Extra Stuff

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Son of a Preacher Man

Men have been on my mind lately. Men in my past. Something triggered the thought process and I've been reaching deep into my memories to tally up. More often than not, it's with a smile on my face.

There are a few topics of conversation which I avoid because they are full of opinions and nothing more. Religion is high on that list. I respect everyone's faith and belief system.  Mainly because mine has been roughly defined at best and cast aside at worst. I was not raised in a church, but because of regular visits to my friend Jenny's church and also to my aunt's church I was offered the exposure to the possibility of a higher power. Let's just say I got the basic idea and the main points stuck. Enough so that in the summer before 6th grade I went to church camp with my friend and another girl. It was a Baptist camp. Young people and adult people were being saved left and right. On day 3, I was one of them. It was offered. I felt obligated. It seemed rude to say no. This did two things : it gave me something to write home about other than complaining about the mosquitoes and it caught the serious attention of a boy named Jonathan.

Let me back up to days 1 and 2. (this part might sound a bit more like the Freya you all know) Day one was spent riding the bus to camp, shifting in my seat the whole way to unstick my thighs from the hot vinyl and staring holes in the back of the head of the cute older blond boy whom I did not recognize but felt immediate lust for in my little not-quite-11-year-old heart. Seriously. I vividly remember wanting. I don't know exactly what it was that I wanted, but it surely involved him.

After arriving at camp, making up our bunks, and walking around the site to check things out, I discovered that there was a miniature golf course included in this camp and guess who was already in the middle of a game by himself looking all blond, and tall, and cute? That's right. Dave. I know this is his name because that's what he told my friend after I drug her by the arm back to the cabin to get my camera and made her go take a picture of him. I was too chicken to do it myself. You see, I had the nerve to want things back in those days - just not the nerve to go get them. So I made my friend Jenny do it instead. She delivered the goods, alright. I even got his name. *smiles*  I was giddy with the excitement that once home, I would have a tangible reminder of him. At dinner that night I cast longing side-eye glances at him and willed him to notice me. He did not. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that he was a 7th grader and most likely was only aware of girls who'd already begun to show their feminine possibilities. My "possibilities" would take another two years to fill up my training bra. No matter. In my mind I still had a chance. I was cute. I was blonde. And I had dimples.

Day 2 gave me more opportunity to mingle with other kids as we were divided into age groups. On day two I met Jonathan. Blond, slight, quiet, and bespectacled. Exactly the same age as me. And the Youth Minister's son. For some reason that I can't put my finger on, Jonathan took to me like a squeak takes to clean. That's how I thought of him, too. Squeaky clean. He was friendly in a gentle, kind way and I remember his smile was a constant feature on his face. I had notions of what a preacher's son might be like and as the day wore on Jonathan was hinting at a promise of being more than my simple notions. He asked to sit by me at lunch. I said of course. I had awkward moments of being caught up in laughter filled conversation with him and still sneaking glances over to the "older" table at my beloved Dave. I was conflicted. I was aware of the possibility that Jonathan might like like me, but I was still drawn by the lure of an older man for now.

That night there was a bonfire and amongst all the singing and s'mores there was also smoldering. But not between me and Jonathan. Not even between me and Dave. I was horror stricken to find out from my friend Jenny that Dave was holding hands with some girl. Some 8th grade girl. Some 8th grade girl with boobs!!! I resorted to licking my wounds for, oh...about 5 minutes. And then I went to find my old friend Jenny and my new friend Jonathan. Add in Laura (the girl who attended camp with me and Jenny) and Jonathan's best friend (can't remember his name) and that's who I spent the remainder of my camp days with.

