Not once in my earthly life have I ever considered myself a hippie. Hippy - yes. Hippie - no.
Even my parents, who were part of the right generation, were never hippies. My dad had a ponytail for a brief period and my mom loved her macrame. That's as close as it got.
However, without any real effort on my part, I seem to be moving more and more towards a more natural way of being. Perhaps I'm just getting older and becoming more aware of how I need to respect and take care of my body and environment. Or perhaps Mother Nature has been speaking to me all along and I've only now begun listening.
All around me there's little changes. Organic foods are taking up a larger spot in my grocery cart than ever before, and that's when I bother to grocery shop. I've had a field day at local produce stands and farmer's markets this past spring and summer. I'm opting to make and use natural cleansers to avoid harsh chemicals. I'm bartering my goods and handiwork for that of others : haircuts, handmade soap, and lip balm. Not only do I reduce, reuse, and recycle, but I compost, too.
You're more likely to find me sans bra than sporting one. The first thing I want to do when I get home is strip down to as little as possible and pad around the house barefoot. I have a new appreciation for the body as it was created, and honestly one of my biggest regrets is that as a young mother I stupidly conformed to modern medical beliefs and had my son circumcised. It's no secret that I happen to love a man in his natural, hairy state. If you're naturally smooth, that's cool too. Whatever is good for you is good for me.
Personally, I prefer to be smooth. It's not a chore for me to remain smooth. I have genetics to thank for that. But 3 weeks ago I didn't shave. I don't know why. I just didn't. Not even on sheet changing day. And there's almost nothing better than smooth clean legs sliding into fresh, soft sheets.
I took out my shaving supplies, set them on the edge of the tub, and during my washing, conditioning, scrubbing, and exfoliating I couldn't bring myself to pick up the razor. Why? I thought. I'll just be miserable in two days scratching like crazy at the itchy new growth. I'll leave marks, then the body lotion will sting, because I always have to use lotion. And if I'm not going to shave my legs, why would I shave my underarms? And since I was already a couple weeks behind on shaving my pussy, well...a matched set made more sense to me. I'll be saving time, the environment, and some sanity all in one.
So, how's it going? Well, I decided to show off my fluff and fuzz to Od, so he would know this was an intentional move. He leaned in closely to peer at my pits, rubbed them to verify there was anything there, then said "I'm proud of you for trying." Then the fucker laughed at me! You see, he's pretty much got the market cornered in our household as far as body hair goes. Me? Well, *sigh...*, I resemble a 13 year old blond boy trying to grow a beard.
I was expecting him to complain about my leg hair the most, but it's grown in so soft and sparse that it's been a non-issue. Not that he would complain. He's not like that. Actually, he wouldn't say so if I asked directly, in case I change my mind, but I think he prefers me with a bush. He's been petting me more than usual. That may or may not be due to a month long dry spell we just got over. The point is, he seems to like it, and I do too.
It'll be easy for me to keep this up for awhile because fall is right around the corner with it's cool weather requiring leg coverings and long sleeves. For now I'm keeping as much as possible au naturale.
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
If you're bored...
...and need some summer reading, I participated in an interview. You can read it here.
If you really like it and want more, here's the rest of the women's interviews.
I enjoyed (and stressed over) completing the interview with DD because her questions made me think long and hard about who it is I've become since discovering my kinky self. I almost said kinky side, but I'm convinced kink has taken over. Satisfied or not.
I wrote my answers back in February so you'll notice more enthusiasm than you might find today, but it's a journey through my thoughts about my sex life as it was then.
Let me know what you think, or in the least let DD know you stopped by!
If you really like it and want more, here's the rest of the women's interviews.
I enjoyed (and stressed over) completing the interview with DD because her questions made me think long and hard about who it is I've become since discovering my kinky self. I almost said kinky side, but I'm convinced kink has taken over. Satisfied or not.
I wrote my answers back in February so you'll notice more enthusiasm than you might find today, but it's a journey through my thoughts about my sex life as it was then.
Let me know what you think, or in the least let DD know you stopped by!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The very merry month of May. Or was it?
I meant to share my progress at least once during Masturbation Month, but didn't. Then I meant to do a recap at the end of the month, but didn't. So here we are almost a month later and I've just now mapped out the plan to share my results. I know why it took so long. I'm avoiding the Big Ugly Thing that happened. I do that sometimes. Right now I'm in a mindframe to be all inclusive with my info. In lieu of the scheduled TMI, I'm posting this instead. I think you'll find it appropriate. This is way TMI.
I started a daily journal throughout the month for myself and for Od. A few days into May there was a marital catastrophe. For the previous 6 months (maybe longer?) I'd been getting glimpses and notions that our "better" was slipping backwards. I can see it in my previous writings occasionally. It was frighteningly familiar, although inconsistent. I was reading the signs carefully for a long time, not knowing if I was seeing an emerging awful pattern, or just intermittent bad days. It was easy to take a good day and think 'I guess things aren't getting worse.' But those days kept spacing themselves further and further apart. So, emerging awful pattern it was. We were due for a meltdown. (and by "we" of course I mean me. He can ignore something unpleasant for an eternity.) It took Masturbation Month and the intentional focus on our sexuality to bring it to a head. Which it did, relatively quickly.
The month could have been ruined only 4 days in, but I persevered. I think it was knowing I'd be posting the results that kept me from giving in. My emotions, my confidence, my energy, and my happiness all took some serious hits in May. So...for better or worse...I'm offering my daily journal as is, unedited, typos and all :
Freya's merry, merry month of May :
May 1, shortly after midnight : Can't sleep. Purple gspot vibe. Lubed up, massaged gspot gently, builing pleasure until fully aroused, squirted after a euphoric welling of sensations ended in a small burst of happy pussy tears. Not an orgasm, but satisfying. Took the edge off. Relaxed enough to fallasleep. Rating from 1-10: 4.
May 1, 11:30 a.m. : Purple gspot vibe again, added in bullet vibe on clit this time. More vigorous thrusting because I'm alone this time (no risk of waking Od). Build up intesnse from inside. A warm, calm, confident pleasure. No chasing required. Tipped over into orgasm easily. Slight gushing, not as much as last time. Back of my thighs feel rubbery, I'm cum drunk sleepy, and also famished. 30 minutes later I still feel glowing, humming, whatever low resonance adjective works here. rate 7
May 1, 7:45 p.m. : went for my hat trick after all. very clit aware all afternoon and evening, like it was a living thing of it's own, very demanding. I'm blaming the rain and stormy weather for the extra energy. anyway, used bullet on clit while watching gay porn. orgasm was a finicky little bitch and made me chase her down. took longer than other two in the day. rate 6
May 2, 11:30 a.m. : used lelo soraya. took a long time and switched up thrusting method a lot. finally came, but was working up a sweat. wth? sort of frustrated afterwards from the effort it took to cum. headache intensified, not receded. rating 6
may 3, 9 p.m. : joined od while he masturbated with my bullet.. played with gspot vibe while he played, waiting my turn. slightly distracted by his presence. i needed my bullet, so i waited, amped up the verbal volume to speed him along intentionally to push him over the edge. i was overstimulated internally by that time. light was on, i felt too exposed, too disconnected, even when he took over the gspot vibe. no foreplay, no kissing due to cold, it felt forced, i got close a lot of times, but extended vibrations numbed me out and it was too intense when he pushed firmly. i gave up, became emotional, things bubbled out and i found words for feelings that had been present for a few months. terrible timing. not pleasant. depressed afterwards. things are apparently not okay. no orgasm, but technically I masturbated. whatever. might be my sex life for awhile. fml. im nothing if not stubborn, though. im still gonna do this thing. fuck it. rate negative.
may 4, 8:30 a.m. : after shower before I needed to make the bed. used hands over chest, stomach, vulva, then panasonic vibe. couldn't keep mind from wandering to stressful thoughts over and over again. barely got a twitch or tingle of interest. more like a massage than masturbation but i'm counting it. no orgasm, no real desire for one. too depressed, upset, sad, whatever. sexuality and happiness go hand in hand. now i'm evenmore sure of it. better luck tomorrow, but i don't count on it. rating 1
may 5, 11 p.m.ish : exhausted from long day. Mentally, physically. Laying in bed trying to tune the thoughts and feelings of the day out, remembered I haven't had any alone time. I take a few minutes to play, explore with my hands. I confirm my pussy is still there, but not much else. Sad thing is, i could really use an orgasm to fall asleep, but my mind and body won't cooperate. I'm still counting it though. i made an effort. rating 0
may 6, after midnight (so technically the 7th) but within my waking hours, so it's still good in my book. Again, couldn't sleep, tumblred for a bit, tried to listen to music, then podcasts, then decided to give masturbation a try after having called the day a wash. I used my lelo and knew instantly that my body would cooperate. my pussy responded enthusiastically and after a few stop/starts because I tried really hard not to wake Od I finally came. It was with pleasure, it was with relief, and it was with enough release for me to use the oxytocin to fall asleep. I quickly cleaned up and made good use of the afterglow. Finally. rate 6 (if not for the pleasure level, than for the relief)
may 7, 10:30 am : I knew that I should make good use of my alone time because I was feeling the need for some ass play. I tried out the blue dildo previously used for Od, and i really liked the way it felt in my own ass. Laying on my side i reached behind me to work the dildo and after I found a rhythm, applied the bullet in between my clenched legs to hold the vibe in place. The angle was tiring after awhile and i tried something else that was new. I sat up on the bed and rocked with the dildo inside of me and used my hands to barely touch my clit. That was practically unnecessary. It took some time, but I had what can only be described as an anal orgasm. I don't know. It was gentle, mild, but extremely pleasurable, but not in the throbbing-clit-pussy-clenching kind of way. Weird, but I loved it. rate 7 for novelty.
