Go fuck yourself.

May is Masturbation Month. Personally, I don't know of anybody who saves up all year for the month of May. Maybe it's meant for masturbation awareness. You know, self love, stress reduction, health benefits, etc... I don't know. All I do know is that one year ago I  set out to participate every day in May along with Od, and I even kept a journal. No need to rehash the gory details. I'll tell you upfront - it ended disastrously. The activity did little more for my sexual relationship with my husband except to shine a glaring spotlight on all the areas that were failing. It was a big spotlight.

Sometimes I don't "see" a thing until it's written down. When I experience, then review and endlessly ponder a problematic situation, I lose sense of the reality due to the fact that I feel too much.  Because I'm female, I'm programmed to believe that my emotions hinder my ability to see clearly. At times that would be true. But it's an ugly, ugly thing to always be in a state of self doubt. Especially for this chick who considers herself decidedly un-wishy washy, and fairly confident with most of her life decisions. Keeping track, like I did last year in my MM journal, forces me to face the cold hard facts. Yes, it was an emotional roller coaster. But that fact alone was a red flag that things really weren't  as they should be. The last time my life resembled an amusement park I ended up not having sex for 3 years and 16 days. To help myself "see" clearly, this past year I've kept a fairly accurate record of my sex life. A fairly accurate, extremely sobering record. The details are better left to another post, but let's say that the word SOLO appears a lot more in that record than any other word that suggests I wasn't alone. And I'm strangely becoming okay with that. Hey, I'm a good lay.

So while I can't say that I have any plans whatsoever to celebrate Masturbation Month any differently or more frequently than all the rest of the equally delightful months, I can say that I splurged on a few new toys the other day and they conveniently arrived today.

Jopen vanity 5.5

Tantus Goddess Handle

I'm very excited about both. While I wish there were more color options than pink and purple, I'm willing to overlook that, since if they prove to work out well for me, I won't have my eyes open anyway! ;)

Now excuse me. I'm going to go wash my toys so I can fuck myself. Feel free to do the same.