Extra Stuff

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

TMI Tuesday 11/13/12

If you don’t know what Movember is all about see previous TMI Tuesday posts or click here.


Some men who have been treated for Prostate Cancer are unable to get an erection.

1. If they were treated with surgery, the usual reason is nerve damage. They may have success with a penis pump.


Question: Have you (or your partner) ever used a pump? Did it work? Was it a turn-on or a turn-off? I've never used a penis pump and to my knowledge neither has Od. The only pump I have experience with is a breast pump. Neither a turn on nor turn off - just a necessity. I have, however, seen penis pumps in action in a video where the man's penis got noticeably larger, but as soon as suction was broken, it deflated like a balloon. For recreation or enlargement purposes, I understand they can cause damage if used excessively. I'm curious if the suction temporarily affects sensitivity. Seems like it would.

2. If they were treated with radiation, the usual reason is damage to blood vessels. They may have good luck with Viagra or or one of the other impotence meds. Question: Have you (or your partner) ever used Viagra, Cialis, or similar? Did it work? Any interesting side effects? Any 4-hour erections? Tell us how you made use of that ;-) No vasodilators around this house. Not yet. I'm curious about the effects of them on women, though. One conversational source told me her young grandson is on Viagra for health reasons due to neonatal breathing/eating complications but the females around him aren't allowed to touch it, especially his sisters because it can cause sterility in them. First time I'd heard that.

3. Some men may opt for a penile implant. See http://www.urologicalcare.com/advanced-ed-treatments/types-penile-implants/. Do you have experience with a penile implant (as owner or lover-of-owner)? Did it work for you? Again, no experience (yet) but the day his dick stops working is the day I sit him down and we decide together how we're gonna fix it. If they make a Robocock 6000, we'll go for that. ;)

4. If they were treated with hormone therapy (e.g. Lupron Depot), they may also lose all libido. I can’t think of a good question, but if you have a story, please share. No story to share, but like the previous answer...we'd be sitting down and having a serious heart to heart about how to find a solution ASAP. No sex is not an option. I never want to be one of those old women who sit around complaining of their old husbands and talk about how they're glad they don't have to "deal with them" anymore. I realize sex changes as we get older but I feel strongly about the fact that it should never stop.

5. Some men diagnosed with Prostate Cancer change their diet or avoid certain foods.
Did you ever change your diet for health reasons? How did it work out? How long did you stay on the diet? I changed my diet when I was pregnant with my kiddos and it was the best I ever felt in my entire life. When I was nursing them my diet has to be considered, but wasn't as strict as when I was growing a human inside of me. And of course, now and then I've reined in my poor eating habits when I start to feel the bad effects or when the number on the scale isn't to my liking. I won't call it a diet, I'll just call it "doing what I should be doing anyways".

The prostate is a sexual organ, and treatment of the prostate changes the sexual experience.

6. A man who has had his prostate removed does not ejaculate at orgasm. How would you react to a total lack of cum? I'd reduce my Kleenex purchases in half. That's about all. I'm not sex negative about cum. You'll never hear me cry out "ewwwwwww", but you'll not hear me "mmmmmmmm"  over it either. I like what it represents more than I like it, itself. Yes, I swallow the stuff and on the lucky occasion I get filled with it. But I could do without it just fine. It would make proving a ruined orgasm a lot more difficult, though. Does the prostate have anything to do with preejaculate? Now, that I would most definitely miss.

7. Although removal of the prostate reduces the intensity of orgasm in the pelvic region, some men report orgasmic feelings in other parts of the body, some describing a “whole body orgasm.” How cool is that? That is exceptionally cool. The body has fascinating abilities, one of them is to outsource our pleasure receptors when the usual ones are incapacitated. A paralyzed person can feel sexual pleasure from a non erotic body area such as a thumb. That's awesome!

8. Do you think a man treated for PRostate Cancer deserves a blow job? If yes, please email Virtual Sin aka SinnerMan… I think all men deserve blow jobs. That is - if they've earned them. ;)
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Then and Now

Thank you to the TMI Tuesday reader who submitted the following THEN AND NOW questions. He wanted to remain anonymous.

1. What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 17 year old you? Oh, wow, okay.....let's do some inventory : I like to think there's a natural course that women take in their sexual development, so the concepts that I'm now in my late 30s and using vibrators and toys in the bedroom doesn't embarrass me or that knowing my body very well and taking what I need from a relationship and being vocal about it are par for the course. If one is lucky.

I'll even go so far as to say that my love of receiving and giving anal sex, and my penchant for gay porn (while surprising to me just 3 years ago) is a part of the natural progression of my sexuality. I've said it many times : when one opens their mind to new ideas and possibilities, it's damn near impossible to close it back. Essentially, once you go kink, you'll do more than you think.

My 17 year old self (which is a perfect age, BTW, since it was a pivotal age for me) would be shocked at most of the kinky fuckery I get up to on a good day. She'd pull a skeptical face and ask "Really???" But she would be downright scandalized, dare I say pissed off at the idea of her pending marriage becoming anything less than 100% monogamous. Cheating and messing around a.k.a. "being intimate in any way with anyone else beside your partner", although hurtful, was part of the teenage boyfriend/girlfriend experience. I should know. I messed around a lot behind my boyfriends' backs. At a time in my life when I was tired of boys, I met a man who possessed all the qualities I'd been needing in a partner. Never mind that I was underage and he was 22. Within 4 months of dating him he asked and I said yes. I was never more sure of anything in my life, except for the fact that we were everything each of us would ever need.

So, fast forward to today when I openly flirt with men, lust after them, have unconventional friendships with men who are not my husband, and at one time have even participated in a D/s play partnership, all with the knowledge, blessing, and acceptance of my husband...I think my 17 year old self would be holding me down to stitch the letter A permanently and directly on my skin. My views on monogamy have been the biggest change for me because I held a deeply rooted opinion about it previously.

2. What one thing might shock that younger you? That at some point in the future, the person I loved the most and made me the happiest would also be the person I hated the most and made me the unhappiest. Inconceivable.

Oh, and that over 20 years later women's health and reproductive rights would be threatened with a possible backslide that would take them back to the 19th century. Also inconceivable.

3. What part of the younger you’s (not necessarily at age 17) sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia? Hands down, my body and his stamina. I'd love to travel back in time to my life then with my mind now. I have vivid flashbacks of the feel and sight of the hard flat planes of our abdomens gliding furiously against each other covered in sweat. There were times I had to wipe it away in order to get the friction I needed. We're both...shall we say...a little more comfortable to cuddle up with now. :)

4. Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled? I have yet to become a burlesque dancer, work as a naughty librarian, or take my husband back to Paris with me and fuck him senseless in the City of Lights. My only regret is the Paris thing.

Bonus: Give your 17 year old self a piece of sexual advice. Grow some ovaries and ask yor mother to take you to the doctor to go on the pill. She knows you're having sex, so stop being embarrassed to say it out loud so you can have reliable birth control, because dear, you suck at using condoms.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Friday, October 19, 2012

The one where Freya admits to hating cock

Did you know there's this cool thing called t.v.?
And if you have digital cable, there's this thing called a guide right on the screen anytime you want to know what's on that cool t.v.?
Did you know that episodes of your favorite t.v. shows all have names? (it tells you right there in the guide)

Well, I recently re-learned all these things, and am amused by them all.

