Sometimes I don't "see" a thing until it's written down. When I experience, then review and endlessly ponder a problematic situation, I lose sense of the reality due to the fact that I feel too much. Because I'm female, I'm programmed to believe that my emotions hinder my ability to see clearly. At times that would be true. But it's an ugly, ugly thing to always be in a state of self doubt. Especially for this chick who considers herself decidedly un-wishy washy, and fairly confident with most of her life decisions. Keeping track, like I did last year in my MM journal, forces me to face the cold hard facts. Yes, it was an emotional roller coaster. But that fact alone was a red flag that things really weren't as they should be. The last time my life resembled an amusement park I ended up not having sex for 3 years and 16 days. To help myself "see" clearly, this past year I've kept a fairly accurate record of my sex life. A fairly accurate, extremely sobering record. The details are better left to another post, but let's say that the word SOLO appears a lot more in that record than any other word that suggests I wasn't alone. And I'm strangely becoming okay with that. Hey, I'm a good lay.
So while I can't say that I have any plans whatsoever to celebrate Masturbation Month any differently or more frequently than all the rest of the equally delightful months, I can say that I splurged on a few new toys the other day and they conveniently arrived today.
|Jopen vanity 5.5|
|Tantus Goddess Handle|
Now excuse me. I'm going to go wash my toys so I can fuck myself. Feel free to do the same.