may 8, 10:00 : again leaving it until down around the wire I seized the opportunity for solo pleasure. I was media multi-tasking...watching t.v. with my ears, reading on my epad and checking email, tumblr, and blog updates intermittently on my iPhone. Od went to take a shower so I used the guaranteed alone time. He has tragically poor timing in general : asking to help with grocery bags as I walk in with the last of many... calling me on the phone during the last 5 minutes of a movie I'm watching or during an exciting part of a book I'm reading...and of course walking down the hall or coming into the bedroom at a crucial moment while I'm masturbating. We joke about it, but yeah...now was not the time for disturbances. I had a good 15-20 minute window so I pulled out my bullet, and loaded some porn on my phone. I relaxed and worked the vibe back and forth in painting like motions over my clit while the soundtrack of a very verbal man receiving an apparently satisfying blowjob played in my ears. I just needed the sounds of pleasure. My orgasm was not a sure thing at first, but in the second and third play of the short clip I got worked up enough and eventually came at the same time as the man in the video. rate 6
may 9, late, after midnight but within waking hours, again, I'm counting it : we went out to dinner and a movie, on the way home he asked me a question that lead off our first direct talk about our problems since "the blowout". we continued talking for over an hour in the garage, resolved some hurt feelings enough to kiss and make up. it was a major relief. he offered that he'd kept his promise of reaching his goal save one day. I offered a tidbit about my activities and when we went to bed i broached the subject of helping each other out so we did. it was a comfortable reunion. lots of passionate kisses. i was only slightly nervous about including my breasts and any negative thoughts that might occur, but it wasn't a problem. we focused on my pussy, which was a nice change to be honest. using the penis sleeve like a dildo he fucked me and I used my vibe on my clit. i chased that feeling all over the place and had what felt like a gspot orgams, (thought i gushed, but no) and the prolonged vibrations were beginning to tingle/burn and the intensity became overwhelming. it took a few thrusting tempo changes to get in "the zone" where i felt the orgasm building and i think the tenseness of the last few days had me on edge and holding in but he said all the right things encouraging me to let go...so i did. it was cathartic. pleasurable, intense, but more like a healing. right after i asked him to pull the toy out and with a growl i rolled him over, mounted him and rode him. he stopped me long enough to yank my tank top off and with spirit in his mouth he gripped my hips and set the pace to a quick and easy orgasm. sleep soon followed along with the best 5 hours of sleep i've had in a week. thank fucking god. rate 7
may 10 : i totally dropped the ball. no masturbation. no orgasm. i was happy to crawl in bed next to a sleeping Od and curl up to his back while I scrolled through tumblr on my phone. i welcomed the comfort and the sleep that soon found me. no desire to masturbate.
may 11 : watched a video clip on my phone and used the panasonic vibrator on my pussy over the sheet and came at the same time as the guy in the video. easy, quick. rate 5
may 12, late at night : after we nursed od fingered me prepping with lube then sucked on my nipples while i steared the lelo. rate 6 afterwards we had a surprisingly long sex session. i worried somewhat that he wouldnt be able to finish. side effect of building stamina. he worked up a sweat!
may 13 : i skipped. not even vaguely interested so i didnt force it. lazy rainy day. i spent the last few hours of the day in bed reading and im sure (as i was nude) that my hand wandered between my legs to pet. if that counts. it was with no intent for pleasure, just wandering hands...because i could.
may 14, morning : i joined od while he masturbated after we nursed before getting ready for the day. i used my panasonic at his suggestion. i got distracted watching him and turned it off after he came. while he wandered around playing beat the clock i tried again, and through that buzzing numbness that sometimes occurs I came. short, quick, mild. slightly a letdown, but still okay. a side effect of early morning (not my best time) being distracted (by watching od instead) and no physical connection (feeling on display) rate 4. BONUS, late evening: after tumbling for awhile I found a video that got me hot and bothered for some pussy licking so I molested Od when we went to bed. He did a superb job in my favorite position (him on his knees at the end of the bed and my ass on the edge with my legs draped over his arms/feet resting on his shoulders) then fingered me until I had a gspot orgasm and we had some seriously hot sex afterwards. It was physical, aggressive, and I squirted for the first time while having sex. Fucking awesome. rate 6
may 15, : used the panasonic after my shower along with the purple gspot vibrator I have. left a huge wet spot. again. rate 6
may 16, : one of those days where it was fine, la la la until a certain point. then unexpectantly it went to utter massive shit. I actually hid downstairs on my laptop for a few hours until the kids went to bed, then I still needed to zone out so I watched amovie until after midnight. went to bed exhausted. didn't even cross my mind.
may 17, : used lelo while I watched some porn on my phone in the bedroon. it was a stress reliever mostly and a to-do item on my list. didn't want to miss another day. but it was pleasureable and easy to achieve. i like those days. rate 6
may 18, ???
may 19 , Od licked my pussy and used purple gspot toy, then I used bullet on my clit as he continued with toy. i came easily. rate 5. Then had sex although he didn't cum as he'd already cum on my ass from grinding earlier.
may 20 early evening : He used the penis sleeve to fuck me as i controlled bullet. a gspot stimulated orgasm combined with clitoral. rate 6 would be 7 but my pussy squeezed the toy out on the downthrust and got refused re-entry and slipped on my vulva and clit painfully. then i climbed on top and rode him briefly until he came.
may 21 after late night argument the previous night i dont want to do anything. no sex no masturbation no nursing. im just so tired.
may 22, : nope
may 23, afternoon: two orgasms in a row using lelo while watching porn. rates 5 and 6
may 25, bedtime : od used penis sheath on me after going down, and i used bullet. rate 7
may 26, afternoon : after oil bath i used purple gspot vibrator in my ass, bullet on clit, came fast!!! rate 6 evening : sucked od's cock at edge of bed while he fingered me leaning over me, then fucked me doggy style on bed while i used the panasonic rate 7
may 27-30, period. no play. gave Od handjobs, 2 i think.
may 31, noon : lelo watching porn. easy, quick orgasm right on the surface with no warm up and little pressure. gspot verrrrrrry sensitive. actually had to edge for a minute or two so it wasnt over too quickly! rate 5 (day 5 of period)
I did some note taking and after tallying specific results I found that :
There. I said it.
I noticed the change when I decided to pull back on my efforts to initiate everything. I let him lead. Only things didn't go very far. It occurred to me that my successful sex life was a product of my own fabrication. He was willing to play along. But I found myself doing all the work. Really? How much work is the right amount before it begins to feel like coersion? Coersion's not sexy. It doesn't make my pussy wet. It doesn't give me the feeling of being wanted. I'd go so far as to say it made me feel as if I was forcing myself on him and he was politely tolerating me.
And we can forget about anything kinky. Aside from a brief stint in his cage back in March...there's been nothing. Hints and empty promises, but not much more. I'm bored sexually. It sounds harsh. I don't mean it to be. Yet, it's the truth. On one level, there's the things I'd do if I had a willing partner to get my hands and toys on. On a lower level, there's the things I get to participate in indirectly, which calm my inner kinky beast temporarily while at the same time causing frustration because I can't be there. Then under that, there's the tangible day to day sexual relationship that I'm in. It's lacking. I find myself more frustrated than satisfied. I'm becoming a spouse who settles for less. And that's a sad thing. We had so much promise. We tried things out, dipped our toes in a lot of kinky waters, but ultimately he chooses to only think about kinky things and I actually prefer to do them. Need to do them. I feel like Benny in Circle of Friends when she gives her speech about being marched to the top of the mountain to see the whole wide world only to be told "That's what you can't have, you stupid article!!!" And then she gets marched back down to continue on with her previous existence.
Will this change? Right now I'm doubting it. Can I be happy with a man who loves me and shows it romantically, just not enough sexually? Yes I can. But I'll be paying a price. Let's hope I don't go broke.
I started a daily journal throughout the month for myself and for Od. A few days into May there was a marital catastrophe. For the previous 6 months (maybe longer?) I'd been getting glimpses and notions that our "better" was slipping backwards. I can see it in my previous writings occasionally. It was frighteningly familiar, although inconsistent. I was reading the signs carefully for a long time, not knowing if I was seeing an emerging awful pattern, or just intermittent bad days. It was easy to take a good day and think 'I guess things aren't getting worse.' But those days kept spacing themselves further and further apart. So, emerging awful pattern it was. We were due for a meltdown. (and by "we" of course I mean me. He can ignore something unpleasant for an eternity.) It took Masturbation Month and the intentional focus on our sexuality to bring it to a head. Which it did, relatively quickly.
The month could have been ruined only 4 days in, but I persevered. I think it was knowing I'd be posting the results that kept me from giving in. My emotions, my confidence, my energy, and my happiness all took some serious hits in May. So...for better or worse...I'm offering my daily journal as is, unedited, typos and all :
Freya's merry, merry month of May :
May 1, shortly after midnight : Can't sleep. Purple gspot vibe. Lubed up, massaged gspot gently, builing pleasure until fully aroused, squirted after a euphoric welling of sensations ended in a small burst of happy pussy tears. Not an orgasm, but satisfying. Took the edge off. Relaxed enough to fallasleep. Rating from 1-10: 4.
May 1, 11:30 a.m. : Purple gspot vibe again, added in bullet vibe on clit this time. More vigorous thrusting because I'm alone this time (no risk of waking Od). Build up intesnse from inside. A warm, calm, confident pleasure. No chasing required. Tipped over into orgasm easily. Slight gushing, not as much as last time. Back of my thighs feel rubbery, I'm cum drunk sleepy, and also famished. 30 minutes later I still feel glowing, humming, whatever low resonance adjective works here. rate 7
May 1, 7:45 p.m. : went for my hat trick after all. very clit aware all afternoon and evening, like it was a living thing of it's own, very demanding. I'm blaming the rain and stormy weather for the extra energy. anyway, used bullet on clit while watching gay porn. orgasm was a finicky little bitch and made me chase her down. took longer than other two in the day. rate 6
May 2, 11:30 a.m. : used lelo soraya. took a long time and switched up thrusting method a lot. finally came, but was working up a sweat. wth? sort of frustrated afterwards from the effort it took to cum. headache intensified, not receded. rating 6
may 3, 9 p.m. : joined od while he masturbated with my bullet.. played with gspot vibe while he played, waiting my turn. slightly distracted by his presence. i needed my bullet, so i waited, amped up the verbal volume to speed him along intentionally to push him over the edge. i was overstimulated internally by that time. light was on, i felt too exposed, too disconnected, even when he took over the gspot vibe. no foreplay, no kissing due to cold, it felt forced, i got close a lot of times, but extended vibrations numbed me out and it was too intense when he pushed firmly. i gave up, became emotional, things bubbled out and i found words for feelings that had been present for a few months. terrible timing. not pleasant. depressed afterwards. things are apparently not okay. no orgasm, but technically I masturbated. whatever. might be my sex life for awhile. fml. im nothing if not stubborn, though. im still gonna do this thing. fuck it. rate negative.
may 4, 8:30 a.m. : after shower before I needed to make the bed. used hands over chest, stomach, vulva, then panasonic vibe. couldn't keep mind from wandering to stressful thoughts over and over again. barely got a twitch or tingle of interest. more like a massage than masturbation but i'm counting it. no orgasm, no real desire for one. too depressed, upset, sad, whatever. sexuality and happiness go hand in hand. now i'm evenmore sure of it. better luck tomorrow, but i don't count on it. rating 1
may 5, 11 p.m.ish : exhausted from long day. Mentally, physically. Laying in bed trying to tune the thoughts and feelings of the day out, remembered I haven't had any alone time. I take a few minutes to play, explore with my hands. I confirm my pussy is still there, but not much else. Sad thing is, i could really use an orgasm to fall asleep, but my mind and body won't cooperate. I'm still counting it though. i made an effort. rating 0
may 6, after midnight (so technically the 7th) but within my waking hours, so it's still good in my book. Again, couldn't sleep, tumblred for a bit, tried to listen to music, then podcasts, then decided to give masturbation a try after having called the day a wash. I used my lelo and knew instantly that my body would cooperate. my pussy responded enthusiastically and after a few stop/starts because I tried really hard not to wake Od I finally came. It was with pleasure, it was with relief, and it was with enough release for me to use the oxytocin to fall asleep. I quickly cleaned up and made good use of the afterglow. Finally. rate 6 (if not for the pleasure level, than for the relief)
may 7, 10:30 am : I knew that I should make good use of my alone time because I was feeling the need for some ass play. I tried out the blue dildo previously used for Od, and i really liked the way it felt in my own ass. Laying on my side i reached behind me to work the dildo and after I found a rhythm, applied the bullet in between my clenched legs to hold the vibe in place. The angle was tiring after awhile and i tried something else that was new. I sat up on the bed and rocked with the dildo inside of me and used my hands to barely touch my clit. That was practically unnecessary. It took some time, but I had what can only be described as an anal orgasm. I don't know. It was gentle, mild, but extremely pleasurable, but not in the throbbing-clit-pussy-clenching kind of way. Weird, but I loved it. rate 7 for novelty.