You see, I stopped watching television 3 years ago when my reading habits hit full force. It coincided with the time that our couch finally became so worn and uncomfortable that I stopped sitting on it, or going into the t.v. room for any reason at all, really. I tried for awhile to hang out in there and read while Od watched a show, but 1.) I need super silence to read 'cause I'm easily distracted due to Mommy ears - I hear ev.er.y.thing., and 2.) a person can only listen to so much Storage Wars and Pawn Stars before you wanna kill someone. Seriously, that's ALL he watches and those two shows seem to run continuously. Well, he does watch NCIS. All 347 seasons of it. Again, it's ALWAYS playing, and every time it is, it's "one he hasn't seen before".  My bedroom, with it's comfy bed, became my favored retreat area. This also coincided with my kids hitting the hard teen years full force, so it all worked out nicely.

But now we have a new, comfy couch, and I've crawled out of my cave and rejoined the family in the family room. I've claimed the best seat on the sofa and taken control of the remote once again. And you know what? I like t.v. My watching habits are rusty, so it's hit or miss for me catching the shows I watch on the actual night they air...but you know what else???? I can DVR them and watch them whenever I want! I know, right? It's like magic.

So anyway, before I learned how to work the DVR function, and whenever I was in the mood for mindless recreation, I'd power up the boob tube and I could always find some Friends. You know my friends don't you? Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica? Sure you do. I've known them ever since a fateful day back in the fall of 1994 when as a tired, desperate mother I wanted to unwind after struggling to get my colicky baby to sleep. I caught the pilot episode, and it was instant love. I tuned in every week. I laughed with them, I loved with them, I shipped R and R so hard that it hurt, and I mourned the loss of them when the show ended. Seeing them again in reruns reminds me bitter sweetly just how much time has passed. But I get to watch with new eyes and I get to know things I didn't know back then. Like the names of the episodes. Because my handy dandy digital cable guide tells me. They all start "The one with..." or "The one where..." How clever.

So now it's a thing with me. I was entirely too amused with the gimmick of the show titles, and I like to apply it to my everyday life. Right now "The one with no sex for 13 days" is playing. Or, "The one where Freya loses her voice". If you don't like those, we can change the channel to the episode that plays all day every day from sun up to sun down : "The one where Freya admits to hating cock".

This kind of cock, silly.

I don't even know how this happened, as I live right in the center of the city , but one of my neighbors has a cock. And I hate it. Specifically, I hate it most when the weather is cool enough (like right now) to have the windows open while sleeping. While trying to sleep. And I hate it whenever I spend time outside and hear the damn thing crowing. 'Cause you wanna know something about this rooster? It crows all. the. fucking. time. He doesn't just do his job in the morning, greeting the break of day, then spend his day happily pecking at bugs and chasing his hens. Oh, no. He's a malcontent little fucker and he shares it with everybody. All. the. time. Did I mention that part?

He cock a doodle doos when I wish he cock a doodle didn't. Ever again. This has been going on for over a year. I can't believe one of his closer neighbors hasn't complained. It's got to be against some sound ordinance, or something.

I bet I can flip the t.v. channel over to the food Network and rustle up a tasty recipe for coq au vin.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Au naturale

Not once in my earthly life have I ever considered myself a hippie. Hippy - yes. Hippie - no.

Even my parents, who were part of the right generation, were never hippies. My dad had a ponytail for a brief period and my mom loved her macrame. That's as close as it got.

However, without any real effort on my part, I seem to be moving more and more towards a more natural way of being. Perhaps I'm just getting older and becoming more aware of how I need to respect and take care of my body and environment. Or perhaps Mother Nature has been speaking to me all along and I've only now begun listening.

All around me there's little changes. Organic foods are taking up a larger spot in my grocery cart than ever before, and that's when I bother to grocery shop. I've had a field day at local produce stands and farmer's markets this past spring and summer. I'm opting to make and use natural cleansers to avoid harsh chemicals. I'm bartering my goods and handiwork for that of others : haircuts, handmade soap, and lip balm. Not only do I reduce, reuse, and recycle, but I compost, too.

You're more likely to find me sans bra than sporting one. The first thing I want to do when I get home is strip down to as little as possible and pad around the house barefoot. I have a new appreciation for the body as it was created, and honestly one of my biggest regrets is that as a young mother I stupidly conformed to modern medical beliefs and had my son circumcised. It's no secret that I happen to love a man in his natural, hairy state. If you're naturally smooth, that's cool too. Whatever is good for you is good for me.

Personally, I prefer to be smooth. It's not a chore for me to remain smooth. I have genetics to thank for that. But 3 weeks ago I didn't shave. I don't know why. I just didn't. Not even on sheet changing day. And there's almost nothing better than smooth clean legs sliding into fresh, soft sheets.

I took out my shaving supplies, set them on the edge of the tub, and during my washing, conditioning, scrubbing, and exfoliating I couldn't bring myself to pick up the razor. Why? I thought. I'll just be miserable in two days scratching like crazy at the itchy new growth. I'll leave marks, then the body lotion will sting, because I always have to use lotion. And if I'm not going to shave my legs, why would I shave my underarms? And since I was already a couple weeks behind on shaving my pussy, well...a matched set made more sense to me. I'll be saving time, the environment, and some sanity all in one.

So, how's it going? Well, I decided to show off my fluff and fuzz to Od, so he would know this was an intentional move. He leaned in closely to peer at my pits, rubbed them to verify there was anything there, then said "I'm proud of you for trying." Then the fucker laughed at me! You see, he's pretty much got the market cornered in our household as far as body hair goes. Me? Well, *sigh...*, I resemble a 13 year old blond boy trying to grow a beard.

I was expecting him to complain about my leg hair the most, but it's grown in so soft and sparse that it's been a non-issue. Not that he would complain. He's not like that. Actually, he wouldn't say so if I asked directly, in case I change my mind, but I think he prefers me with a bush. He's been petting me more than usual. That may or may not be due to a month long dry spell we just got over. The point is, he seems to like it, and I do too.

It'll be easy for me to keep this up for awhile because fall is right around the corner with it's cool weather requiring leg coverings and long sleeves. For now I'm keeping as much as possible au naturale.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

TMI Tuesday Big O, Little O, mine, or yours - I like 'em all

My first waking thought today wasn't *gasp* "It's 9/11" followed by swooping sentimentality of all that it means to live in the U.S. in the aftermath of what happened on this particular date years ago.

Instead, I woke to the thoughts of my hair appointment, my daughter's doctor's appointment, when I would squeeze the morning walk with the dog in, did a mental checklist of all my class prep work for tonight, and then I subtracted a few minutes from the "getting ready" column and added them to the "getting off" column.

On this date of September 11, 2012 I choose to celebrate the life affirming beauty that is all around me, with all of it's responsibilities, all of it's freedoms, all of it's simple joys, and I'm thankful for being able to do that. I'm living life how I choose to live it and I do what I can to be happy. That's how I respect the memory of people no longer with us, no matter the way in which they left us.

I prefer quiet observation rather than showy, public offers of respect.

So on this gorgeous day with a bright sunny sky and hardly any humidity to undo my new 'do, I took the scenic route on my walk, I gave an extra wide smile to fellow walkers, I played with my pup just a little longer and gave him a treat before breakfast just because I could, I revelled in the spare time I have today because I'm on top of my game and I'm ready for class, and also because I made an effort to start the day off relaxed and with a smile.

This week’s theme “Orgasms” and the questions are brought to you by Naughty Tashamber.

