Extra Stuff

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Not really a lunch date (Part 1)

Two and  a half weeks after the fact and a lot of thought processing later, I'm still not sure how to tell this story - so let's just jump in, okay?

Od and I are still playing with chastity. Dipping our toes. He seems happy to play along and abide by the rules. Rules are :
  • no masturbation for Od
  • Freya teases or pleases him as she wishes
  • Od pleases Freya as she wishes
Seems pretty simple. I was drawn to the idea of male chastity because it would tie his sexuality in with mine, and cause a more intimate bond. Truth be told, things aren't much different now than they were before except we're both admitting that it's on purpose. He masturbated before, but based on his description not as much as most men. And since he typically waited for me to initiate sex, that hasn't changed much either. What's been fun to see happen is that since his orgasm is off the table unless I indicate otherwise, he's become much more interested in mine. It didn't seem right at first, to be the only person getting off.

I enjoy the male orgasm very much. The lust that drives it, the intensity with which it occurs, muscles tensing, hips flexing in telltale ways, the sounds - everything that comes with it. It's much more showy than a typical female orgasm.  It never occurred to me that he felt the same way about mine. He loves the sounds I make so much that he's admitted it gets him aroused enough almost to the point of cumming when he's going down or using his fingers. And during sex they instantly set him off, when and if I'm lucky to finish first - or at all. Which is the sticky situation we've come to. (pardon the puns)

It's becoming almost impossible for him not to cum. We have a lot of toys that can be used when we play, or when I play alone. I'm really good at figuring out what my body is craving when I decide to play, or when he expresses a wish to make me cum and I agree. But toys don't always fit the bill. I can only go for so long without wanting - needing - to be fucked. Ideally this could happen without his orgasm - but it never does. I've resigned myself to this fact. It's not uncommon in the practice of chastity. But most of those other female partners seem to prefer oral sex over penetration. Not me. *sigh...........* (for the record, that's not a wistful sigh - it's one of frustration)

We've tried many remedies except numbing cream - going slower, condoms, penis sleeves, even using a strap-on. (logistics were amusing with that device, but he still got enough friction from the sheets to cum all over the bed and my ass) There's just no way he's not gonna cum. And it's frustrating because either way, I'm not getting what I want. We could give up chastity and just have sex whenever I feel like it knowing that he'll cum and by doing so give up the benefits of a closer, more intense and intimate relationship. Or, we could continue on with chastity and just not have sex. I can still get off when I feel like it with or without him - it just won't ever be in the way that I prefer. This makes me disappointed, frustrated, and sad. There was a glimmer of having everything the way I wanted, only to find out that it's not up to me to fix this. It's up to him. And he won't. Can't. Whatever. He says it's because he's out of shape. Which he is. And I'm not even going to lie and say that he was super enduring to start with, but it was long enough, ya know? Now it's not. Ever.

And that Tuesday evening was when I ran out of patience and faith that chastity was possible for us. We were using a penis sleeve and had moved to switch positions, and I asked if he wanted to try out the Liberator wedge. He gave me an unsure look and said "Do you want to?" as if it was too much trouble.
"Why not?" I asked, knowing it was right inside the closet and could be in place in 5 seconds.
"I didn't think you would want to."
"Why wouldn't I want to?" My libido was nosediving at this point. Wasting time, wasting time..........
"Oh. Because I came already."
Well, fuck.
"Um, I guess I don't want to now. You've kind of killed it for me." And just like that - Game Over.

He could've kept going. The particular sleeve we have is firm enough. He could've faked it. When I know he's done I have a hard time keeping interest enough to finish because the sense of panic sets in. 'Oh God, do I have enough time?' I'd rather not cum under duress. Actually I typically can't.

So I get up and leave to use the bathroom and collect myself for a few minutes. I want to be sensitive when we talk about this, but he also needs to understand the continued level of frustration I'm experiencing.
So we talk. I tell him that he killed my lady boner - so to speak - and he understood that. I asked him if he knew the difference between tease and denial and being left high and dry. Yeah, he got that. Tease and denial is intentional. It's expected. You know what's going to not happen. Leaving someone hanging is just disappointing. Frustrating. Depressing, almost. I mentioned to him that he had no idea what that felt like. And it's true, he doesn't know. A lot of women do. I wouldn't guess that a single one appreciates it either.

I'm aware that there are times when things just don't work out. It happens. No big deal. But this was becoming the norm, not the exception.

We got dressed and went on with our evening. I was in the kitchen getting a drink, casting glances at him. The kind that say 'I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to say a word'. I wasn't being passive-aggressive. Just guarding my words carefully. If they start to spill, there's no stopping them and I didn't want to say too much and hurt his feelings. I want to better the situation, not worsen it. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the utensil crock and offered it to me with a slight grin and said "Would using this on me make you feel any better?"

He was being cheeky, but it worked. I couldn't help but smile. "Yes it would, but I'm not in the mood for it now" I told him followed by a big sigh.

We sat on the couch like bookends, I was working on the laptop and he was watching t.v. while surfing the internet on the netbook. I kept glancing over at him thinking I was never going to get fucked properly. It started messing with my head and I must have been sighing the whole time. After awhile he shut the netbook and pitifully said "Why don't you just beat me and get it over with?" I shook my head at him.
"Can't. Kids will hear you." I was only half-teasing.

He eventually got up to go to bed and kissed me, offering his flesh one last time.
"Are you sure...........?" he let the question dangle enticingly.
I seriously considered my options for a moment.
"You know what? Come home for lunch tomorrow."

Did he understand what he was agreeing to?
 He'd find out soon enough.

(to be continued)