may 8, 10:00 : again leaving it until down around the wire I seized the opportunity for solo pleasure. I was media multi-tasking...watching t.v. with my ears, reading on my epad and checking email, tumblr, and blog updates intermittently on my iPhone. Od went to take a shower so I used the guaranteed alone time. He has tragically poor timing in general : asking to help with grocery bags as I walk in with the last of many... calling me on the phone during the last 5 minutes of a movie I'm watching or during an exciting part of a book I'm reading...and of course walking down the hall or coming into the bedroom at a crucial moment while I'm masturbating. We joke about it, but yeah...now was not the time for disturbances. I had a good 15-20 minute window so I pulled out my bullet, and loaded some porn on my phone. I relaxed and worked the vibe back and forth in painting like motions over my clit while the soundtrack of a very verbal man receiving an apparently satisfying blowjob played in my ears. I just needed the sounds of pleasure. My orgasm was not a sure thing at first, but in the second and third play of the short clip I got worked up enough and eventually came at the same time as the man in the video. rate 6
may 9, late, after midnight but within waking hours, again, I'm counting it : we went out to dinner and a movie, on the way home he asked me a question that lead off our first direct talk about our problems since "the blowout". we continued talking for over an hour in the garage, resolved some hurt feelings enough to kiss and make up. it was a major relief. he offered that he'd kept his promise of reaching his goal save one day. I offered a tidbit about my activities and when we went to bed i broached the subject of helping each other out so we did. it was a comfortable reunion. lots of passionate kisses. i was only slightly nervous about including my breasts and any negative thoughts that might occur, but it wasn't a problem. we focused on my pussy, which was a nice change to be honest. using the penis sleeve like a dildo he fucked me and I used my vibe on my clit. i chased that feeling all over the place and had what felt like a gspot orgams, (thought i gushed, but no) and the prolonged vibrations were beginning to tingle/burn and the intensity became overwhelming. it took a few thrusting tempo changes to get in "the zone" where i felt the orgasm building and i think the tenseness of the last few days had me on edge and holding in but he said all the right things encouraging me to let go...so i did. it was cathartic. pleasurable, intense, but more like a healing. right after i asked him to pull the toy out and with a growl i rolled him over, mounted him and rode him. he stopped me long enough to yank my tank top off and with spirit in his mouth he gripped my hips and set the pace to a quick and easy orgasm. sleep soon followed along with the best 5 hours of sleep i've had in a week. thank fucking god. rate 7
may 10 : i totally dropped the ball. no masturbation. no orgasm. i was happy to crawl in bed next to a sleeping Od and curl up to his back while I scrolled through tumblr on my phone. i welcomed the comfort and the sleep that soon found me. no desire to masturbate.
may 11 : watched a video clip on my phone and used the panasonic vibrator on my pussy over the sheet and came at the same time as the guy in the video. easy, quick. rate 5
may 12, late at night : after we nursed od fingered me prepping with lube then sucked on my nipples while i steared the lelo. rate 6 afterwards we had a surprisingly long sex session. i worried somewhat that he wouldnt be able to finish. side effect of building stamina. he worked up a sweat!
may 13 : i skipped. not even vaguely interested so i didnt force it. lazy rainy day. i spent the last few hours of the day in bed reading and im sure (as i was nude) that my hand wandered between my legs to pet. if that counts. it was with no intent for pleasure, just wandering hands...because i could.
may 14, morning : i joined od while he masturbated after we nursed before getting ready for the day. i used my panasonic at his suggestion. i got distracted watching him and turned it off after he came. while he wandered around playing beat the clock i tried again, and through that buzzing numbness that sometimes occurs I came. short, quick, mild. slightly a letdown, but still okay. a side effect of early morning (not my best time) being distracted (by watching od instead) and no physical connection (feeling on display) rate 4. BONUS, late evening: after tumbling for awhile I found a video that got me hot and bothered for some pussy licking so I molested Od when we went to bed. He did a superb job in my favorite position (him on his knees at the end of the bed and my ass on the edge with my legs draped over his arms/feet resting on his shoulders) then fingered me until I had a gspot orgasm and we had some seriously hot sex afterwards. It was physical, aggressive, and I squirted for the first time while having sex. Fucking awesome. rate 6
may 15, : used the panasonic after my shower along with the purple gspot vibrator I have. left a huge wet spot. again. rate 6
may 16, : one of those days where it was fine, la la la until a certain point. then unexpectantly it went to utter massive shit. I actually hid downstairs on my laptop for a few hours until the kids went to bed, then I still needed to zone out so I watched amovie until after midnight. went to bed exhausted. didn't even cross my mind.
may 17, : used lelo while I watched some porn on my phone in the bedroon. it was a stress reliever mostly and a to-do item on my list. didn't want to miss another day. but it was pleasureable and easy to achieve. i like those days. rate 6
may 18, ???
may 19 , Od licked my pussy and used purple gspot toy, then I used bullet on my clit as he continued with toy. i came easily. rate 5. Then had sex although he didn't cum as he'd already cum on my ass from grinding earlier.
may 20 early evening : He used the penis sleeve to fuck me as i controlled bullet. a gspot stimulated orgasm combined with clitoral. rate 6 would be 7 but my pussy squeezed the toy out on the downthrust and got refused re-entry and slipped on my vulva and clit painfully. then i climbed on top and rode him briefly until he came.
may 21 after late night argument the previous night i dont want to do anything. no sex no masturbation no nursing. im just so tired.
may 22, : nope
may 23, afternoon: two orgasms in a row using lelo while watching porn. rates 5 and 6
may 25, bedtime : od used penis sheath on me after going down, and i used bullet. rate 7
may 26, afternoon : after oil bath i used purple gspot vibrator in my ass, bullet on clit, came fast!!! rate 6 evening : sucked od's cock at edge of bed while he fingered me leaning over me, then fucked me doggy style on bed while i used the panasonic rate 7
may 27-30, period. no play. gave Od handjobs, 2 i think.
may 31, noon : lelo watching porn. easy, quick orgasm right on the surface with no warm up and little pressure. gspot verrrrrrry sensitive. actually had to edge for a minute or two so it wasnt over too quickly! rate 5 (day 5 of period)
I did some note taking and after tallying specific results I found that :
- I masturbated 23 times
- I had intercourse 5 times (really. that's all. very telling)
- in all that activity combined I had 19 orgasms
- only one orgasm was without the help of a toy
- my average pleasure rating of a sex act was 5.12 out of 10.
- I squirted 4 times
- my ass was involved 2 times. (solo self play only. also very telling)
- 9 times there was either no masturbation or no pleasure involved whatsoever
- 3 times the sex act left me feeling worse afterwards
- Od and I were together for 10 out of 28 sexual acts
- he was solely responsible for my orgasm only one time
- I used porn 6 times
- my most used toy is a bullet vibrator (10 uses) followed by a tie between my Lelo soraya (6) and my purple gspot vibrator(6) followed by my trusty old Panasonic personal massager (5) and trailing that is the penis sleeve as a proxy dildo (3) with the Vixen dildo and my own hands coming in last (1)
There. I said it.
I noticed the change when I decided to pull back on my efforts to initiate everything. I let him lead. Only things didn't go very far. It occurred to me that my successful sex life was a product of my own fabrication. He was willing to play along. But I found myself doing all the work. Really? How much work is the right amount before it begins to feel like coersion? Coersion's not sexy. It doesn't make my pussy wet. It doesn't give me the feeling of being wanted. I'd go so far as to say it made me feel as if I was forcing myself on him and he was politely tolerating me.
And we can forget about anything kinky. Aside from a brief stint in his cage back in March...there's been nothing. Hints and empty promises, but not much more. I'm bored sexually. It sounds harsh. I don't mean it to be. Yet, it's the truth. On one level, there's the things I'd do if I had a willing partner to get my hands and toys on. On a lower level, there's the things I get to participate in indirectly, which calm my inner kinky beast temporarily while at the same time causing frustration because I can't be there. Then under that, there's the tangible day to day sexual relationship that I'm in. It's lacking. I find myself more frustrated than satisfied. I'm becoming a spouse who settles for less. And that's a sad thing. We had so much promise. We tried things out, dipped our toes in a lot of kinky waters, but ultimately he chooses to only think about kinky things and I actually prefer to do them. Need to do them. I feel like Benny in Circle of Friends when she gives her speech about being marched to the top of the mountain to see the whole wide world only to be told "That's what you can't have, you stupid article!!!" And then she gets marched back down to continue on with her previous existence.
Will this change? Right now I'm doubting it. Can I be happy with a man who loves me and shows it romantically, just not enough sexually? Yes I can. But I'll be paying a price. Let's hope I don't go broke.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Sharing is caring
I casually mentioned in my last post that my husband and I had a conversation around the concept of "sharing". By the request of a commenter, I've decided to explain the how and why this talk happened. Plainly speaking, I wanted to know how Od felt about monogamy. We hadn't clearly defined our rules. Ever. Like so many things with us, monogamy has been an unspoken understanding.
Something I've learned from years of reading blogs, listening to pod casts, and having discussions with other people is that "cheating" is a relative term. Like most people who set out to be married for a long time I just assumed that my marriage partner would be my only partner. So far, so good. Uh...sort of.
There was that one little time when I kinda almost cheated. But we're way past that now. Od knows about it because in a soul baring conversation I told him all about it. He understood and even went so far as to apologize for leaving me unhappy for so long. We healed. But now that we're healed, are our rules the same as they were before we started exploring our sexuality? I assumed our unspoken agreement was still in effect. There's a good reason for that saying they have about assumptions.
I think. I think a lot. My thoughts jump from topic to topic inside my head as I go about my business. One night back in January I had the idea of "sharing" on my mind. Can't recall why, but it was there. Most likely I was mulling over a setback in our relationship and wondering when things would settle, or if they would settle, and exactly what that meant. After trying so many new things for the last year it's apparent that some ideas aren't sticking and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that fact. What I mean to say is that my husband is not as submissive as I'd like him to be but I still find myself desiring an outlet for my dominant needs. So here I am washing dishes while Od is at the kitchen table on his laptop. Inside my head I'm questioning the possibility of getting what I want, while knowing it most likely won't be from him. All sorts of what if scenarios run through my head. None of them match up with my wedding vows and this unspoken understanding we have about monogamy. Suddenly I have a need to know, in his own words, how highly he values the concept. So I ask.