On day 3 there was morning worship, crafts, free time, lunch, swimming, youth group (where I felt the watchful eye of Jonathan's dad), and later that evening we trekked up Vesper Hill towards the church. After much singing, many sermons, and a calling of the Holy Spirit, I found myself sitting dumbly with a senior member of the congregation and taking vows and then BOOM! I was saved. As in : before I was nothing more than a heathen fumbling my way through life and now I was a blessed child of God. Funny thing that. I didn't feel different. Yet somehow I knew I was, because if Jonathan looked at me with veiled affection before, he downright glowed with adoration for me now. And his father had only big smiles for me. Where he might have questioned my suitability before, suddenly I was undoubtably good enough for a preacher's son. I'll never forget the thought of how hypocritical it all seemed, even then at the age of not-quite-eleven years old. Even more so considering the fact that within minutes Jonathan, who had grabbed my hand outside the chapel and briskly walked me down the trail, wrapped his arms around me and boldly pressed his lips to mine. A preacher's son! And at church camp!!!

Something changed in my affection for Jonathan that night. It was knowing that for all the goodness that was showing on the outside, there was some naughtiness on the inside too. It brought us together on a level playing field. I suppose the reverse was true of his feelings for me. For all my naughtiness in my every day actions (I had been, afterall, lusting in my heart for an older man) there was some goodness inside me now, too.

Our romance burned brightly, but faded fast. There were many letters written to one another for the next few weeks and he even sent me a pink stuffed lion for my birthday. How he even knew when my birthday was, I'll never know. But the sheer joy I received from his unexpected gesture sticks with me to this day. I know I wrote him back, thanking him profusely and then......... I don't know. School started and I never heard from him again. He was no more than a wonderful story to tell about how I spent my summer vacation. And if the small heartbreak I felt from Jonathan's abandonment ever got me down, I would pull out the shoebox stuffed full of developer's envelopes and after a few moments of flipping through photos to find just the right one, I would cling to that picture of a gorgeous thing named Dave and smile, and smile, and smile.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

TMI Tuesday 11/22/11 What's cookin'?

What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’?

Would you like to taste my muffins?

In the United States Thanksgiving is this week, so a lot of folks will be cooking up a storm in preparation. Many other holidays will occur over the next month around the world and everyone seems to celebrate with food, hence, the TMI Tuesday theme…Cooking.

1. Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s?  Haagen-Dazs, Shmaagen-Dazs. Graeter's Peppermint Stick is where it's at. Oh, you don't have Graeter's? Poor fools.  ;)

2. What is always in your refrigerator? My teenage son. Food? We have no food. I just explained. I have a teenage son.

3. What’s your worst kitchen disaster? I was gonna say the time Od and I tried to make shrimp fried rice in the microwave. I was only 17 and at the time he cooked everything, everything, in the microwave. We thought it would work. It was gross. Gross beyond describable proportions. However, that was a tiny bump in our culinary road. My biggest disaster occurred 2 years ago and doesn't involve any food. After lusting after one of these beautiful pieces for more than a decade I bought myself one. And about the....oh, second or third time I used it I set it on fire. I was heating oil in it to brown meat and my daughter asked for help starting her laundry. Foolish me dashes downstairs to help her "real quick". Minutes later the smoke alarm goes off and I have that "oh shit!" moment when you realize you just fucked up. Smoke was rolling out of the kitchen, flames were shooting up the range hood and all I could do was cover the pot with the lid to smother the flames and turn the burner off and run out the back door to escape the smoke. To their credit, Le Creuset makes quality goods. It took Od and I a considerable amount of elbow grease and lots and lots of soaking/scrubbing/scraping to remove the tar-like sludge from the pot, and the enamel is dull and crackled in spots, but it works just fine. I'd also like to point out what gems those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are. I went through a couple boxes of those to clean the cabinets, the walls, the stove, the range hood (inside and out) and the ceiling.

4. Favorite kitchen gadget? Either my salad choppers or my food chopper.

5. What was your last meal? Did you like it? My last meal was from the Wendy's driv-thru. I wan't particularly thrilled with it, they got my order wrong.

6. What’s your favorite cookie? If it's fresh baked, still slightly warm, then it's my favorite. Unless it has coconut. Then no thank you. Chocolate chip, chocolate crinkles, snickerdoodles, and oatmeal cranberry white chocolate chip top the list.

