one time have even participated in a D/s play partnership, all with the knowledge, blessing, and acceptance of my husband...I think my 17 year old self would be holding me down to stitch the letter A permanently and directly on my skin. My views on monogamy have been the biggest change for me because I held a deeply rooted opinion about it previously.

2. What one thing might shock that younger you? That at some point in the future, the person I loved the most and made me the happiest would also be the person I hated the most and made me the unhappiest. Inconceivable.

Oh, and that over 20 years later women's health and reproductive rights would be threatened with a possible backslide that would take them back to the 19th century. Also inconceivable.

3. What part of the younger you’s (not necessarily at age 17) sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia? Hands down, my body and his stamina. I'd love to travel back in time to my life then with my mind now. I have vivid flashbacks of the feel and sight of the hard flat planes of our abdomens gliding furiously against each other covered in sweat. There were times I had to wipe it away in order to get the friction I needed. We're both...shall we say...a little more comfortable to cuddle up with now. :)

4. Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled? I have yet to become a burlesque dancer, work as a naughty librarian, or take my husband back to Paris with me and fuck him senseless in the City of Lights. My only regret is the Paris thing.

Bonus: Give your 17 year old self a piece of sexual advice. Grow some ovaries and ask yor mother to take you to the doctor to go on the pill. She knows you're having sex, so stop being embarrassed to say it out loud so you can have reliable birth control, because dear, you suck at using condoms.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

The one where Freya admits to hating cock

Did you know there's this cool thing called t.v.?
And if you have digital cable, there's this thing called a guide right on the screen anytime you want to know what's on that cool t.v.?
Did you know that episodes of your favorite t.v. shows all have names? (it tells you right there in the guide)

Well, I recently re-learned all these things, and am amused by them all.

You see, I stopped watching television 3 years ago when my reading habits hit full force. It coincided with the time that our couch finally became so worn and uncomfortable that I stopped sitting on it, or going into the t.v. room for any reason at all, really. I tried for awhile to hang out in there and read while Od watched a show, but 1.) I need super silence to read 'cause I'm easily distracted due to Mommy ears - I hear ev.er.y.thing., and 2.) a person can only listen to so much Storage Wars and Pawn Stars before you wanna kill someone. Seriously, that's ALL he watches and those two shows seem to run continuously. Well, he does watch NCIS. All 347 seasons of it. Again, it's ALWAYS playing, and every time it is, it's "one he hasn't seen before".  My bedroom, with it's comfy bed, became my favored retreat area. This also coincided with my kids hitting the hard teen years full force, so it all worked out nicely.

But now we have a new, comfy couch, and I've crawled out of my cave and rejoined the family in the family room. I've claimed the best seat on the sofa and taken control of the remote once again. And you know what? I like t.v. My watching habits are rusty, so it's hit or miss for me catching the shows I watch on the actual night they air...but you know what else???? I can DVR them and watch them whenever I want! I know, right? It's like magic.

So anyway, before I learned how to work the DVR function, and whenever I was in the mood for mindless recreation, I'd power up the boob tube and I could always find some Friends. You know my friends don't you? Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica? Sure you do. I've known them ever since a fateful day back in the fall of 1994 when as a tired, desperate mother I wanted to unwind after struggling to get my colicky baby to sleep. I caught the pilot episode, and it was instant love. I tuned in every week. I laughed with them, I loved with them, I shipped R and R so hard that it hurt, and I mourned the loss of them when the show ended. Seeing them again in reruns reminds me bitter sweetly just how much time has passed. But I get to watch with new eyes and I get to know things I didn't know back then. Like the names of the episodes. Because my handy dandy digital cable guide tells me. They all start "The one with..." or "The one where..." How clever.

So now it's a thing with me. I was entirely too amused with the gimmick of the show titles, and I like to apply it to my everyday life. Right now "The one with no sex for 13 days" is playing. Or, "The one where Freya loses her voice". If you don't like those, we can change the channel to the episode that plays all day every day from sun up to sun down : "The one where Freya admits to hating cock".

This kind of cock, silly.



I don't even know how this happened, as I live right in the center of the city , but one of my neighbors has a cock. And I hate it. Specifically, I hate it most when the weather is cool enough (like right now) to have the windows open while sleeping. While trying to sleep. And I hate it whenever I spend time outside and hear the damn thing crowing. 'Cause you wanna know something about this rooster? It crows all. the. fucking. time. He doesn't just do his job in the morning, greeting the break of day, then spend his day happily pecking at bugs and chasing his hens. Oh, no. He's a malcontent little fucker and he shares it with everybody. All. the. time. Did I mention that part?

He cock a doodle doos when I wish he cock a doodle didn't. Ever again. This has been going on for over a year. I can't believe one of his closer neighbors hasn't complained. It's got to be against some sound ordinance, or something.

I bet I can flip the t.v. channel over to the food Network and rustle up a tasty recipe for coq au vin.