"How do you feel about sharing?"
Confused look. "About sharing what?"
"Each other."
Confused look continues. "What do you mean? Explain it to me."
"With other people. In regards to monogamy."
"Oh. Well. Hmm." Long pause with his eyes searching the ceiling. "I can think of a handful of situations where that might happen."
It's my turn to look confused, because I expected to drop the question on him and give him the required week or two he needs to come back with a reply. "Really?!? You've thought about that? In what ways?"
And then he goes on to describe 4 different ways in which that might be possible. All of them incorporate a third party to the mix, and I can't help but be excited that he seems to understand my wishes. All 4 scenarios include another man. As surprised as I was that he had a ready made response, I couldn't help but acknowledge that my ideas were just a little different than his. Do I share them? Do I drop it for now, happy with the fact that he's not opposed? I go for it.
"Okay. I like those ideas. What about something different?"
"Different how, like swapping?"
"No, not really. Different as in...a situation where you might not be directly involved. Sort of.....*deep breath*...sortoflikeahallpass."
"Like a hall pass?"
"Yes. A hall pass."
He thinks. Thinks some more. I hold my breath as my eyebrows climb my forehead.
More thinking. More breath holding. I try not to do that nervous laughing/smiling thing I do.
Finally he answers. "I guess so. It really depends."
I know where his mind is leading him. "You mean the who, the where, being safe and smart, and all that?"
"Yes." He seems relieved that for a change that I'm not rolling my eyes at his need for safety rules.
"Okay, I get that. So you're not saying no?" I ask him incredulously.
"No. I'm not."
I smile at him and shake my head in wonder, knowing that I've used my limit of pushing boundaries this evening. Pleasantly surprised and content with our conversation I kiss him and tell him I love him.
It seems we have a new understanding.
Something I've learned from years of reading blogs, listening to pod casts, and having discussions with other people is that "cheating" is a relative term. Like most people who set out to be married for a long time I just assumed that my marriage partner would be my only partner. So far, so good. Uh...sort of.
There was that one little time when I kinda almost cheated. But we're way past that now. Od knows about it because in a soul baring conversation I told him all about it. He understood and even went so far as to apologize for leaving me unhappy for so long. We healed. But now that we're healed, are our rules the same as they were before we started exploring our sexuality? I assumed our unspoken agreement was still in effect. There's a good reason for that saying they have about assumptions.
I think. I think a lot. My thoughts jump from topic to topic inside my head as I go about my business. One night back in January I had the idea of "sharing" on my mind. Can't recall why, but it was there. Most likely I was mulling over a setback in our relationship and wondering when things would settle, or if they would settle, and exactly what that meant. After trying so many new things for the last year it's apparent that some ideas aren't sticking and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that fact. What I mean to say is that my husband is not as submissive as I'd like him to be but I still find myself desiring an outlet for my dominant needs. So here I am washing dishes while Od is at the kitchen table on his laptop. Inside my head I'm questioning the possibility of getting what I want, while knowing it most likely won't be from him. All sorts of what if scenarios run through my head. None of them match up with my wedding vows and this unspoken understanding we have about monogamy. Suddenly I have a need to know, in his own words, how highly he values the concept. So I ask.
"How do you feel about sharing?"
Confused look. "About sharing what?"
"Each other."
Confused look continues. "What do you mean? Explain it to me."
"With other people. In regards to monogamy."
"Oh. Well. Hmm." Long pause with his eyes searching the ceiling. "I can think of a handful of situations where that might happen."
It's my turn to look confused, because I expected to drop the question on him and give him the required week or two he needs to come back with a reply. "Really?!? You've thought about that? In what ways?"
And then he goes on to describe 4 different ways in which that might be possible. All of them incorporate a third party to the mix, and I can't help but be excited that he seems to understand my wishes. All 4 scenarios include another man. As surprised as I was that he had a ready made response, I couldn't help but acknowledge that my ideas were just a little different than his. Do I share them? Do I drop it for now, happy with the fact that he's not opposed? I go for it.
"Okay. I like those ideas. What about something different?"
"Different how, like swapping?"
"No, not really. Different as in...a situation where you might not be directly involved. Sort of.....*deep breath*...sortoflikeahallpass."
"Like a hall pass?"
"Yes. A hall pass."
He thinks. Thinks some more. I hold my breath as my eyebrows climb my forehead.
More thinking. More breath holding. I try not to do that nervous laughing/smiling thing I do.
Finally he answers. "I guess so. It really depends."
I know where his mind is leading him. "You mean the who, the where, being safe and smart, and all that?"
"Yes." He seems relieved that for a change that I'm not rolling my eyes at his need for safety rules.
"Okay, I get that. So you're not saying no?" I ask him incredulously.
"No. I'm not."
I smile at him and shake my head in wonder, knowing that I've used my limit of pushing boundaries this evening. Pleasantly surprised and content with our conversation I kiss him and tell him I love him.
It seems we have a new understanding.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Son of a Preacher Man
There are a few topics of conversation which I avoid because they are full of opinions and nothing more. Religion is high on that list. I respect everyone's faith and belief system. Mainly because mine has been roughly defined at best and cast aside at worst. I was not raised in a church, but because of regular visits to my friend Jenny's church and also to my aunt's church I was offered the exposure to the possibility of a higher power. Let's just say I got the basic idea and the main points stuck. Enough so that in the summer before 6th grade I went to church camp with my friend and another girl. It was a Baptist camp. Young people and adult people were being saved left and right. On day 3, I was one of them. It was offered. I felt obligated. It seemed rude to say no. This did two things : it gave me something to write home about other than complaining about the mosquitoes and it caught the serious attention of a boy named Jonathan.
Let me back up to days 1 and 2. (this part might sound a bit more like the Freya you all know) Day one was spent riding the bus to camp, shifting in my seat the whole way to unstick my thighs from the hot vinyl and staring holes in the back of the head of the cute older blond boy whom I did not recognize but felt immediate lust for in my little not-quite-11-year-old heart. Seriously. I vividly remember wanting. I don't know exactly what it was that I wanted, but it surely involved him.
After arriving at camp, making up our bunks, and walking around the site to check things out, I discovered that there was a miniature golf course included in this camp and guess who was already in the middle of a game by himself looking all blond, and tall, and cute? That's right. Dave. I know this is his name because that's what he told my friend after I drug her by the arm back to the cabin to get my camera and made her go take a picture of him. I was too chicken to do it myself. You see, I had the nerve to want things back in those days - just not the nerve to go get them. So I made my friend Jenny do it instead. She delivered the goods, alright. I even got his name. *smiles* I was giddy with the excitement that once home, I would have a tangible reminder of him. At dinner that night I cast longing side-eye glances at him and willed him to notice me. He did not. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that he was a 7th grader and most likely was only aware of girls who'd already begun to show their feminine possibilities. My "possibilities" would take another two years to fill up my training bra. No matter. In my mind I still had a chance. I was cute. I was blonde. And I had dimples.
Day 2 gave me more opportunity to mingle with other kids as we were divided into age groups. On day two I met Jonathan. Blond, slight, quiet, and bespectacled. Exactly the same age as me. And the Youth Minister's son. For some reason that I can't put my finger on, Jonathan took to me like a squeak takes to clean. That's how I thought of him, too. Squeaky clean. He was friendly in a gentle, kind way and I remember his smile was a constant feature on his face. I had notions of what a preacher's son might be like and as the day wore on Jonathan was hinting at a promise of being more than my simple notions. He asked to sit by me at lunch. I said of course. I had awkward moments of being caught up in laughter filled conversation with him and still sneaking glances over to the "older" table at my beloved Dave. I was conflicted. I was aware of the possibility that Jonathan might like like me, but I was still drawn by the lure of an older man for now.
That night there was a bonfire and amongst all the singing and s'mores there was also smoldering. But not between me and Jonathan. Not even between me and Dave. I was horror stricken to find out from my friend Jenny that Dave was holding hands with some girl. Some 8th grade girl. Some 8th grade girl with boobs!!! I resorted to licking my wounds for, oh...about 5 minutes. And then I went to find my old friend Jenny and my new friend Jonathan. Add in Laura (the girl who attended camp with me and Jenny) and Jonathan's best friend (can't remember his name) and that's who I spent the remainder of my camp days with.
On day 3 there was morning worship, crafts, free time, lunch, swimming, youth group (where I felt the watchful eye of Jonathan's dad), and later that evening we trekked up Vesper Hill towards the church. After much singing, many sermons, and a calling of the Holy Spirit, I found myself sitting dumbly with a senior member of the congregation and taking vows and then BOOM! I was saved. As in : before I was nothing more than a heathen fumbling my way through life and now I was a blessed child of God. Funny thing that. I didn't feel different. Yet somehow I knew I was, because if Jonathan looked at me with veiled affection before, he downright glowed with adoration for me now. And his father had only big smiles for me. Where he might have questioned my suitability before, suddenly I was undoubtably good enough for a preacher's son. I'll never forget the thought of how hypocritical it all seemed, even then at the age of not-quite-eleven years old. Even more so considering the fact that within minutes Jonathan, who had grabbed my hand outside the chapel and briskly walked me down the trail, wrapped his arms around me and boldly pressed his lips to mine. A preacher's son! And at church camp!!!
Something changed in my affection for Jonathan that night. It was knowing that for all the goodness that was showing on the outside, there was some naughtiness on the inside too. It brought us together on a level playing field. I suppose the reverse was true of his feelings for me. For all my naughtiness in my every day actions (I had been, afterall, lusting in my heart for an older man) there was some goodness inside me now, too.
Our romance burned brightly, but faded fast. There were many letters written to one another for the next few weeks and he even sent me a pink stuffed lion for my birthday. How he even knew when my birthday was, I'll never know. But the sheer joy I received from his unexpected gesture sticks with me to this day. I know I wrote him back, thanking him profusely and then......... I don't know. School started and I never heard from him again. He was no more than a wonderful story to tell about how I spent my summer vacation. And if the small heartbreak I felt from Jonathan's abandonment ever got me down, I would pull out the shoebox stuffed full of developer's envelopes and after a few moments of flipping through photos to find just the right one, I would cling to that picture of a gorgeous thing named Dave and smile, and smile, and smile.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
We tried it on for size...
...but chastity just doesn't seem to be in the plans for us right now. And by us, I mean Od. Let me clarify - I would love, love, love to have my husband locked up on a 24/7 basis except for when I want him out. Which would be often, so the question begs...what's the problem? *sigh* He doesn't like the cage. It irritates him. It's not comfortable for long term wear. And based on what he offered - to wear it occasionally while he's around me, not at work, no plans to go anywhere, etc. - I'm just not interested. I would be taking it off of him for access to his cock more often than not. And by him dictating where and when he's willing to wear it breaks the spell for me. It robs me of the thrill of control. That was the biggest draw for me. I was also wanting him to obtain a high level of pent up desire that would ideally transform into more attention for me. With or without a cage, that should be happening because he still only cums when I choose, only it's not happening.