The Big O


1 – Do you remember your first orgasm? How old were you? Tell us about it. I can recall masturbating fairly young. Probably 7 or 8 years old. Not with any knowledge or expectation of results other than "when I do this thing it feels really good and I should probably keep this to myself". I don't remember if I had an orgasm that young. I do remember having them at age 11. I didn't know they were orgasms. I associated this fabled orgasm as a pleasurable part of sex with a partner. I wouldn't know that I had indeed been having orgasms until I was 17 and had my first partnered orgasm. I recognized the building sensation and was elated at figuring out that puzzle. It was an unforgettable moment of self discovery.

2 – What is your favorite way to orgasm? (Sex, g-spot/p-spot, oral, etc). Through deep penetration with body to body contact and clitoral stimulation. Currently that means that I was fucked with my Vixen Mustang dildo strapped into a knee harness with a bullet vibe pressed between us against my clit. Must. Do. That. More. Often. I was so drained that I couldn't move afterwards. God, I love his legs.

3 – Are there any ways you want to experience an orgasm but haven’t yet? (oral, p-spot/g-spot, with or without a vibrator, squirt, etc). I'm pretty lucky and versatile as far as orgasms go. I've done a lot of personal exploration, and for all my frustrations in the anatomy/sexual pleasure department, I have a lot to be thankful for. However, I'd love to be able to experience multiple orgasms with a partner, the rolling, connected kind of orgasm after orgasm with out a vibrator.  I'm not wired that way, though, I don't think.  Also, if ever once in my life I experience an orgasm through double penetration involving two men and their cocks I would die an extremely happy woman.

4 – Have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep?   I don't really have many sex dreams. I woke up once from a dream on the verge of orgasm, but the shock from having that particular dream chased it away. The sex dreams that I do have are vivid, usually bizarre, and I get more caught up in the storyline than the pleasure going on, or somehow my brain edits out the pleasurable parts. My sleeping brain is a cock blocking asshole. 

5 – What is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm? Usually by fantasizing about something from my taboo list. If I'm mentally aroused then it doesn't matter if I use my fingers (the least dependable of my methods) or my strongest vibrator.

6 – How many times a week do you try to reach orgasm? I don't try. I just do. Or I don't. Usually it's at least one or two just to stay sane. Closer to 6-10 if I'm having a good week or I'm hormonal.

7 – Have you ever had an orgasm at the same time as your partner? Who normally cums first? Yes, we've had simultaneous orgasms. It was fun and nice that we could experience that in the beginning of our relationship. We don't cum at the same time anymore. Well, rarely. This is for a lot of reasons. Our style of sex has changed drastically. Sometimes there's no penile penetration. What gets me off has changed drastically. Sometimes he's more of an assistant than a director. How long he can last during  has changed.  I'd like this to change but I work with what I've got. And sometimes, just sometimes, his orgasm isn't even on the menu. No matter the sex act that's going on, though, I've become a big fan of separate orgasms. I enjoy mine more thoroughly when it's just about me in that moment without any distractions. I don't feel like I'm missing out on my favorite show. And during his orgasm I prefer to be 100% present in the moment for him, so I can watch and listen.

In a mutual situation where both of us are aiming for an orgasm, though - I cum first.

8 – Can you have multiples? I can have more than one orgasm in an extended session using toys. Typically two is my limit unless I use my Panasonic "back massager", then I can go for more (last week I think I timed 6) but they are not as enjoyable as the two back-to-backs that I enjoy with other toys. Sometimes I'm just greedy and I like having more just 'cause I can, and I like the sweaty exhaustion from working so hard to get that many.

9 – How long does it normally take you to reach orgasm? By myself, average is 5 minutes. Longer if my imagination is rusty or my iPhone takes a long time to buffer the video clip. With a partner it can be just as quick or take much longer if we're having an off day and not in sync.

10 – Have you ever faked one? Yep. I wish I could proudly state how dishonest and counterproductive it is to fake and that I've not done it, nor would I ever. The truth is, when I was younger and experimenting with sex acts I didn't have the courage to ask for what I wanted or to give directions if I needed a change. I was experiencing pleasurable feelings, regardless, and the only way I knew to express that was through faking it. It was immature and a clear sign that perhaps I wasn't ready for sex. But my offenses didn't end there. I've faked it plenty throughout my marriage. At times when I knew for certain that he was suffering a tender ego, and I didn't want to detract from his pleasure, I've faked it knowing that his unhappiness in not pleasing me might make him hold off longer on future encounters. Things have changed for us a lot in the past 2 1/2 years, where sexual pleasure and satisfaction does not always equal orgasm, and I'm honest and up front about everything now. In the long run I know this is better for us, even if there's still some frustrating days.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

TMI Tuesday

Hey there blog readers! Hello? Anyone still there? Oh - there you are. :)
I'm diving back into writing. I have some things to say, some stories to tell, and issues to get off my chest. I forgot how cathartic writing things out could be. I've been easily distracted by tumblr, along with the general distraction of not having any alone time for almost the entire summer. Whew! It's been way too long. In more ways than one, but I'll get to that later.....

Gettin’ Off

1. Have you ever initiated a booty call? I've participated in intentional hook ups, but that's different, I suppose. I can only recall one time in person where I initiated a booty call. I showed up at his door after work on a school night for the sole purpose of getting laid. He obliged me. Then sent me home so I wouldn't be late and get in trouble.

2. Have you ever accepted a booty call? Of sorts. I received an email from someone who needed help getting off to kill some time in an airport. I provided the words and scenario tailored to his likes and he was very grateful. I have the video as proof!

3. Ever had a “friend with benefits” relationship? How long did it last? Are you still friends or acquaintances with that person? Are you still having sex with that friend? The closest I've come to that is when I agreed to go to prom with Jeff if we were both single at the time (which we did) and somehow that morphed into a relationship. With benefits. So no, not really. Mostly I've been single, dating around, or in relationships. I could use a FWB, to be honest.

4. Tell us about your best one-night stand, what made it so good? This  is tricky...mostly because all my one timers were so long ago, but also because there were good and bad aspects to nearly all of them. I could easily pick the worst of all my singular encounters (Randy in the pool) but the best? Hmmm...surprisingly I'll go with Shawn. He was the slutty friend of my friend's boyfriend and we were drinking (hello lower inhibitions) and I was underage. It should have never happened, but I wasn't so young that I couldn't appreciate his comical attitude, his fun nature and the fact that he went down on me very well before he assumed it would be okay to wave his dick in my face. He in turn was appreciative of my burgeoning blow job skills. He even sang to me afterwards, praising me. He flattered me, showed me a good time, and made me laugh, even if he didn't make me cum. The only downside to the encounter was the brief period of time afterwards that I worried over the possibility of contracting an STI from him. Like I said, he was a slut.

5. When was your last one-night stand? August 1991 Navy Boy

6. What’s the grimiest, dirtiest place that you’ve had sex? I've had sex on a store floor before, but on a blanket so no, that doesn't count. In my car, but the front seat was tidy, so no. A pool - there's chlorine to kill bacteria. A shower - the epitome of clean fun. Outside in the grass perhaps but only my backside.....Wait. Nope. I got it. The time me and boyfriend #1 had sex doggy style in the middle of my childhood elementary school's playground field. My hands and knees ended up getting muddy and we had to walk uptown to the gas station (nearest public restroom) to clean up before going back to my house. My mother had eagle eyes and would notice any suspicious behavior once we returned.
Bonus: What’s the one random thing you wish your friends knew about you? I have a handful of very good friends. People that I let in already know the things I  wish they would know. It's hard to earn my trust and easy to lose it, so when I have a good friend, I'm an open book.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

TMI Tuesday 7/31/12

The Comfort and Thrill of Sex

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t really enjoy it.
e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
f. I have never given anal sex.
g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.
(a) I love it! Bend over for me baby. Penis, fingers, sex toys? YES TO ALL! (okay it's a proxy penis in the form of a dildo, but still...) There's a certain trust involved that I love, plus the added intensity of his orgasms are very nice. One of my goals is to give him a hands free orgasm through prostate play. He'll need to be more comfortable with his own ass before that ever happens, I think. It's a work in progress. We don't play with his ass enough to have figured out the magic combination.

