Lola over at Sex Babble has been running a fun series called Monday Memories, and today is the Big First. Losing your V card. Being deflowered. Popping your cherry. All of these euphemisms are pretty stupid for something that should be (or is expected to be) a monumental event. Was yours monumental? Mine wasn't. Memorable, yes. I even remember the exact date. And what I wore. Well, what I was wearing before it all came off!
I was 15 and my boyfriend (who shared so many of my firsts) was 2 days away from turning 16. I'm sure we'd been toying with the idea for a few months. More like he'd been trying to convince me. He kept saying "just think about it" and I did. Eventually I gave in because I had no real reason for saying no. I was never pressured as a girl to save myself for marriage and I clearly remember having that debate with myself. Did I want to wait until marriage? Would I feel like a sinner if I had premarital sex? Would I regret my actions? No, no, and no. I never did ask myself another important question : was I ready? Thinking back, no I wasn't ready. I wasn't dying to lose my virginity. Barely more than curious. But doing it with my boyfriend who'd been a part of my life, first as a friend, then as much more was compelling. We had comfort and familiarity and I knew he wasn't taking advantage of me and that he really, really wanted to be with me. It was a safe option. Not so romantic like you'd want your first time to be, but it was sweet.
The day was planned ahead of time because we had the day off from school (Christmas break I think) and his mom was at work. His older brother was away at college. House to ourselves. Perfect. I'd been a little obsessed over the particulars for the whole week. I didn't want to bleed on the sheets because his mom would see the stains on them when she did laundry. My genius solution was to have sex in the bathroom. (easy cleanup afterwards) It was a big room and was carpeted, so not as bad as it sounds. I used the excuse of his waterbed being too sloshy and uncomfortable and he bought it. What was he gonna say? No? He would've agreed to anything by then. :)
We started out in his room making out and stripping our clothes from each other and doing a little dry, then wet humping. It was thrilling that his boy parts were touching my girl parts for the first time! Not smart to do, I know, I know........but still. You know that feels good. He must've been watching some decent porn or hearing stories from his brother because nobody else has ever done that to me since without me asking.
We went into the bathroom and laid a towel down and brought the condoms with us. The light was right overhead shining in my face and I asked him to turn it off. That actually made it very nice. It was pitch black in there and the sensory deprivation made me aware of his touch and our sounds so much more. I don't recall that we said much but he kissed me a lot and spent a long time on my neck and breasts before he leaned back to roll the condom on. He used his hand to guide his cock to me and nudged up a little bit and waited. He leaned down slowly to me and when he finally reached my face for another kiss he was all the way in. It was a very odd sensation. I didn't bleed (which I found out afterwards, so my worries were pointless) and it didn't really hurt. He was holding still asking me if I was okay, and when I let out the breath I was holding I really felt everything. Without the pain to focus on I was taking stock of the unique and bizarre sensation of being stretched and filled. My face was hot and flushed and my blood pressure must have sky rocketed because after that all I heard mostly was my pulse in my ears.
I felt fine and he started to move inside me and after a few thrusts I tested out my own hip action and gave him some returning motion. It was.........not bad. It was intense having that movement inside my body, but otherwise I enjoyed it. The act itself lasted a few minutes maybe and I wish I could remember what his reaction was. Nothing is coming to mind. I don't think he made much noise. Most teenagers probably don't, needing to be discreet when fooling around!
After we laid there and got our breath back, we turned the lights on and cleaned up, went back to his bed and curled up with each other all day until it was time for his mom to be home. Of course we threw our clothes back on, raced downstairs and turned a movie on and acted innocent. When she dropped me off at my house I ran to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day trying to wrap my head around what we'd done. I felt different, but not. I was excited to share my news with my friends, but also wanted to protect the shared secret of intimacy. I waited about a week before I caved and told them. It wasn't a big deal. Nobody was shocked, it wasn't scandalous and thank god I never got the stigma of being a high school slut. We were together on and off (mostly on) for another year before we finally broke up for the last time. We grew up a lot in that year and had some amazing fun together. There's some good stories to tell. ;)
I'll never forget my first and I can say that I'm absolutely glad it was with him.