What finally put the nail in the tiny dick shaped coffin was a conversation we had late one night as I tossed and turned in bed. I do this when I can't sleep and I couldn't sleep because I was frustrated. Frustrated at the lack of sex, the lack of effort, and the lack of attention. He asked me what was wrong and I unleashed it all. Little by little all the tiny truths leaked out. I told him I was tired of doing all the initiation. I told him I needed his reciprocation. I needed to be wanted. To be shown that I was desired. He's hardly ever turned me down, and is almost always a willing participant in whatever we do. However, there comes a point (and I had reached it) where I feel like a puppet master and he is merely jangling on the strings with a painted on smile. I prefer a real live boy.
I talked, he listened. Then shock of all shocks - he talked some while I listened. He's rather buttoned up when emotions are involved. I heard what he said, and then I heard what he meant. He had some misunderstandings and there were some things bothering him. He thought he was offering me submissiveness in the form of passivity and hoping that would make me happy. I explained the difference to him. Truly, he's not a submissive man. I know that now. There are tendencies. But that's about all. I would call him compliant. He likes to make me happy and will do what I ask. God, just typing that makes it sound bad. It sounds like I'm saying "boring". I don't mean to, and yet I can't say that I wasn't under stimulated. I have sexual triggers that weren't being set off, which left me in charge of getting myself turned on, left me in charge of initiating sex, and quite frankly doing a good portion of that work as well. He thought that's what I wanted. Od also took the opportunity to reveal that he wasn't on board about wearing a chastity device. Granted the one he has is more novelty, and I told him a better piece would be more comfortable for longer wear, then he hemmed and hawed about being nervous that I'd have him locked in too long. That's when he offered to wear it around me, at home, on the weekends. I know chastity is a sex game, but playing pretend isn't in the game description. If he doesn't enjoy it, then I don't want it. Yet I still really do. I'm conflicted. I know he was being GGG by offering a compromise on the situation, and I'm not ruling it out 100%. But I sadly recognize that I won't be getting what I really want. He's just not as into it as I am. And that ruins the game for me.
I thought that if we made it to one year of rediscovering our sexuality together that things would be okay. We're closing in on two years, but the last three months have me panicking. I'm seeing the old signs. If left to it's natural course without my interference, I know just where our sex life would veer. After all, he is the man who went three years and sixteen days without ever asking me about sex or why we weren't having it. I'm suspicious that he may have low testosterone. Or a really low libido. I don't know? Maybe he's just not that into me? LOL *groan* I say that jokingly, but it does strike a niggling fear in the back of my brain because there are days when I just can't figure him out. He's not a typical male at all. I boldly asked him if he knew how many men would kill for what he has : a willing wife with a healthy sexual appetite and who likes to experiment and has an open mind. His response was so noncommittal I can't even remember what it was.
I'm not unhappy with him. I just need some changes. If I'm giving something up (like chastity) then I'd like something else in return (like him taking charge sometimes). I mean, I know I told y'all about my cock and the things I like to do with it, but I still want to be the girl, ya know?
So for now, I continue to read other blogs, flip through Tumblr accounts and crave. I crave desperately and I want fiercely. Kink has become my Pandora's box. I'm afraid there's no closing the lid. But what do I do with it now?
What finally put the nail in the tiny dick shaped coffin was a conversation we had late one night as I tossed and turned in bed. I do this when I can't sleep and I couldn't sleep because I was frustrated. Frustrated at the lack of sex, the lack of effort, and the lack of attention. He asked me what was wrong and I unleashed it all. Little by little all the tiny truths leaked out. I told him I was tired of doing all the initiation. I told him I needed his reciprocation. I needed to be wanted. To be shown that I was desired. He's hardly ever turned me down, and is almost always a willing participant in whatever we do. However, there comes a point (and I had reached it) where I feel like a puppet master and he is merely jangling on the strings with a painted on smile. I prefer a real live boy.
I talked, he listened. Then shock of all shocks - he talked some while I listened. He's rather buttoned up when emotions are involved. I heard what he said, and then I heard what he meant. He had some misunderstandings and there were some things bothering him. He thought he was offering me submissiveness in the form of passivity and hoping that would make me happy. I explained the difference to him. Truly, he's not a submissive man. I know that now. There are tendencies. But that's about all. I would call him compliant. He likes to make me happy and will do what I ask. God, just typing that makes it sound bad. It sounds like I'm saying "boring". I don't mean to, and yet I can't say that I wasn't under stimulated. I have sexual triggers that weren't being set off, which left me in charge of getting myself turned on, left me in charge of initiating sex, and quite frankly doing a good portion of that work as well. He thought that's what I wanted. Od also took the opportunity to reveal that he wasn't on board about wearing a chastity device. Granted the one he has is more novelty, and I told him a better piece would be more comfortable for longer wear, then he hemmed and hawed about being nervous that I'd have him locked in too long. That's when he offered to wear it around me, at home, on the weekends. I know chastity is a sex game, but playing pretend isn't in the game description. If he doesn't enjoy it, then I don't want it. Yet I still really do. I'm conflicted. I know he was being GGG by offering a compromise on the situation, and I'm not ruling it out 100%. But I sadly recognize that I won't be getting what I really want. He's just not as into it as I am. And that ruins the game for me.
I thought that if we made it to one year of rediscovering our sexuality together that things would be okay. We're closing in on two years, but the last three months have me panicking. I'm seeing the old signs. If left to it's natural course without my interference, I know just where our sex life would veer. After all, he is the man who went three years and sixteen days without ever asking me about sex or why we weren't having it. I'm suspicious that he may have low testosterone. Or a really low libido. I don't know? Maybe he's just not that into me? LOL *groan* I say that jokingly, but it does strike a niggling fear in the back of my brain because there are days when I just can't figure him out. He's not a typical male at all. I boldly asked him if he knew how many men would kill for what he has : a willing wife with a healthy sexual appetite and who likes to experiment and has an open mind. His response was so noncommittal I can't even remember what it was.
I'm not unhappy with him. I just need some changes. If I'm giving something up (like chastity) then I'd like something else in return (like him taking charge sometimes). I mean, I know I told y'all about my cock and the things I like to do with it, but I still want to be the girl, ya know?
So for now, I continue to read other blogs, flip through Tumblr accounts and crave. I crave desperately and I want fiercely. Kink has become my Pandora's box. I'm afraid there's no closing the lid. But what do I do with it now?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Mine
Less than a year ago when I realized that my new found fascination with male chastity was growing into a serious interest, I brought it up to Od. I was very careful to leave our conversations open ended. He didn't shut the idea down right away. (that's never been his style) And I didn't push or get impatient. (which had previously been exactly my style) I wielded patience, offered information, shared my ideas and gave him time. Luckily for me he came around. ;) The biggest issue has always been (not just for us but most every other chastity player) which device to choose. There are dozens upon dozens to choose from. The most practical to begin with is a polycarbonate model that is affordable and adjustable. But I find it so ugly. I wanted steel. The shiny, heavier metal just seemed right for Od and I love the look. Plus it's engravable. I wanted my mark on him in the most intimate of places. But, what would my mark be?
I'm not officially his Mistress. He is not my pet. That's not an area we've delved into. I can't think of him as a boy. He's too manly for that, and quite honestly that's how I want him to remain. His offering to me of control over his cock (yes it's still called a cock) means more to me coming from a place of strength rather than weakness. Despite all the endearing names that he has assigned to me and to parts of my anatomy, I've yet to name him. Nothing cutesy or demeaning feels right. But I have a deep sense of ownership over not just him, but also his manhood. I made him a man. I was his first. Only? Time will tell. But for 20 years he has been mine. And then the light bulb moment. Mine. Of course. It was there all along. Mine. It's fitting. That's what I'll have engraved on his device. Mine.
When I curl up to his back on nights I have trouble falling asleep, I nudge my knees under his thighs, my left hand goes straight to his hair and my right hand goes over his hip and straight to his crotch. My fingers wrap around him, my face presses against his back, and with a sigh of contentment my breathing slows. If he's still awake I'll gently squeeze, whisper "mine" and place a kiss on him. He confirms "yours" in a sleepy voice, kisses back at me and tells me goodnight.
This is the newer routine. Funny thing is - I've been doing some version of this for years and years. Always preferring to be the big spoon, and sometimes with a leg hitched over his. Without the "mine" whispering, mind you - that's more recent. But I vaguely remembering reading somewhere that we reveal ourselves and the nature of our relationship with our partners during the sleeping hours - assuming the sleeping is done together. If not, I suppose that's telling in it's own way. It's not difficult to see that I've asserted dominance, even in sleep, for the majority of our relationship. It's my way of affirming our bond. It makes me smile.
I am his in every way that matters, but ultimately, undeniably he is Mine.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Finally!!!
I have so many ways to approach this post I can't even choose. :)
I'm giddy on so many levels I don't know where to start, so if I jump tracks, just hang on. We'll get there.
First of all it has been a really long time since I've had any below the waist intimacy. Until last night. It was an unusual drought for us, and mostly self imposed by me. The last time anything happened it was "off", and ended weirdly with an awkward comment from Od. We took a few days to clear the air and I decided to let him make the next move. Only he didn't. And then he still didn't.
My limit is about 4 days. Then I get twitchy, the lust bubbles up and I have to take care of things myself. I did. 4 times. I could feel our connection weakening, which worried me and made me go all female and start over analyzing things inside my head. I began questioning our relationship progress. Was it really progress or me just being pushy? Well, I was here if he wanted me. Same time, same place. Every day. For almost 20 days. That's unheard of around here. (recently, anyway)
You have no idea how difficult it was for me to just wait him out. The last time I did that it went on for over 3 years. Granted, I was different then and I was pretty determined to not have sex with him, but still......letting go of control is hard to do when you know the outcome may be unfavorable. This time I was testing him. I needed to know if he was a willing participant in the changes we've made or if he was simply going along. It was killing me, but I stuck with it, despite sleeping like crap and slipping into what I would consider a mild form of depression. Our ANR did little to help with that, somehow only reinforcing my disappointment because there we were 3 times a day in close intimate contact, but then nothing else happened.
Last night I finally got my answer. And so much more. He initiated some play when I was in the bedroom doing some reading. He even got a little bossy with me, telling me point by point exactly how things were gonna go down. It seems he'd been thinking about it all day. He even threw in some dirty talk! I think I shamed myself and whimpered. Can't be sure. Well, he did give me options, but my ability to form an opinion, let alone speak one out loud was overtaken by thoughts of "yes, Yes, anything, thank God, YES!!!" So he told me my time was up, that he was going to eat my pussy now. Um, okay....twist my arm? To say that he couldn't bury his face far enough between my legs is an understatement. I was doing everything I could to help him along like hold him by the hair and grind up to meet his mouth.
