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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

TMI Tuesday 10/4/11

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

This week’s TMI Tuesday idea is from Heelsnstocking
1. What’s the worst reason you have been given for breaking up?It was 6th grade and just after the New Year. My boyfriend had given me a very pretty necklace and earring set for Christmas, we had attended a friend's party and kissed - with tongue - for the first time. I didn't see him for the rest of the Christmas break. Here I was all in love and excited to see him again when we returned to school. And he proceeded to break up with me. Why? His mother told him he had to. Somehow she found out we kissed and didn't approve of him being with "that kind of girl".  His mother made him break up with me. And he did it. Of course my pubescent brain blamed her (for being a cow) instead of him (for being a momma's boy), so 2 years later when he was much taller, more masculine and apparently still carrying a torch for me - we went out again. We dated for a few months, attended more parties (which were nothing more than make out sessions) and I did more than tongue kiss him. I let him touch my boobs. God bless front-hook bras. :)

2. What’s the worst reason you gave, to someone, for breaking up?I've had a lot of break ups. I never lasted more than 6 months with a guy. I got bored with them or got distracted by a new guy. I'm not so full of myself than I can't admit my attitude was wrong back then. I played a lot of head games just because I could. I was young, impetuous, and having female power over a guy was a heady thing. I abused it. I was sometimes careless. I have a few regrets, but I was always pretty direct about breaking up. I never used the "it's me, not you" line, or made up lies to make him feel better. Maybe I should have. The worst reason I gave was telling my on-off boyfriend that I essentially hooked up with someone new at a party and was going to be dating him instead. I was brutally honest. Boyfriend was upset with my actions, but also with my choice in a new guy. He was an academic prick, and I ultimately grew weary of him and his preachy ways. It was about the 273rd time that he pointed out "You aren't applying yourself" that did me in. I went running back to my boyfriend. Boyfriend knew I would - we were both relieved. It was a game we knew well. I needed let off the leash once in awhile, but I always returned.

3. Have you ever engineered the end of a relationship e.g doing something you know will put the other person off? If yes, what did you do?I picked a fight with said boyfriend. Tension was building and it was getting close to that time when I needed off the leash. He was playing Nintendo and I was bored, sitting next to him and trying to divert his attention to me. I kept touching his glasses. He HATED that. He told me to stop touching his glasses. I told him to stop playing Nintendo. It was a battle of wills and I wanted to win. He blew up at me, I got pissed and walked out. He followed me out to my car and we proceeded to break up in the street. It was either the last time or next to last time that we broke up because in a few months' time I was going to Prom with his best friend. *cringe*

4. Have you ever stayed with a partner just because you could not bear to end it?I was about to type 'Never', but that's not entirely true. With boyfriends I never beat around the bush. I'm sick of you? Then you're gone. But marriage is different. I think the reason I stayed with Od during the really bad times is because I couldn't bear to be the one that was responsible for breaking up our family. I couldn't do that to the kids, but at the same time I was no good at faking happiness and my level of unhappiness was killing me. I thought long and hard before I made the decision to better myself and see what my "other choices" were.

5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to end a relationship? What happened? Are you still friends?In Junior High and High School I'm sure I gave that advice if a friend was constantly complaining about her boyfriend. Most likely because I was tired of listening to the evidence of why they were clearly wrong for each other. I have a low tolerance for teenage girl drama. Always have - even when I was a teenage girl. However, I never urged a friend to dump someone for ulterior motives. Even though one time she was dating a guy I really liked. I saw that they were a short-lived romance and chose to bide my time. It worked out well for me. ;)  We're not still friends, but that's due to coming of age and moving on in life more than anything else.

As an adult I'm very careful about advising others on their relationships. I offer my experience or knowledge with some common sense thrown in - but it's ultimately their decision. With that being said, I've never been faced with a friend who was in an abusive relationship. That would be the only scenario where I would be pushy with my opinion. Abuse is a deal breaker. DTMFA!
Bonus: Have you ever been the cause of a relationship to end? Tell us about it. I suppose I might have been if any of my friends listened to my advice. I doubt they did. If memory serves me, the teenage girls in question preferred the drama of a crappy boyfriend over no drama at all. And as far as I know I've never directly been the reason for a break up such as being "the other woman". Don't get me wrong - there was once that possibility.......but she never found out. I really have a sordid past about break ups. I'm ashamed of most of my answers, to tell you the truth! LOL
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!


7 comments:

Jack and Jill said...

"That kind of girl"? You don't state nor imply that you pinned the kid down and tongue-kissed him against his will. They are both at fault, true, but what kind of sheepish sixth-grader breaks up with a girl because his mom orders him to? If anything, it would have made me want it more. Your answer to #5 is spot-on. You can't force someone to leave an emotionally-manipulative or selfish significant other, but in the case of genuine abuse you sure can. "DTMFA" indeed! No need for shame! You are who you are. We all have pasts, and most of us have done things in our youth that we might regret today. But those things make us the people we are today.

-Jack

H said...

You know what you want, your upfront about it, I like this about you.

The Savage said...

I know I'd date you...

virtualsin said...

You never let ME touch you boobs. But I guess since we didn't go to school together, it's OK.

Freya said...

Jack - I know, right? Who does what their mother tells them to when it comes to dating? Thankfully he came to his senses. I have to remind myself sometimes where my pitfalls in dating brought me : knowing what I didn't want so I'd recognize what I did want when I saw it.

H - upfront and direct, yes. Why is this seen as a problem to some people? I prefer it myself.

Savage - I wonder what a wild ride that might be? :) hmmmm.............

VirtualSin - No I didn't. But then again, you never bought me a pretty necklace set. ;)

Harry Haversackers said...

You like front closure bras! Guys love 'em. Best thing ever invented. If a girl I was out with wore one, I could forgive her for wearing panty hose. Otherwise...

Freya said...

Harry - just what are you trying to say? Should you be renamed Handsy Harry? :)