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.
e. I have never received anal sex.
f. I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.
(a) I love it! I enjoy anal very enthusiastically, when the mood is right. I know my body well and listen to clues as to how I want to get off. I get a craving for anal play (for myself) maybe once a month.  I'm not above telling Od to use his fingers, to grab my plug, or to fuck me in the ass. It's better though when he offers it because he knows I enjoy it. Coincidentally, he offered last night and it was fanfuckingtastic! I've learned two curious things about anal stimulation for me : 1.) my pussy gets wetter than ever when something is placed in my ass. It makes no sense to me, but it's instantly soaked. 2.) once I cum, all placement and movement of whatever is in my ass needs to stop immediately. It goes from 'ohmygodthisisthebestthingEVER!!!' to 'okaystopgetitoutnowpleasegetitout!!!'. There is no such thing as round 2 with anal.

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?
a. It’s a turn on for me.
b. It turns me on a little bit.
c. I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d. It does nothing for me.
e. I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f. I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.
I can't even remember what that feels like. I've not had a new lover in almost 21 years. (and Jesus, just typing that seems weird) It's not a turn on, because I have a thing about being watched. That in itself is strange because I'm a HUGE voyeur, but being watched closely, or silently, or intently almost makes my skin crawl. If I'm being touched, or there's talking or some other distraction it's not too bad. I don't really understand why this is. I have no problem being naked, getting naked, and lord knows I've done a strip routine a time or two...this is probably a topic better left to a therapist. ;) And I can't honestly say that it does nothing for me, because it does to an extent, plus it means there's most likely going to be sexy times. Woohoo! But the feelings are tempered with that dreaded feeling of being inspected. And it's not that I don't like it because I'm shy. I'm not a shy person. Like...at all. And we're all aware that most sex bloggers don't have many issues with natural acts being immoral or improper so that's definitely out. I'm drawing a blank on this one. Oh hey, I know! Maybe I need a new lover to try this out with and I can get back to you with an answer. Yes?

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.
(a.) I make a lot of sounds and am free with them. It turns Od on to hear me and I use my sounds to let him know when he's REALLY doing something right. Words tend to fail me in the actual act, so sounds are good. Loud sounds are better.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
Probably (a.) Curiously though, we do most of our dirty talking outside the bedroom. Our daily conversations are filled with innuendos and codes, and when the kids aren't nearby it's downright filthy. I say things often to test his boundaries and to gauge him sexually. I also like to threaten to do things to him. It's fun because it makes him smile this sweet little boy smile that is part amusement, part disbelief. He's come to find out that I'm not always joking. Foolishly, he admitted to liking me this way. It's our own mild version of consensual non-consent, if you will.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale
Well, I don't squeak and I won't make your ears bleed, so I'm left with option (b.) That's not exactly right either. Maybe a growling wolf, if I've had a hard time chasing down an orgasm, but more likely a panting wolf. I do this breath holding thing when I get really close. Then when I actually cum, all bets are off as to the sound that comes out.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?
Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space.*
Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*
Both. I want it all. The perfect situation is to have all these options. Some days it's lazy, reconnective, let me show you I love you sex, and other times there's a driving passion to pull out the bag of tricks, do some research on a new technique and fuck each other silly. I never want to get to a place where there's nothing new left. I do believe that the comfort and familiarity needs to come first, but the relationship doesn't need to stop there. I've said it before, but sex is like recess for adults. It's where we play and simply enjoy ourselves. Tag and hopscotch are great, but will get stale if that's all there is. I like swings, I like slides, I want the whole fucking playground. And maybe, just maybe, I want to share my toys and go play at a friend's house, too. ;)
*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

TMI Tuesday Let's Go To Bed (yes, let's!!!)

Let’s Go To Bed

(Yes that is an invitation ;-);-) as well as a song by one of my fave groups The Cure. –Hedone)

The perfect bedroom. Sleep in cool sheets, have hot sweaty sex, take a dip to cool off. Rinse. Repeat.
Allow me to preface my answers with a few words. It should be alarming to me that I got excited and squealy over this week's TMI topic. Much more than last week's - and that was about kink. Y'all know how I feel about kink. The summer lazies have a tight grip on me and I've spent hours and hours in my bed relaxing, reading, hiding from my kids, trying out new toys, napping, watching movies, etc...I'm not even kidding when I tell you that the words "hey look.....I'm vertical!" have been announced to no one in particular as an actual  accomplishment.

I sincerely love my bed. Carrying on........

Most importantly it is the theme of this week’s TMI Tuesday. Tell us about your bed.

1. What size (King, queen, full, twin)? My bed is a queen. If I had the room for it, it'd be a king, but our bedroom is close quarters as it is with the queen.

2. What mattress construction (conventional springs, air bed, water bed, Tempurpedic-type)? I'm the lucky owner of a Tempurpedic-Cloud Luxe. It's fucking spectacular. It's like a full body hug every time I lay down. I actually moan at times from the sheer pleasure of becoming horizontal.

3. What type furniture (just a frame, headboard/footboard, canopy, trundle, etc)? Describe. Well - we removed the headboard and footboard (which had canopy posts that we never utilized) a long time ago "to make the room more spacious". That's what we said. What it really meant was : they squeak too loudly during sex and Freya strains the headboard too much by pushing on it! That was our old bed. On our new-ish bed we  have just the mattress and a weird platform base that needed somewhere to go other than the floor. We (and by we I mean Od) took the opportunity to...uh, customize the new frame. It's shaped like a tic tac toe board with open edges that make nice storage compartments, it's super sturdy (no squeaking), and it conveniently has multiple points where hardware has been affixed for restraints. Due to the nature of the memory foam mattress and the sturdiness of the frame Od could fuck me, or I could fuck him, into oblivion and anyone in the house will be none the wiser. Theoretically. There's still human noises to account for. ;)
*let me make note that even though the bed skirt hides the hardware, I've had to hold my breath and shoo them out quickly when I find one of the kids looking under there for the cat. We now have a locking set on our door, and I lock it all. the. time.
4. If your bed has headboard/footboard or bedposts, have you ever been tied to them? Ever tied anyone to them? For what purpose? I was tied to the old bed using ropes and at the time I hated it. That was when it was still my bed in my childhood bedroom. I took it with me when I moved out. I have been restrained to the new bed using adjustable straps, cuffs, and clips - but not as much as I've restrained someone to them. For the purpose of dirty, dirty, kinky sex, of course.
5. What kind of sheets (cotton, linen, silk, flannel)? Cotton sateen sheets. I purposely time shaving my legs with new sheet day and those two things combined with the heady scent of fabric softener and a lavender-vanilla pillow mist that I use.....it's absolute heaven.

6. What kind of blankets (cotton, wool, thermal, electric)? No blankets. I have a furry man to cuddle up to. *grins* Although I have a plush brown blanket ("dinky", in our house thank you very much) that I use on my side of the bed between the sheet and comforter on the rare winter night.