That was only an appetizer, and soon enough he had my favorite new toy out, telling me to keep myself busy. I obliged him happily. While he was warming it up under his leg, his fingers joined mine and it felt so good that I was thinking we might never get to my toy. He noticed and said "I don't care if you cum on my fingers now, I'm still using the purewand on you afterwards." Knowing that I'm a one and done kind of woman I opted for the toy immediately. I responded enthusiastically. Gushingly, in fact. Many times. I was grateful for the folded towel he'd placed under me. I didn't have the strength to change the bedding.
While I was cooling down and gaining my legs back we did some talking. He wanted to wait for sex due to neglected manscaping which is physically irritating to me, and had even offered earlier in the tryst to cage up to prevent either of us from caving. (He hasn't been locked up in some time, but more on that another time) But excitement on his part made getting the device on impossible. I'm hoping to get it on him tonight since he seems open to that again. Anyway, I convinced him that I wanted to reciprocate with a long, pleasurable edging session. I wanted my hands on his cock as much as I had needed his hands on me!
During the session I brought him to the edge 5 or 6 times easily with my mouth, my hands and even my breasts as I greased them up with lube and knelt over him. He was very sensitive and was displaying signs of being a bit desperate. I wanted to know how desperate. Something about his behavior made me curious. I pulled a domme card out of my hat.
"How badly would you like to cum right now?" I asked him.
He answered in groans followed by some version of "Very badly. Right now."
"And on a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want it?" I was taunting him a little, but genuinely wanted the answer.
"Eleven, if you use your tits again. That felt fucking unbelievable." The position had been a little awkward, so I was surprised it was so good for him. What happened next wasn't premeditated, I swear. It just sort of popped out.
"What's it worth to you?" I wondered aloud, as I kept on tormenting him with persistent stroking. I half expected a lame response.
"What do you want?" he moaned as he continued to writhe on the bed and take deep cleansing breaths to keep control of his body.
"You know what I want."
"Tonight?" he questioned, not as panicky as I thought he would be at the idea. And just then I realized this window of opportunity might be real.
"No." I laughed. "But the next time I'm in the mood for it." I waited for him to back down.
"Friday night? Maybe Saturday?" Okay, he sounded a little unsure now.
"Not Friday. Saturday. So I can tease you and warm you up all day" I told him decidedly. I added "And just so we're clear on what we're both talking about, I need you to say the words." For a second I was convinced he'd say the wrong words. But he didn't. He said the most perfect thing to me.
"Saturday I want you to fuck me."
"With what?" I coaxed.
"With your blue dildo, cock, strap on thing....."
That'll do. "Okay then."
And with that I finished him off with a titty fuck that left him spent, weak, and breathing heavy. And I also got my next blog post and a date for Saturday night.
I'll let you know how it goes. ;)
I'm giddy on so many levels I don't know where to start, so if I jump tracks, just hang on. We'll get there.
First of all it has been a really long time since I've had any below the waist intimacy. Until last night. It was an unusual drought for us, and mostly self imposed by me. The last time anything happened it was "off", and ended weirdly with an awkward comment from Od. We took a few days to clear the air and I decided to let him make the next move. Only he didn't. And then he still didn't.
My limit is about 4 days. Then I get twitchy, the lust bubbles up and I have to take care of things myself. I did. 4 times. I could feel our connection weakening, which worried me and made me go all female and start over analyzing things inside my head. I began questioning our relationship progress. Was it really progress or me just being pushy? Well, I was here if he wanted me. Same time, same place. Every day. For almost 20 days. That's unheard of around here. (recently, anyway)
You have no idea how difficult it was for me to just wait him out. The last time I did that it went on for over 3 years. Granted, I was different then and I was pretty determined to not have sex with him, but still......letting go of control is hard to do when you know the outcome may be unfavorable. This time I was testing him. I needed to know if he was a willing participant in the changes we've made or if he was simply going along. It was killing me, but I stuck with it, despite sleeping like crap and slipping into what I would consider a mild form of depression. Our ANR did little to help with that, somehow only reinforcing my disappointment because there we were 3 times a day in close intimate contact, but then nothing else happened.
Last night I finally got my answer. And so much more. He initiated some play when I was in the bedroom doing some reading. He even got a little bossy with me, telling me point by point exactly how things were gonna go down. It seems he'd been thinking about it all day. He even threw in some dirty talk! I think I shamed myself and whimpered. Can't be sure. Well, he did give me options, but my ability to form an opinion, let alone speak one out loud was overtaken by thoughts of "yes, Yes, anything, thank God, YES!!!" So he told me my time was up, that he was going to eat my pussy now. Um, okay....twist my arm? To say that he couldn't bury his face far enough between my legs is an understatement. I was doing everything I could to help him along like hold him by the hair and grind up to meet his mouth.
That was only an appetizer, and soon enough he had my favorite new toy out, telling me to keep myself busy. I obliged him happily. While he was warming it up under his leg, his fingers joined mine and it felt so good that I was thinking we might never get to my toy. He noticed and said "I don't care if you cum on my fingers now, I'm still using the purewand on you afterwards." Knowing that I'm a one and done kind of woman I opted for the toy immediately. I responded enthusiastically. Gushingly, in fact. Many times. I was grateful for the folded towel he'd placed under me. I didn't have the strength to change the bedding.
While I was cooling down and gaining my legs back we did some talking. He wanted to wait for sex due to neglected manscaping which is physically irritating to me, and had even offered earlier in the tryst to cage up to prevent either of us from caving. (He hasn't been locked up in some time, but more on that another time) But excitement on his part made getting the device on impossible. I'm hoping to get it on him tonight since he seems open to that again. Anyway, I convinced him that I wanted to reciprocate with a long, pleasurable edging session. I wanted my hands on his cock as much as I had needed his hands on me!
During the session I brought him to the edge 5 or 6 times easily with my mouth, my hands and even my breasts as I greased them up with lube and knelt over him. He was very sensitive and was displaying signs of being a bit desperate. I wanted to know how desperate. Something about his behavior made me curious. I pulled a domme card out of my hat.
"How badly would you like to cum right now?" I asked him.
He answered in groans followed by some version of "Very badly. Right now."
"And on a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want it?" I was taunting him a little, but genuinely wanted the answer.
"Eleven, if you use your tits again. That felt fucking unbelievable." The position had been a little awkward, so I was surprised it was so good for him. What happened next wasn't premeditated, I swear. It just sort of popped out.
"What's it worth to you?" I wondered aloud, as I kept on tormenting him with persistent stroking. I half expected a lame response.
"What do you want?" he moaned as he continued to writhe on the bed and take deep cleansing breaths to keep control of his body.
"You know what I want."
"Tonight?" he questioned, not as panicky as I thought he would be at the idea. And just then I realized this window of opportunity might be real.
"No." I laughed. "But the next time I'm in the mood for it." I waited for him to back down.
"Friday night? Maybe Saturday?" Okay, he sounded a little unsure now.
"Not Friday. Saturday. So I can tease you and warm you up all day" I told him decidedly. I added "And just so we're clear on what we're both talking about, I need you to say the words." For a second I was convinced he'd say the wrong words. But he didn't. He said the most perfect thing to me.
"Saturday I want you to fuck me."
"With what?" I coaxed.
"With your blue dildo, cock, strap on thing....."
That'll do. "Okay then."
And with that I finished him off with a titty fuck that left him spent, weak, and breathing heavy. And I also got my next blog post and a date for Saturday night.
I'll let you know how it goes. ;)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
TMI Tuesday 8/9/11
1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship. definitely not this choice. how committed is a relationship if separation is involved? that's just practicing being divorced if you ask me.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further. this would go on for quite some time.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo. this is a given!
d. Let the affair become physical. perhaps, if my emotions about the separation were in a safe place and this neighbor could become a friend. no, if it were to only be a one time thing.
2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested. only if he wasn't my type - AT ALL. (and I have a few types)
b. Flirt with him but go no further sure. like the previous answer, this could go on for awhile. there's nothing wrong with flirting. it's fun for both people. :)
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed. I do this to so many people anyway, so yes - absolutely.
d. Let the relationship become sexual. if I'm happily married, then no. if I'm as unhappily married as I've been in the past, then the likelihood is high. I don't think I'd falter the second time around, and I wouldn't wait three years to do it, either.
3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex. absolutely not. that's a deal breaker right there. your dick might be uncooperative but by god your mouth and your hands aren't - and I have plenty of toys that are more fun with a partner!!!
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation well yes, but I don't view masturbation as an either/or action. it's a supplement to a healthy sex life.
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other i think if my partner was unwilling to try alternatives and divorce wasn't an option - then yes. but i would be upfront about it. ultimately though I feel the relationship would deteriorate.
d. Leave him or her it's nice to honor the "for better or worse" part of marriage vows, but if the impotent partner basically abandoned my sexuality and any hope of recovering the physical aspect to our relationship then i'm afraid i'd have to bail. sexuality is too important to me, and a lack of it is like suffering a slow death while your happiness erodes away.
4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm *wicked laugh* hi - i'm Freya. you must be new here. while i'm not saying this doesn't happen, it just doesn't happen a lot. or hardly ever.
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs. his pleasure flickered through my thoughts. when i was done.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure. well....yes. that's why i climbed on top of him in the first place, silly.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm. always. that's one of his best attributes. ;)
5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweet it sounds nice in theory, but in practice it just doesn't get the job done. i like saving the slow and sweet part for afterwards. a cool down, if you will.
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while i always have an opinion on how i want things, unless i'm ovulating. i can always tell because i turn into a cock-hungry sex beast, then i really don't care how, where, why, as long as it's NOW.
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough yes and no. sometimes. is that unspecific, or what? while i do like it a little rough, i like to be in charge. but soooooooometimes i'd gladly be manhandled and fucked silly seven ways from sunday.
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’ no it's not actually. there's some lovin' i could have lived without.
Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that? I wouldn't care at all. If he ever did it, which he doesn't. you ever play "freebie five" with your partner? Od couldn't come up with more than two people for his freebie list. and that was after thinking about it for days. i could list 15 off the top of my head. fact is it'd be impossible to narrow down to 5.
Bonus, Bonus: What are your thoughts on the TMI Tuesday image above and the caption beneath it? shit. i didn't include the image when i copied and pasted. i guess that means i didn't think too much about it, did i? *sheepish grin* sorry.
—————————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship. definitely not this choice. how committed is a relationship if separation is involved? that's just practicing being divorced if you ask me.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further. this would go on for quite some time.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo. this is a given!
d. Let the affair become physical. perhaps, if my emotions about the separation were in a safe place and this neighbor could become a friend. no, if it were to only be a one time thing.