Instead of just telling us about your favorite cookie why don’t you share the recipe via The  Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

We tried it on for size...

...but chastity just doesn't seem to be in the plans for us right now. And by us, I mean Od. Let me clarify - I would love, love, love to have my husband locked up on a 24/7 basis except for when I want him out. Which would be often, so the question begs...what's the problem? *sigh* He doesn't like the cage. It irritates him. It's not comfortable for long term wear. And based on what he offered - to wear it occasionally while he's around me, not at work, no plans to go anywhere, etc. - I'm just not interested. I would be taking it off of him for access to his cock more often than not. And by him dictating where and when he's willing to wear it  breaks the spell for me. It robs me of the thrill of control. That was the biggest draw for me. I was also wanting him to obtain a high level of pent up desire that would ideally transform into more attention for me. With or without a cage, that should be happening because he still only cums when I choose, only it's not happening.

What finally put the nail in the tiny dick shaped coffin was a conversation we had late one night as I tossed and turned in bed.  I do this when I can't sleep and I couldn't sleep because I was frustrated. Frustrated at the lack of sex, the lack of effort, and the lack of attention. He asked me what was wrong and I unleashed it all. Little by little all the tiny truths leaked out. I told him I was tired of doing all the initiation. I told him I needed his reciprocation. I needed to be wanted. To be shown that I was desired. He's hardly ever turned me down, and is almost always a willing participant in whatever we do. However, there comes a point (and I had reached it) where I feel like a puppet master and he is merely jangling on the strings with a painted on smile. I prefer a real live boy.

I talked, he listened. Then shock of all shocks - he talked some while I listened. He's rather buttoned up when emotions are involved. I heard what he said, and then I heard what he meant. He had some misunderstandings and there were some things bothering him. He thought he was offering me submissiveness in the form of passivity and hoping that would make me happy. I explained the difference to him. Truly, he's not a submissive man. I know that now. There are tendencies. But that's about all. I would call him compliant. He likes to make me happy and will do what I ask. God, just typing that makes it sound bad. It sounds like I'm saying "boring". I don't mean to, and yet I can't say that I wasn't under stimulated. I have sexual triggers that weren't being set off, which left me in charge of getting myself turned on, left me in charge of initiating sex, and quite frankly doing a good portion of that work as well. He thought that's what I wanted. Od also took the opportunity to reveal that he wasn't on board about wearing a chastity device. Granted the one he has is more novelty, and I told him a better piece would be more comfortable for longer wear, then he hemmed and hawed about being nervous that I'd have him locked in too long. That's when he offered to wear it around me, at home, on the weekends. I know chastity is a sex game, but playing pretend isn't in the game description. If he doesn't enjoy it, then I don't want it. Yet I still really do. I'm conflicted. I know he was being GGG by offering a compromise on the situation, and I'm not ruling it out 100%. But I sadly recognize that I won't be getting what I really want. He's just not as into it as I am. And that ruins the game for me.

I thought that if we made it to one year of rediscovering our sexuality together that things would be okay. We're closing in on two years, but the last three months have me panicking. I'm seeing the old signs. If left to it's natural course without my interference, I know just where our sex life would veer. After all, he is the man who went three years and sixteen days without ever asking me about sex or why we weren't having it. I'm suspicious that he may have low testosterone. Or a really low libido. I don't know? Maybe he's just not that into me? LOL *groan* I say that jokingly, but it does strike a niggling fear in the back of my brain because there are days when I just can't figure him out. He's not a typical male at all. I boldly asked him if he knew how many men would kill for what he has : a willing wife with a healthy sexual appetite and who likes to experiment and has an open mind. His response was so noncommittal I can't even remember what it was.

I'm not unhappy with him. I just need some changes. If I'm giving something up (like chastity) then I'd like something else in return (like him taking charge sometimes). I mean, I know I told y'all about my cock and the things I like to do with it, but I still want to be the girl, ya know?