7. What’s on top (bedspread, duvet,…)? Topping off my personal hideaway is a comforter. I want to get a down comforter after I learn to sew better so I can make multiple duvet covers. I'm a bit funny about bed coverings. I'm on my 9th set. They either wear out from multiple washings, obtain damage from kitty claws, I get bored with them, they don't match new decor, or like the one that I really, really loved...Od fucking hated it with a passion - it was too hot. It's a dream of mine to find a perfectly weighted comforter that doesn't cause him to break out in night sweats that will still be cozy and snug for me. One of these days.....

8. What kind of pillow (down, foam, fiberfill)? My pillow is dense and squishy, and it smells like coconuts. It's a memory foam pillow, of sorts. It was free with the bed. And it's awesome. Not good for pillow fights, though - someone could break a neck. Not that I remember the last time I had a pillow fight. I should remedy that soon. :)

Bonus: Fill in the blank and answer question.
If _____ comes over, will you let them fuck you on your bed? Yes or no. Not sure how to approach my answer, but let me say this : there's a small number of men who would have a memorable time in my bed should the opportunity arise. And plenty more that have made guest appearances, if only in spirit.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

TMI Blankety Blank

Blankety Blank

Complete the sentences by filling in the blanks.
1. I could spend all day reading  but couldn’t stand five minutes  doing taxes .
2. I would love to have a robot in my house to do the floors  because no one else ever does. (actually I prefer a houseboy to a robot, but I'll accept either.)
3. The older you get the more appreciative  you get.
4. I want to  share Europe with my husband  when I finally convince him to get on a plane  .
5. My appetite for passion can never be satisfied.
Bonus: If I were a hoarder, I would hoard art supplies . (I sort of already do that)
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

If you're bored...

...and need some summer reading, I participated in an interview. You can read it here.

If you really like it and want more, here's the rest of the women's interviews.

I enjoyed (and stressed over) completing the interview with DD because her questions made me think long and hard about who it is I've become since discovering my kinky self. I almost said kinky side, but I'm convinced kink has taken over. Satisfied or not.

I wrote my answers back in February so you'll notice more enthusiasm than you might find today, but it's a journey through my thoughts about my sex life as it was then.

Let me know what you think, or in the least let DD know you stopped by!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The very merry month of May. Or was it?

I meant to share my progress at least once during Masturbation Month, but didn't. Then I meant to do a recap at the end of the month, but didn't. So here we are almost a month later and I've just now mapped out the plan to share my results. I know why it took so long. I'm avoiding the Big Ugly Thing that happened. I do that sometimes. Right now I'm in a mindframe to be all inclusive with my info. In lieu of the scheduled TMI, I'm posting this instead. I think you'll find it appropriate. This is way TMI.

I started a daily journal throughout the month for myself and for Od. A few days into May there was a marital catastrophe. For the previous 6 months (maybe longer?) I'd been getting glimpses and notions that our "better" was slipping backwards. I can see it in my previous writings occasionally. It was frighteningly familiar, although inconsistent. I was reading the signs carefully for a long time, not knowing if I was seeing an emerging awful pattern, or just intermittent bad days. It was easy to take a good day and think 'I guess things aren't getting worse.' But those days kept spacing themselves further and further apart. So, emerging awful pattern it was. We were due for a meltdown. (and by "we" of course I mean me. He can ignore something unpleasant for an eternity.) It took Masturbation Month and the intentional focus on our sexuality to bring it to a head. Which it did, relatively quickly.

The month could have been ruined only 4 days in, but I persevered. I think it was knowing I'd be posting the results that kept me from giving in. My emotions, my confidence, my energy, and my happiness all took some serious hits in May. So...for better or worse...I'm offering my daily journal as is, unedited, typos and all :

Freya's merry, merry month of May :

May 1, shortly after midnight : Can't sleep. Purple gspot vibe. Lubed up, massaged gspot gently, builing pleasure until fully aroused, squirted after a euphoric welling of sensations ended in a small burst of happy pussy tears. Not an orgasm, but satisfying. Took the edge off. Relaxed enough to fallasleep. Rating from 1-10: 4.

May 1, 11:30 a.m. : Purple gspot vibe again, added in bullet vibe on clit this time. More vigorous thrusting because I'm alone this time (no risk of waking Od). Build up intesnse from inside. A warm, calm, confident pleasure. No chasing required. Tipped over into orgasm easily. Slight gushing, not as much as last time. Back of my thighs feel rubbery, I'm cum drunk sleepy, and also famished. 30 minutes later I still feel glowing, humming, whatever low resonance adjective works here. rate 7

May 1, 7:45 p.m. : went for my hat trick after all. very clit aware all afternoon and evening, like it was a living thing of it's own, very demanding. I'm blaming the rain and stormy weather for the extra energy. anyway, used bullet on clit while watching gay porn. orgasm was a finicky little bitch and made me chase her down. took longer than other two in the day. rate 6

May 2, 11:30 a.m. : used lelo soraya. took a long time and switched up thrusting method a lot. finally came, but was working up a sweat. wth? sort of frustrated afterwards from the effort it took to cum. headache intensified, not receded. rating 6

may 3, 9 p.m. : joined od while he masturbated with my bullet.. played with gspot vibe while he played, waiting my turn. slightly distracted by his presence. i needed my bullet, so i waited, amped up the verbal volume to speed him along intentionally to push him over the edge. i was overstimulated internally by that time. light was on, i felt too exposed, too disconnected, even when he took over the gspot vibe. no foreplay, no kissing due to cold, it felt forced, i got close a lot of times, but extended vibrations numbed me out and it was too intense when he pushed firmly. i gave up, became emotional, things bubbled out and i found words for feelings that had been present for a few months. terrible timing. not pleasant. depressed afterwards. things are apparently not okay. no orgasm, but technically I masturbated. whatever. might be my sex life for awhile. fml. im nothing if not stubborn, though. im still gonna do this thing. fuck it. rate negative.

may 4, 8:30 a.m. : after shower before I needed to make the bed. used hands over chest, stomach, vulva, then panasonic vibe. couldn't keep mind from wandering to stressful thoughts over and over again. barely got a twitch or tingle of interest. more like a massage than masturbation but i'm counting it. no orgasm, no real desire for one. too depressed, upset, sad, whatever. sexuality and happiness go hand in hand. now i'm evenmore sure of it. better luck tomorrow, but i don't count on it. rating 1

may 5, 11 p.m.ish : exhausted from long day. Mentally, physically. Laying in bed trying to tune the thoughts and feelings of the day out, remembered I haven't had any alone time. I take a few minutes to play, explore with my hands. I confirm my pussy is still there, but not much else. Sad thing is, i could really use an orgasm to fall asleep, but my mind and body won't cooperate. I'm still counting it though. i made an effort. rating 0

may 6, after midnight (so technically the 7th) but within my waking hours, so it's still good in my book. Again, couldn't sleep, tumblred for a bit, tried to listen to music, then podcasts, then decided to give masturbation a try after having called the day a wash. I used my lelo and knew instantly that my body would cooperate. my pussy responded enthusiastically and after a few stop/starts because I tried really hard not to wake Od I finally came. It was with pleasure, it was with relief, and it was with enough release for me to use the oxytocin to fall asleep. I quickly cleaned up and made good use of the afterglow. Finally. rate 6 (if not for the pleasure level, than for the relief)

may 7, 10:30 am : I knew that I should make good use of my alone time because I was feeling the need for some ass play. I tried out the blue dildo previously used for Od, and i really liked the way it felt in my own ass. Laying on my side i reached behind me to work the dildo and after I found a rhythm, applied the bullet in between my clenched legs to hold the vibe in place. The angle was tiring after awhile and i tried something else that was new. I sat up on the bed and rocked with the dildo inside of me and used my hands to barely touch my clit. That was practically unnecessary. It took some time, but I had what can only be described as an anal orgasm. I don't know. It was gentle, mild, but extremely pleasurable, but not in the throbbing-clit-pussy-clenching kind of way. Weird, but I loved it. rate 7 for novelty.