2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested. only if he wasn't my type - AT ALL. (and I have a few types)
b. Flirt with him but go no further sure. like the previous answer, this could go on for awhile. there's nothing wrong with flirting. it's fun for both people. :)
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed. I do this to so many people anyway, so yes - absolutely.
d. Let the relationship become sexual. if I'm happily married, then no. if I'm as unhappily married as I've been in the past, then the likelihood is high. I don't think I'd falter the second time around, and I wouldn't wait three years to do it, either.
3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex. absolutely not. that's a deal breaker right there. your dick might be uncooperative but by god your mouth and your hands aren't - and I have plenty of toys that are more fun with a partner!!!
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation well yes, but I don't view masturbation as an either/or action. it's a supplement to a healthy sex life.
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other i think if my partner was unwilling to try alternatives and divorce wasn't an option - then yes. but i would be upfront about it. ultimately though I feel the relationship would deteriorate.
d. Leave him or her it's nice to honor the "for better or worse" part of marriage vows, but if the impotent partner basically abandoned my sexuality and any hope of recovering the physical aspect to our relationship then i'm afraid i'd have to bail. sexuality is too important to me, and a lack of it is like suffering a slow death while your happiness erodes away.
4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm *wicked laugh* hi - i'm Freya. you must be new here. while i'm not saying this doesn't happen, it just doesn't happen a lot. or hardly ever.
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs. his pleasure flickered through my thoughts. when i was done.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure. well....yes. that's why i climbed on top of him in the first place, silly.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm. always. that's one of his best attributes. ;)
5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweet it sounds nice in theory, but in practice it just doesn't get the job done. i like saving the slow and sweet part for afterwards. a cool down, if you will.
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while i always have an opinion on how i want things, unless i'm ovulating. i can always tell because i turn into a cock-hungry sex beast, then i really don't care how, where, why, as long as it's NOW.
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough yes and no. sometimes. is that unspecific, or what? while i do like it a little rough, i like to be in charge. but soooooooometimes i'd gladly be manhandled and fucked silly seven ways from sunday.
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’ no it's not actually. there's some lovin' i could have lived without.
Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that? I wouldn't care at all. If he ever did it, which he doesn't. you ever play "freebie five" with your partner? Od couldn't come up with more than two people for his freebie list. and that was after thinking about it for days. i could list 15 off the top of my head. fact is it'd be impossible to narrow down to 5.
Bonus, Bonus: What are your thoughts on the TMI Tuesday image above and the caption beneath it? shit. i didn't include the image when i copied and pasted. i guess that means i didn't think too much about it, did i? *sheepish grin* sorry.
—————————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sex games
There's a blog I read, and I've been reading it for awhile. I just haven't gotten around to following it and putting it in my blogroll yet. It's called Husbandly Touch and written by Mick who is a self proclaimed spanko. It's not kink-oriented or even a sex blog really. It's about his home life, the struggles he and his wife have suffered and what it finally took for him to find a way to create a well-run household. But he admits that there's juuuuuuust a little more to it than that. His most recent post makes that obvious. It's not always about discipline. Sometimes......it's just for fun. He managed to turn a simple game of cards into something more - into a sort of sex game. That's not a far reach. Lots of people have played strip poker. Even tickle fights or playful wrestling matches have the capacity to become heated moments when the clothes fall away and laughter turns to lust. Sex is fun. Games are fun. Sex games are even better. (and you know I'm all about something better) ;)
I found myself having fun participating in a sex game of sorts yesterday evening. I'd call it truth or dare, but the truth portion is me recounting what happened after the dare took place - only it wasn't even a dare. Or a challenge. Perhaps it was only a suggestion, but I was in the right frame of mind and in a "what the hell" mood, so I went with it. Allow me to lay some groundwork for you.
Sunday was the culmination of some ugliness in my household. Problems with the son. The speeding ticket is just a portion. He's determined to make life hard for himself with bad choices - I'm determined that he'll learn about paying the price. There's friction, as you can imagine. I'm the bad cop. So right now he hates me, and Od (the good cop) allowed something that made my job more difficult, was against my firmly expressed wishes, and at a low moment said some things that were personally hurtful, playing on all my insecurities as a parent. So I pulled away from him. I distanced myself emotionally and physically. I lost my best friend for a few days when he was needed, there were no "snuggles" which was damaging in and of itself, and most certainly there was no sex - on top of the week that it had already been. Late Wednesday night we reconnected, and Thursday found me happy with a lighter heart and apparently back in my usual mischievous mood.
After catching up on blog posts, reading and responding to emails, and chatting with a friend or two who happened to be online at the same time, a simple conversation was ended with a challenge. You see, I needed to go, Od had offered to take me out to dinner and as I was closing the conversation I was presented with a naughty challenge : to take a vibrating bullet and insert it before leaving. I was taken by surprise - but only slightly. I was in a good mood and amused at the naughtiness of it. So of course I accepted. It seemed like a fun game to play. The only bullet I have is wired with a bulky controller too tricky to conceal in the outfit I was wearing...........although I remembered this little beauty at the last minute :
I found myself having fun participating in a sex game of sorts yesterday evening. I'd call it truth or dare, but the truth portion is me recounting what happened after the dare took place - only it wasn't even a dare. Or a challenge. Perhaps it was only a suggestion, but I was in the right frame of mind and in a "what the hell" mood, so I went with it. Allow me to lay some groundwork for you.
Sunday was the culmination of some ugliness in my household. Problems with the son. The speeding ticket is just a portion. He's determined to make life hard for himself with bad choices - I'm determined that he'll learn about paying the price. There's friction, as you can imagine. I'm the bad cop. So right now he hates me, and Od (the good cop) allowed something that made my job more difficult, was against my firmly expressed wishes, and at a low moment said some things that were personally hurtful, playing on all my insecurities as a parent. So I pulled away from him. I distanced myself emotionally and physically. I lost my best friend for a few days when he was needed, there were no "snuggles" which was damaging in and of itself, and most certainly there was no sex - on top of the week that it had already been. Late Wednesday night we reconnected, and Thursday found me happy with a lighter heart and apparently back in my usual mischievous mood.
After catching up on blog posts, reading and responding to emails, and chatting with a friend or two who happened to be online at the same time, a simple conversation was ended with a challenge. You see, I needed to go, Od had offered to take me out to dinner and as I was closing the conversation I was presented with a naughty challenge : to take a vibrating bullet and insert it before leaving. I was taken by surprise - but only slightly. I was in a good mood and amused at the naughtiness of it. So of course I accepted. It seemed like a fun game to play. The only bullet I have is wired with a bulky controller too tricky to conceal in the outfit I was wearing...........although I remembered this little beauty at the last minute :
I was given no guidelines, but I offered a report on how things went. Since my writing has suffered and posts have been few I thought sharing the experience with all of you might be a nice compromise.
I finished getting cleaned up and just that quickly got distracted enough to almost forget to take the little LELO vibrator with me. Almost. Lipstick on, keys in hand I was bent over in the darkness of the bedroom closet searching the toy case. Od hunted me down in there and inquired about my activity.
"Where's my little LELO?" I asked him, too busy to explain myself just yet.
Ever cooperative, he retrieved it without too many questions, then handed it to me. I took it out of it's silky white drawstring bag, checked the power, then slipped it into my purse and walked out the door, leaving Od wondering what in the hell I was up to now.
In the short car ride to the restaurant he asked about our unexpected passenger. So I briefly told him the truth. He's well aware of the type of company I keep here in the blogosphere and basically just rolls with it. I never know if what I do will be the one thing that takes it too far, but this wasn't it.
I was contemplating the mechanics of my undercover operation. Should I head straight to the ladies' room and have the toy vibrate the whole time? Would that desensitize me after awhile? What if I cum at the table? Having that thing touching me afterwards would be unbearable. People would notice that something was going on with me. I decided that halfway through our dinner I would go to the restroom and nestle it in between my lips, hoping it would go unnoticed. The challenge was to insert a bullet, but I wasn't working with a bullet.
My sangria arrived, and soon after so did my buzz. It was a strong drink on an empty stomach and I'm a lightweight drinker. Our meal was served and as I got lost in the pleasure of a night out Od grabbed my attention and very directly stated "Don't you need to go to the bathroom now?" My eyebrows shot up my forehead as I remembered my LELO. "Oh - that's right!" Off I went with my purse and dirty little secret in hand.
I wasn't alone in the bathroom as a middle-aged mother of two little twin boys awaited their success. She asked each one as they came out "Did you put the seat down?" One said yes, one said no, then grinned at me sheepishly and ran back in the stall to comply. I commented on her efforts of raising thoughtful young men, and she stated that they had three older sisters who were tired of falling in!!!! Too funny. :D
Now alone I set to my task. The vibrator is bulkier and longer than I imagined (it's been a long time since I used it) so having it slipped between my labia with the vibrating end on my clit wasn't possible. It made a distinct bulge in my jeans, leaving me looking like an unfinished MTF tranny sporting a semi. That would not do. So I unzipped and with jeans and knickers pushed down again, in it went - as originally intended. It's a quiet little thing and set on medium I wasn't worried about getting a numb spot or embarrassing myself a la Sally. I walked down the hallway and out to the dining area. I didn't have far to go. We were seated in the back of the restaurant - almost like it was meant to be. Although a long walk might have made a more interesting story. It was good for my pelvic muscles. I clenched like never before. Od watched with amusement and a smirk as I maneuvered my seat very carefully. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but not uncomfortable. It brought to mind The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe. I was deathly afraid that if I relaxed too much it would shift out and the vibrations would sound against the wooden chair I was sitting on. Then others would discover my secret.
No worries, though. I found a comfortable position, the vibrator resituated itself, and I began to enjoy my dinner once more. I wondered if there was any chance that someone else was experiencing the same thing as me. On a Thursday night in a family restaurant, not very likely. But you just never know, do you? I wonder about things like that constantly. It's how I entertain my brain when I sit in a crowd. Who's having an affair? Which guy is impressively endowed? Is anyone else pierced like Od? Are there any other bloggers in here? Her tits can't be real. Who's kinky? I wonder if those two men are gay or just friends. Oh my god.....the things I would do to that man......... It's a never ending parade of inappropriateness inside my head, and the buzzing inside my pussy wasn't making it easier. I squirmed, I clenched, and for a minute thought I had accidentally lowered the setting with all the squeezing because the intensity lowered. Then after a few minutes it lowered even more.......then more..........then it died. It was just getting good.
I sat there with a dead toy, wet panties, and a sad pussy. This was no way to end the evening. We finished up, paid our bill and began the hilarity of getting me to the car without having the toy slip out and fall down my pant leg. I was wetter than when I made my walk to the table and that little sucker is slick, and not very girthy, so it made traction damn near impossible. Od made some stupid comment as he helped me into the vehicle and I started to laugh. Big mistake. I gasped, then used every last PC muscle I could muster to coax the toy back in. As soon as we were home I removed it, cleaned it, and will charge it ASAP. The challenge didn't have the sexy results I expected, but I was aroused, entertained, provided with blog fodder, and I look forward to doing it again - properly.