So for now, I continue to read other blogs, flip through Tumblr accounts and crave. I crave desperately and I want fiercely. Kink has become my Pandora's box. I'm afraid there's no closing the lid. But what do I do with it now?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

TMI Tuesday Conspicuous Luxury

1. Do you have a set of dishes that are used for special occassions (e.g. china)? Yes or no. If yes, how often do you use the special dishes?
a. any day because every day is special
b. once a week
c. only for holidays and celebration
d. never, it is displayed in a china cabinet or collecting dust in a box in the attic
I have multiple sets of dishes, but none of them are "good" in the sense of being on display or reserved for special occasions. I have them because I like them. I have a love of serveware and cookware, especially antiques. My favorites are green McCoy stoneware bowls and jadeite dishes, both from the 30's and 40's era.

Truthfully, I'd love to start a collection of Fiesta Ware (like that pitcher in the lower photo) but can't choose a color. I want them all and that's not reasonable, so I reel myself in. Also space is at a premium in my cabinets already. I also lust after Depression Glass Ware. Green of course.
2. Do have clothes that you never wear because you are saving them for a special occasion? What is that item of clothing? What would be the appropriate occasion?
If that special occasion is returning to a smaller size, then yes. I have jeans that I'm holding onto for the right time. Good butt jeans are hard to come by. It's like magic, I tell ya. Don't all women do that? *shrugs*

3. If you suddenly became very wealthy, which servants would you employ?
a. cleaning service Oh, my God, YES!!!! I don't mind cleaning - once - and then maintaining. But you see, I live with other people. I call them the 3 little pigs. They do not follow suit. And then there's the animals....
b. housekeeper No, I prefer to run my own affairs. I'm bossy. (you all knew that, right?)
c. cook No, I also prefer to cook. Well, maybe I'd hire one for the mornings. Show up early....have my mocha ready....prepare a nice breakfast buffet with a little bit of everything. Yum. Oh! I would hire a fulltime souschef, though. Because I hate washing dishes. That's what I really need - a kitchen bitch. :)
d. valet/maid/lady-in-waiting No. Too many people in my business makes me uncomfortable. That's too personal and too snooty.
e. chauffeur Maybe part time, or on call? I hate going to an event like a concert, play, football game...and then getting stuck in traffic. With a chauffeur I could spend the time having fun in the back seat, instead!!! But other than that, I prefer to drive myself, go wherever I like at a moment's notice.
f. dog-walker With a big enough yard dogs don't need walked. They can run free. Much better.
g. other A gardener and a masseur. I love planning my flowerbeds and landscaping but I never enjoy the dirty work like weeding and spreading mulch. Mowing the yard isn't much fun either. I would have daily massages and use the hell out of a personal masseur. Note I said masseur. ;) He'd be well paid and earn every cent. Disregard what I said earlier about staff messing around my business. I suppose you can't get more personal than hands and oil and body parts and sighs of pleasure, now can you? :)

4. If you were wealthy, how many homes would you own? Where? (locations–mountains, tropical places for the winter, foreign country/city)
I would have one home and maintain it well. I'm a homebody. I like to be grounded, so the idea of renting homes for a short time while travelling appeals to me more than owning multiple real estates.

5. If you were going to take on a really expensive hobby, which of these would it be?
a. buy an airplane No, no appeal there
b. buy a yacht I have always wanted my own boat. Drifting in the waters with nothing but sun and sea surrounding us. Only things to do would be sunning, swimming and sex. Sounds perfect to me.
c. buy a small winery I love quaint wineries, but they should be run by families. Not to mention that I have no idea how they operate. I could support one though. I'm a fan of wine. ;)
d. raise exotic animals No. I have no desire to be one of those people in the news that gets attacked by their "beloved pet". Because that's what happens when you try to cage an animal that should be free.