may 8, 10:00 : again leaving it until down around the wire I seized the opportunity for solo pleasure. I was media multi-tasking...watching t.v. with my ears, reading on my epad and checking email, tumblr, and blog updates intermittently on my iPhone. Od went to take a shower so I used the guaranteed alone time. He has tragically poor timing in general : asking to help with grocery bags as I walk in with the last of many... calling me on the phone during the last 5 minutes of a movie I'm watching or during an exciting part of a book I'm reading...and of course walking down the hall or coming into the bedroom at a crucial moment while I'm masturbating. We joke about it, but yeah...now was not the time for disturbances. I had a good 15-20 minute window so I pulled out my bullet, and loaded some porn on my phone. I relaxed and worked the vibe back and forth in painting like motions over my clit while the soundtrack of a very verbal man receiving an apparently satisfying blowjob played in my ears. I just needed the sounds of pleasure. My orgasm was not a sure thing at first, but in the second and third play of the short clip I got worked up enough and eventually came at the same time as the man in the video. rate 6

may 9, late, after midnight but within waking hours, again, I'm counting it : we went out to dinner and a movie, on the way home he asked me a question that lead off our first direct talk about our problems since "the blowout". we continued talking for over an hour in the garage, resolved some hurt feelings enough to kiss and make up. it was a major relief. he offered that he'd kept his promise of reaching his goal save one day. I offered a tidbit about my activities and when we went to bed i broached the subject of helping each other out so we did. it was a comfortable reunion. lots of passionate kisses. i was only slightly nervous about including my breasts and any negative thoughts that might occur, but it wasn't a problem. we focused on my pussy, which was a nice change to be honest. using the penis sleeve like a dildo he fucked me and I used my vibe on my clit. i chased that feeling all over the place and had what felt like a gspot orgams, (thought i gushed, but no) and the prolonged vibrations were beginning to tingle/burn and the intensity became overwhelming. it took a few thrusting tempo changes to get in "the zone" where i felt the orgasm building and i think the tenseness of the last few days had me on edge and holding in but he said all the right things encouraging me to let go...so i did. it was cathartic. pleasurable, intense, but more like a healing. right after i asked him to pull the toy out and with a growl i rolled him over, mounted him and rode him. he stopped me long enough to yank my tank top off and with spirit in his mouth he gripped my hips and set the pace to a quick and easy orgasm. sleep soon followed along with the best 5 hours of sleep i've had in a week. thank fucking god. rate 7

may 10 : i totally dropped the ball. no masturbation. no orgasm. i was happy to crawl in bed next to a sleeping Od and curl up to his back while I scrolled through tumblr on my phone. i welcomed the comfort and the sleep that soon found me. no desire to masturbate.

may 11 : watched a video clip on my phone and used the panasonic vibrator on my pussy over the sheet and came at the same time as the guy in the video. easy, quick. rate 5

may 12, late at night : after we nursed od fingered me prepping with lube then sucked on my nipples while i steared the lelo. rate 6 afterwards we had a surprisingly long sex session. i worried somewhat that he wouldnt be able to finish. side effect of building stamina. he worked up a sweat!

may 13 : i skipped. not even vaguely interested so i didnt force it. lazy rainy day. i spent the last few hours of the day in bed reading and im sure (as i was nude) that my hand wandered between my legs to pet. if that counts. it was with no intent for pleasure, just wandering hands...because i could.

may 14, morning : i joined od while he masturbated after we nursed before getting ready for the day. i used my panasonic at his suggestion. i got distracted watching him and turned it off after he came. while he wandered around playing beat the clock i tried again, and through that buzzing numbness that sometimes occurs I came. short, quick, mild. slightly a letdown, but still okay. a side effect of early morning (not my best time) being distracted (by watching od instead) and no physical connection (feeling on display) rate 4. BONUS, late evening: after tumbling for awhile I found a video that got me hot and bothered for some pussy licking so I molested Od when we went to bed. He did a superb job in my favorite position (him on his knees at the end of the bed and my ass on the edge with my legs draped over his arms/feet resting on his shoulders) then fingered me until I had a gspot orgasm and we had some seriously hot sex afterwards. It was physical, aggressive, and I squirted for the first time while having sex. Fucking awesome. rate 6

may 15, : used the panasonic after my shower along with the purple gspot vibrator I have. left a huge wet spot. again. rate 6

may 16, : one of those days where it was fine, la la la until a certain point. then unexpectantly it went to utter massive shit. I actually hid downstairs on my laptop for a few hours until the kids went to bed, then I still needed to zone out so I watched amovie until after midnight. went to bed exhausted. didn't even cross my mind.

may 17, : used lelo while I watched some porn on my phone in the bedroon. it was a stress reliever mostly and a to-do item on my list. didn't want to miss another day. but it was pleasureable and easy to achieve. i like those days. rate 6

may 18, ???

may 19 , Od licked my pussy and used purple gspot toy, then I used bullet on my clit as he continued with toy. i came easily. rate 5. Then had sex although he didn't cum as he'd already cum on my ass from grinding earlier.

may 20 early evening : He used the penis sleeve to fuck me as i controlled bullet. a gspot stimulated orgasm combined with clitoral. rate 6 would be 7 but my pussy squeezed the toy out on the downthrust and got refused re-entry and slipped on my vulva and clit painfully. then i climbed on top and rode him briefly until he came.

may 21 after late night argument the previous night i dont want to do anything. no sex no masturbation no nursing. im just so tired.

may 22, : nope

may 23, afternoon: two orgasms in a row using lelo while watching porn. rates 5 and 6

may 25, bedtime : od used penis sheath on me after going down, and i used bullet. rate 7

may 26, afternoon : after oil bath i used purple gspot vibrator in my ass, bullet on clit, came fast!!! rate 6 evening : sucked od's cock at edge of bed while he fingered me leaning over me, then fucked me doggy style on bed while i used the panasonic rate 7

may 27-30, period. no play. gave Od handjobs, 2 i think.

may 31, noon : lelo watching porn. easy, quick orgasm right on the surface with no warm up and little pressure. gspot verrrrrrry sensitive. actually had to edge for a minute or two so it wasnt over too quickly! rate 5 (day 5 of period)

I did some note taking and after tallying specific results I found that :

  • I masturbated 23 times
  • I had intercourse 5 times (really. that's all. very telling)
  • in all that activity combined I had 19 orgasms
  • only one orgasm was without the help of a toy
  • my average pleasure rating of a sex act was 5.12 out of 10.
  • I squirted 4 times
  • my ass was involved 2 times. (solo self play only. also very telling)
  • 9 times there was either no masturbation or no pleasure involved whatsoever
  • 3 times the sex act left me feeling worse afterwards
  • Od and I were together for 10 out of 28 sexual acts
  • he was solely responsible for my orgasm only one time
  • I used porn 6 times
  • my most used toy is a bullet vibrator (10 uses) followed by a tie between my Lelo soraya (6) and my purple gspot vibrator(6) followed by my trusty old Panasonic personal massager (5) and trailing that is the penis sleeve as a proxy dildo (3) with the Vixen dildo and my own hands coming in last (1)
I've observed that his almost daily masturbation (he says he missed a handful of days) caused a rise in his endurance, which would have been nice if I could have used it to my advantage more than 5 times. I noticed it more during handjobs, sadly. Our ANR took a serious hit because I pulled away from him physically in all senses twice during the month. My production went way down, and even though we resumed daily "snuggles" I'm just now at 50% of what I was producing before. I also realized while making my notations today that even sex feels like masturbation because it requires some toy use for me to get off. Yes, I know that any orgasm is usually a good orgasm. And yes, I know plenty of women use that method regularly to climax during sex. What bothers me is that it didn't use to be the case for me. I loved that I had the ability to have a hands free orgasm through sex. They weren't the most intense of all my orgasms, but they were the most fulfilling because of the intimacy. I miss that. I miss that desperately. I know it sounds negative to say, but honestly it's how I feel at times : I'm not having the sex life I want because my husband doesn't put forth the effort I need.