6. What kind of car would you buy if you had an unlimited budget?
a. expensive sports car I'd love to have the money to buy my husband a vintage Chevy COPO Camaro. He had one for the longest time, waiting to be restored, but the easy money tempted him and he sold it. And a brand new Camaro for me. I love the newer body. Carcoal grey.
b. luxury car I would need one if I wanted to mess around in the back seat, wouldn't I? 
c. monster truck No, but a sassy SUV would do nicely.
d. expensive hybrid or electric car a couple of these for my kids, sure. Why not?
e. cheap car (I’d be too nervous driving an expensive car). Expensive things don't make me nervous. They're just things.
f. something for the chauffeur to drive me around in See answer b.
Bonus: Currently, what is your favorite luxury item or decadent thing that you do? I have an expensive art hobby. Sure, I make some money at it, but I primarily do it for the love of creating and playing with colors and textures. My hobby saved my sanity during the stressful years of my marriage. I jokingly say it's cheaper than therapy.....but really it's not. Probably more successful, though.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

TMI Tuesday...Always with the sex

Let’s Talk about Sex

1. What sexual act arouses you the most? For that matter, what nonsexual act arouses you the most?
Displays of desire, intensely passionate kisses and touches...being seduced. I need more of that. I don't get seduced often enough. Nonsexually, the right music will turn me on, and also watching a man groom himself. The slow careful strokes of the razor that leaves clean lickable skin....applying soothing balm or aftershave with an intoxicating fragrance. The fragrance is so important. I love a good smelling man. I've been stopped in my tracks by a stranger's scent just so I can linger closely and inhale him.

2. What is your signature or “go to” move that is sure to get a lover in the mood for sex?
Kissing. That certain kiss that lingers, that beckons him back to my mouth for one more...then that one more deepens until tongues are tangling, hair is being grabbed, and laps are resituated.  And that's all it takes. Or I innocently grind my tush into his crotch and make sleepy moans. But that's for when I'm playing coy. *grins*

3. Do you queef?
No, I really don't. And after reading everyone else's TMI posts, I'm surprised that so many do. I'm guessing there's a lot of variables that leave me the statistical oddball once again. Maybe it's my particular anatomy, maybe the style of sex that we have? It just doesn't happen. You all seem to think it's a sign of a good fucking. I don't know......I'm just saying that kegels are a girl's best friend.   ;)

4. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, sex toy reviews)? (borrowed from Insatiabear)
I only have a handful of "weird" things that have happened. One is disturbing, the other is delightful, and the other few fall into the "it comes with the territory of sex blogging" category. Disturbing : due to a series of unfortunate events a family member found my blog. It makes for awkward family gatherings, but I'm almost completely over the mortification. Delightful : I was propositioned with a curious request from a reader, and I took him up on it.

5. Have you ever had sex while someone watched? nope
…someone else was in the room? negative
…someone else in the bed, next to you and the person you’re having sex with? nuh uh
What were the circumstances? I can only think of one acceptable situation where someone would be watching me have sex and that someone would be my husband. That obviously means the other person wouldn't be. ;)

6. When it comes to sex, and discussing it with your teen have you or would you:
a. Let school sex education handle it
b. Hand the teen a book or point them to a website
c. Talk frankly and openly
d. Avoid it all together–society, friends, and the internet will give all the info needed
My kids got the 5th grade "this is your body.....and this is your body during and after puberty" talk from the schools. I remember signing a permission slip for my son to take a 9th grade health course that was sexual in nature, and my daughter will be taking the same this year. I also know that I've provided them with honest discussions about sexuality and responsibility on my own so that I'm 100% sure that they hear things from a reliable source and hear values that are important to our family. And I never fail to use an opening when I have one to drop common sense reminders. Still, I'm not certain how much sinks in.........

Click Here, it’s important
Bonus:   Remember the song, “I’m too sexy?” CLICK to refresh your memory
What are you too sexy for?
My husband. I fear some days he just can't keep up.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!