There. I said it.

I noticed the change when I decided to pull back on my efforts to initiate everything. I let him lead. Only things didn't go very far. It occurred to me that my successful sex life was a product of my own fabrication. He was willing to play along. But I found myself doing all the work. Really? How much work is the right amount before it begins to feel like coersion? Coersion's not sexy. It doesn't make my pussy wet. It doesn't give me the feeling of being wanted. I'd go so far as to say it made me feel as if I was forcing myself on him and he was politely tolerating me.

And we can forget about anything kinky. Aside from a brief stint in his cage back in March...there's been nothing. Hints and empty promises, but not much more. I'm bored sexually. It sounds harsh. I don't mean it to be. Yet, it's the truth. On one level, there's the things I'd do if I had a willing partner to get my hands and toys on. On a lower level, there's the things I get to participate in indirectly, which calm my inner kinky beast temporarily while at the same time causing frustration because I can't be there. Then under that, there's the tangible day to day sexual relationship that I'm in. It's lacking. I find myself more frustrated than satisfied. I'm becoming a spouse who settles for less. And that's a sad thing. We had so much promise. We tried things out, dipped our toes in a lot of kinky waters, but ultimately he chooses to only think about kinky things and I actually prefer to do them. Need to do them. I feel like Benny in Circle of Friends when she gives her speech about being marched to the top of the mountain to see the whole wide world only to be told "That's what you can't have, you stupid article!!!" And then she gets marched back down to continue on with her previous existence.

Will this change? Right now I'm doubting it. Can I be happy with a man who loves me and shows it romantically, just not enough sexually? Yes I can. But I'll be paying a price. Let's hope I don't go broke.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

TMI Tuesday The most times

This week’s TMI Tuesday theme is…

We want to know what thing you’ve done the most times.

1. What sex position have you been in the most times? It's probably a safe bet to say missionary. I'm not thinking of recent times (the past 2 1/2 years) but of all the sex I had before. It's a good position which I think gets a lot of crap for being boring. Any position will get boring if used repeatedly without a change up. I can get off in missionary position (if the situation allows, by which I mean, uh, if he lasts long enough) without any additional help so it's a great go-to. The tricky part is, it's the position that he can get off in very easily too.

2. What book have you read …? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I've read it probably 15 times. I have horrible literary recall so each time a new HP book came out I started at the beginning to refresh my memory of all the little details that makes the story amazing. I did the same thing with the movies - had to read the books first for comparison.  Between me and my son those poor book are rather broken. Now for all that reading, which details do I recall? The ones in the movie, of course. :/

3. What movie have you watched …? It would make sense that it's any of the Harry Potter movies. I tend to skip the Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets when there's a marathon playing. I'll dig into the couch for the long haul when Prizoner of Azkaban starts. So it's either PoA or The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, because for the longest time in the late 90's either TNT or TBS played the hell out of that movie and I seriously could not not watch it.

4. In the last week, who have you texted … ? (no names, list the relationship or type of person) Od, my husband. I get good morning texts, how's your day going texts, do I need to pick up anything on the way home texts, snuggle texts, and even more double checking about the kids or something they asked him (because he's the easy mark in our parenting team and everybody knows it.) I used to sigh over the commercials for phone companies who showed families communicating via text and email instead of going up the stairs to announce dinner was ready, but you know what? It's just so much easier than shouting over and over. I'm even guilty of texting to ask "where are you" instead of looking around the property.

5. In the last week, what food have you eaten …? Chicken salad croissants and veggies and dip and fruit salad. We had a lot of leftovers from a graduation party.

6. Today, which website have you visited …? I've only checked my email and visited the TMI blog and blogger, each only once so it's a 3 way tie for today. On a regular day? Psh. That's a no brainer - tumblr.

7. When dining out, where have you eaten …? We gravitate to Panera a lot. I love their hazelnut coffee and french onion soup.

8. Which sex toy have you used …? Well, I've had a Panasonic personal massager for 19+ years. I would say she still purrs to life every time she's turned on, but she's never purred. She's kind of growly. (makes a lot of noise)  I have to be selective when I use her now the kids are older and nosy and hear every single thing except when I'm talking directly to them. Overall, I've probably used her the most because I've had her the longest. Why is she a she? I don't know...we're old friends. For the last 7-8 years I've had a bullet vibrator. Cheap, quiet enough, variable speeds and gets the job done. I would not want to be caught without one. The thing is they break easily so I have to replace them at least once a year. But in that year they get a serious workout.

Bonus: Is there something you’d love to go back and relive in your sexual past? October 1991-August 1993 please. All. Of. It. (with the stipulation that I'd want my today brain in my yesterday's body)

(Thank you to Husband of Two Sexual Minds for this week’s bonus question)
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

TMI Tuesday Think Kink (don't I always?)

Think kink!

1. What’s the kinkiest thing about you, either mentally or physically? Nothing kinky about me physically. Well, okay - maybe. Depends on what you consider kinky. I'm lactating because of my husband sucking on my breasts on a regular basis. There's that. Mentally, what's the kinkiest thing? Oh, my dearies...you may not want to know. But if you're curious, take a look inside my head.

2. Do you have any fetishes? If so, what are they? I use the term fetish loosely, but technically it's considered something (an act or and object) one absolutely NEEDS to get off. I don't have any fetishes.

3. Have you ever been spanked? Did you enjoy it? Tell us more… I've been slapped on the ass, quite hard, too - but that's it. My husband tried once to get into it starting with the flogger but his heart wasn't in it and the experience was a flop - which is too bad. I have an ass made for spanking. Pretty damn sure I'd love it. The impact, the heat, all that extra blood flow exciting the lower extremities...I've asked for it, yet never received it. I don't believe Od is capable which infuriates me sometimes because it's very non GGG of him. The more I think about it the more it kinda pisses me off to tell you the truth. He can't muster the discipline to learn how to do it right with proper warm up, proper technique etc...He's obviously not the man for the job. Maybe someone else is.

4. Have you been tied up, or tied someone else up? Did you use rope or restraints? I've been tied up with rope when I was 18. Hated it. The loss of control drove me crazy. I was more frustrated than anything. I prefer my freedom of movement. More recently I've been restrained with cuffs and straps. It's a gift I give him. He likes the creativity that comes with bondage and I allow him that. It's more of a bottoming from the top situation though because ultimately he wants to please me. He's not toppy at all. When I'm bound, I prefer the restraints. I know he'd love to experiment with ropework but I lack the patience.

5. Would you classify yourself as more dominant, submissive, a switch or entirely vanilla? I'm dominant 80-90% of the time. I have moods every once in awhile when for the right sort of man I could be submissive. He's have to be very inspiring and very skilled.

6. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done? A year ago I would have said anal sex or bondage. 6 months ago I might have said pegging my husband with a strap on. Now...it's a toss up between the one thing that makes me blush to even think about and the things that I've had someone else do for me. What's that? Ohhhhh....you want me to actually say what they are? Okay. Blushworthy : once in a twist of seredipitous events I was inspired and agreed to privately enact a scene written specifically for me which involved fucking my ass with a dildo, fingering my pussy and calling someone Daddy. It was completely surprising to me how hot it was. I still don't understand it, but I was shaky for over an hour afterwards - it was that good. At my request someone has : used his own cum to lube his ass and insert a butt plug, marked his cock with my name calling himself my bitch, regularly tastes his own ejaculate and dips a finger in it to mark a specified part of his body with my initial, and has purchased a cock on my behalf to practice his cocksucking skills and will ultimately be fucked by said cock.

7. Have you been to a BDSM club? What was it like? If not, would you ever go to one? I've not been to one, wouldn't even know where to go locally, and probably would not go to one. I prefer intimacy over exhibition.

8. What’s your favourite fetish item or implement? Male chastity devices - steel specifically - are awesomely hot to me. For an implement...me and my flogger are like this. *crosses fingers*

9. Favourite kinky clothing material? I'm not into fetish clothing very much. I detest latex. Leather is okay. I can appreciate a certain look if it's not over the top or if it doesn't look unmanageable. Honestly, for comfort and flexibility I'd rather Domme in yoga pants and a tank top with bare feet. Or panties.

10. Thigh boots – love ‘em or hate ‘em? On girls with legs up to their armpits? Love 'em. More power to ya sweetheart. On me? Hate 'em.

11. If you’re kinky, who knows about it? Do you tell people or is it a closely guarded secret? My husband knows it (obvs) my cousin knows it, my brother-in-law knows it (much to my dismay), and I'm sure to a mild extent my children suspect something's a little "special" about mom and dad's relationship. Oh...and all of the interwebz knows it. ;)

12. What are your personal limits? Scat, animals, underage participants, blood, knives, needles, breath play, fire play, and degradation/humiliation. I'll probably think of others later.

13. What’s your safeword and why did you choose that one? I don't have a safeword, but I will respectfully honor yours. ;)

14. Which fetishes do you just really not get? I can understand the appeal of some far out kinks like adult baby play and furries. Not for me...but I get it. What I don't get? Scat play. Nu uh. Nooooooo way. I can safely say never ever about that one. I just thought of another one. The others were kinks, this is a real fetish : people who prefer to have sex with objects like furniture and automobiles. I can't wrap my brain around how that can even feel good, and might possibly be damaging to one's organs. I don't get that at all.

Bonus: Complete this sentence: To me, Fetish, Kink and BDSM means…having the courage to live a life less ordinary.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

No longer an idle threat

I've been a long-time fan of tumblr, and posted links to my favorites here on this blog. (which reminds me I need to update some links...) I even casually mentioned starting my own. Well. It appears I had the right combination of boredom, inspiration, and time on my hands because I've done exactly that.

If you think you might like what I like or simply want a look-see, come on over.

I'm open to asks, and I welcome submissions. ;)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

TMI : Masturbation Month

M is for masturbation

1. How often do you masturbate? It's very irregular because it's whenever I feel like it, or the situation presents itself. I can go a week or more and be okay, then the urge will hit me suddenly out of nowhere, I get that little clit twitch, the pull in the lower belly and I need to get off RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately, due to his schedule my eldest is home every week day by 11:30ish. I have a 3 hour empty house window and I'm usually not mentally geared for self love until late afternoon when I've taken care of work and have time to relax, let my mind wander, etc... Of course I could play while he's home (and I have) but I must be really, really quiet. Therein lies the problem. Some of my toys aren't quiet and it's hard for me to be, too.

Also, my masturbation is nowhere near the levels it was a year ago. My sexuality was ramping up and I could not get enough. My libido hasn't settle, but my self control has. I learned that shared orgasms were more rewarding and ultimately what I really needed, so I saved them for my time with Od. Now those I could go for every day - but it hasn't been the case, is not the case, and doesn't look to be the case anytime soon. Pity.

Final answer : At least once a week. (May is a special occasion for me and some days I'm really pushing myself to get it done. Not the right frame of mind, I know.)

2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation month? Well, I'm masturbating daily. That doesn't mean I'm getting off daily, but I'm still participating. I've had some technical difficulty. I also set the challenge to Od to masturbate daily. I know he was playing along for the first 4 days. I'm not sure about now. My challemge turned into a catalyst of serious proportions, but that's another post.

3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. Not really, it’s boring.
d. No, it’s a turn off.
e. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
Masturbation is not something that has occurred for Od in a long time, but in the rare occasion that his hand was on his cock for anything, like switching out a ring, putting on a cage, or some other toy, I like to watch. So a.), it turns me on, but in person I have trouble not getting involved, and assisting in some way. My hands naturally gravitiate to the crotch, if only for a squeeze, pat, or quick tease. Regarding any other man whether by video gift, online porn, etc....yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I loooooooove to watch. I'm a voyeur at heart. I like to watch all kinds of things.

4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on to be watched.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. No, it’s embarrassing.
d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
I tend to feel very self-conscious if the watching is done in a hands-off way - sort of like a car up on a rack, getting serviced. Not sexy at all. I don't mind using toys, I don't mind him watching...but I need physical connection (kisses on the legs, a warm set of lips on my nipples, attention to my neck and hopefully some whispered words of encouragement. Those things make all the difference to me. If not present, then the situation falls flat - I psych myself out too much.

5. Mutual masturbation? Yea or Nay? Yea. Most definitely, enthusiastically yea. Not the side-by-side-you-do-your-thing-I'll-do-mine way, though. Too disconnected. I prefer the taking-turns-and-assisting-each-other way. Maybe that's not masturbation, maybe that's sex? I don't know. If  things happen over the phone, then I can do that because of the words and the sounds in my ear. Texting or typing is difficult because I need the use of both hands, and camming is pretty much out because I need to not feel "inspected". *sigh* I'm a complicated and hard to please creature.

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbate-a-thon 2012 would you go and masturbate? Why or Why not? I would go, if I could simply masturbate and not stress about getting off. I'd be too busy watching everyone else. I'm assuming it's a group thing? If not, and it's more like a "go go go, it's your turn on stage" kind of thing...um, no thank you. But feel free to send me a link to any videos. (I just read the fine print and it says group environment...so sure. I'd do it with my heart in my throat, but I'd do it. With a buddy, of course.)

The Center for Sex & Culture
Sunday, May 27, 10am-midnight
Arrive by 9pm
$40 minimum self-sponsorship; or bring sponsorship form with pledges
All genders, all orientations welcome to explore self-pleasure in a supportive group environment. Check the next newsletter for more detail about this year’s Thon, and join us to Come for a Cause!
All donations and pledges support CSC’s operations and programs.
Bonus: Are you addicted to masturbating? ETA : I'm not sure why my answer got deleted the first go 'round, but here's a second try : I'm not addicted to masturbation now, but in 2010 for awhile I would have answered yes. I could not get enough. As in, I would get deliciously tenderized from the lengths and amounts of self love I was administering. Then that physical reminder would set me off and I'd need to do it again. Now I would say I'm more drawn to the effects of masturbation. My body needs an orgasm every 3 days or so. I start to get hateful and generally disgruntled...so I prescribe myself therapeutic orgasms. I would have them through partnered activities, ideally, but masturbation works otherwise. Recently, it has become the norm. Even more recently I could use one every night to fall asleep, but it's tricky to pull off when someone is snoring next to you. Not impossible - but tricky.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!