Go pick out a toy and play. Or raid the game closet. Naked ring toss, anyone? How about Yahtzee with sex dice? And Twister is just begging for it. C'mon - I dare you. ;)
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Ice Prince
There have been a few TMI questions in the past month that have brought to mind a story I never got around to sharing. I alluded to it in my very first post. (answer #36)
It deals with one of the most bizarre sexual requests someone has made of me and whether I prefer ice or wax. And why my answer is most definitely not ice.
You see, a long, loooooong time ago when Od and I were first dating (almost 20 years ago, actually) we were pretty quick to jump into our sexual relationship. I held out about a month - slut that I was! I pretended to be convinced out of my panties, and he pretended that it wasn't his first time at succeeding. Really. I had no idea he was so inexperienced. He had me fooled. So much so that when he described things he'd read about or wanted to try I was hesitant. I was worried that perhaps my previous experience wasn't enough to keep up with my older, college graduate boyfriend. He was describing things that were decidedly kinky. I was shocked, but not knowing what else to do I hesitantly agreed. He called this thing the Ice Prince.
It involved using a water filled condom and freezing it suspended in a large container of alcohol. I'm not sure if he dreamed this up himself or read about it. My legs clamp together now when I remember it. The desired effect is a cockcicle, basically. That's used as a dildo. On my lady parts. My very warm, likes-to-stay-cozy-under-the-covers lady parts. Any guesses at my reaction? I'll fill you in on how it went down.
Attempt number one found me laying on my back on his narrow bed, with him to the side of me. He was so cute - very excited that I was willing, and concerned about my comfort. I relaxed and we started kissing, he was running his hands all over, warming me up both literally and figuratively until he made his move. At the first intruding nudge I gasped. He pulled away.
"Are you okay?" he wondered.
"Yeah, yeah, God it's cold! Just go ahead. Do it." It was like I was getting a shot at the doctor's with my get it over with mentality. Jesus, I should've just closed my eyes and thought of England.
He tried again, got it further in and the whole minute or so that he worked me with that thing I was thinking "nuh uh, nuh uh, getitoutgetitoutgetitout!!!" until those exact words rushed from my mouth.
Immediately I felt relief, but the damage was done. My pussy had brainfreeze from getting fucked with a cockcicle!!!! It was unsexy to say the least. He apologized for the unpleasantness, I apologized for ruining his excitement over his "great idea". He admitted it was better on paper than in practice. I admitted that was a huge fucking understatement.
There was no attempt number two.
Of course now temperature play is much easier with all of the beautiful options of glass and steel toys, but still. There's no way that anything cold is making it's way between my legs. You've got to heat it up if you expect to heat me up.
It deals with one of the most bizarre sexual requests someone has made of me and whether I prefer ice or wax. And why my answer is most definitely not ice.
You see, a long, loooooong time ago when Od and I were first dating (almost 20 years ago, actually) we were pretty quick to jump into our sexual relationship. I held out about a month - slut that I was! I pretended to be convinced out of my panties, and he pretended that it wasn't his first time at succeeding. Really. I had no idea he was so inexperienced. He had me fooled. So much so that when he described things he'd read about or wanted to try I was hesitant. I was worried that perhaps my previous experience wasn't enough to keep up with my older, college graduate boyfriend. He was describing things that were decidedly kinky. I was shocked, but not knowing what else to do I hesitantly agreed. He called this thing the Ice Prince.
Attempt number one found me laying on my back on his narrow bed, with him to the side of me. He was so cute - very excited that I was willing, and concerned about my comfort. I relaxed and we started kissing, he was running his hands all over, warming me up both literally and figuratively until he made his move. At the first intruding nudge I gasped. He pulled away.
"Are you okay?" he wondered.
"Yeah, yeah, God it's cold! Just go ahead. Do it." It was like I was getting a shot at the doctor's with my get it over with mentality. Jesus, I should've just closed my eyes and thought of England.
He tried again, got it further in and the whole minute or so that he worked me with that thing I was thinking "nuh uh, nuh uh, getitoutgetitoutgetitout!!!" until those exact words rushed from my mouth.
Immediately I felt relief, but the damage was done. My pussy had brainfreeze from getting fucked with a cockcicle!!!! It was unsexy to say the least. He apologized for the unpleasantness, I apologized for ruining his excitement over his "great idea". He admitted it was better on paper than in practice. I admitted that was a huge fucking understatement.
There was no attempt number two.
Of course now temperature play is much easier with all of the beautiful options of glass and steel toys, but still. There's no way that anything cold is making it's way between my legs. You've got to heat it up if you expect to heat me up.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Recharging my batteries
How often do you hear someone say "Oh, I don't have time for that" or "I could never get away with that" when discussing hobbies, vacations, downtime, or simply enjoying the bliss of doing absolutely nothing?
I'm fortunate that I get time to just enjoy. We don't take big, expensive, or even lengthy vacations usually. Fact is, we're overdue for some forced family time. Last year Od and I shacked up in a cozy cabin for the 4th of July and made quite a bit of our own fireworks, we took a small road trip by ourselves in May, and 3 times a year I go away for a long girl's weekend with a group of friends. I need the change of scenery, and to recharge my batteries. You know the saying about "happy wife, happy life"? Yeah, Od does too - smart man that he is. ;)
I was away last week on such a trip and there was much laughing, eating, drinking, swimming, sunning, and just plain having fun. My batteries are fully recharged, and I was more than ready to get home to Od, our home, and everything in it. (including our bed, his mouth, and a few toys that didn't get to make the trip this time) It's funny how 3 years used to be what I considered a "long time" and now 3 days has me wet, squirming, and cursing slow drivers as I make the trek home. My body wanted his mouth, his fingers, and my vibrator. In that order. His cock would have to wait - because of that pesky cage, you know. *evil laugh*
No worries, though. I couldn't manage to wait until Sunday (my original plan) and after an hour or two of lounging and loving in our bed, his latest stretch of chastity was over as I released him, then let him release. Eventually.
That was Saturday, and yesterday was spent in a flurry of activities honoring the two men who mean the most to me. I fell asleep early, desperately needing to catch up, and was barely able to open my eyes when Od joined me in bed for a snuggle. It wasn't how I envisioned the end of the day. He has a few gifts from me left to open. I got up from bed this morning with a long list of to-do items and after checking my email decided to forget those things and recharge my batteries a little more.
I had the house to myself, an early morning thunderstorm was brewing, and with some imagination and inspiration I headed back to bed and simply enjoyed.
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I'm fortunate that I get time to just enjoy. We don't take big, expensive, or even lengthy vacations usually. Fact is, we're overdue for some forced family time. Last year Od and I shacked up in a cozy cabin for the 4th of July and made quite a bit of our own fireworks, we took a small road trip by ourselves in May, and 3 times a year I go away for a long girl's weekend with a group of friends. I need the change of scenery, and to recharge my batteries. You know the saying about "happy wife, happy life"? Yeah, Od does too - smart man that he is. ;)
I was away last week on such a trip and there was much laughing, eating, drinking, swimming, sunning, and just plain having fun. My batteries are fully recharged, and I was more than ready to get home to Od, our home, and everything in it. (including our bed, his mouth, and a few toys that didn't get to make the trip this time) It's funny how 3 years used to be what I considered a "long time" and now 3 days has me wet, squirming, and cursing slow drivers as I make the trek home. My body wanted his mouth, his fingers, and my vibrator. In that order. His cock would have to wait - because of that pesky cage, you know. *evil laugh*
No worries, though. I couldn't manage to wait until Sunday (my original plan) and after an hour or two of lounging and loving in our bed, his latest stretch of chastity was over as I released him, then let him release. Eventually.
That was Saturday, and yesterday was spent in a flurry of activities honoring the two men who mean the most to me. I fell asleep early, desperately needing to catch up, and was barely able to open my eyes when Od joined me in bed for a snuggle. It wasn't how I envisioned the end of the day. He has a few gifts from me left to open. I got up from bed this morning with a long list of to-do items and after checking my email decided to forget those things and recharge my batteries a little more.
I had the house to myself, an early morning thunderstorm was brewing, and with some imagination and inspiration I headed back to bed and simply enjoyed.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
How to keep yourself occupied on a long road trip Part 3
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Monday, May 16, 2011
How to keep yourself occupied on a long road trip Part 2
I had a quick change into comfy travel clothes (the tank top and yoga pants you might've seen in this HNT post.) and we were on our way to the next hotel. Sadly, by the time we reached it the hour of midnight was almost upon us and our. asses. were. dragging. I made a few sad attempts at capturing my hiney for HNT, but gave up and opted for sleep. Od was right behind me after he brought in the luggage and secured the car. No fun was had that night, but I found an interesting way to pass the time while I took my turn driving the next day.
It's amazing what 8 hours of sleep can do for your body. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Oh! And don't forget the sunshine! Thursday was warm, sunny, and had I thought of it I would've opened the sunroof. A perfect day for driving. And that was fun for about a half an hour. Then the boredom kicked in. I'm not a good driver. Well, I'm a good driver - just not a good vacation driver. Cruise control and hundreds of miles to drive get monotonous. So I made my own fun. I do that sometimes. I noticed Od fiddling with his piercing. He replaced the ring with a curved bar awhile ago and it pinches when he sits for long periods of time. I can't remember what prompted him to whip it out, but he did, and he cheekily mentioned something about a handjob. Along with my tenacity, I've got loads of audacity. Again - he should understand this by now. So with his seat reclined back and my hands at an unrecommended driving position, I began fondling his naughty bits and eventually stroking. Had the sun been hitting his lap he would've made a very attractive sun dial! :D
The cock stroking was interrupted every few minutes by a passing truck or SUV that was high enough to have a peek into our SUV. He'd cover up with his shirt or hands, then after they passed I would continue. He was a little tense and not as.....lubricious as usual which made things take longer. Not that I'm complaining. I just needed some help and the lube was packed away in the luggage, out of reach. I'm nothing if not creative. Yeah, I know saliva works in a pinch, but it only last for so long, and I didn't want to run dry at a crucial moment, ya know? Quick thinking led me to the cheap lip balm in the dash. Petroleum. It'll do. I had him roll the stick up and I scraped a good amount into my hands, mashing and smoothing it out. We were back in business and the lip balm worked great. With a slippier grip I worked my hand up and down his shaft and switched it up and teased the head some, then back to serious stroking. All with two eyes on the road. He came just 8 miles south of Petersburg. They say "Virginia is for lovers" afterall. I guess they're right. ;)
You know how there's always one thing you forget on vacation? I figured out what it was when I had cum allover my hand. Wet Wipes. They were still in the other car, at home. We made do with some water and leftover napkins from the console. My hands were pretty clean actually. The petroleum repelled his spunk pretty well - and left his cock kissably smooth. I'll let you know next time whether or not I got around to that.........
Sunday, May 15, 2011
How to keep yourself occupied on a long road trip Part 1
Even though we were both exhausted Tuesday evening I wanted to write a post before we called it a night. Od conked out on the bed as I began posting. I had to catch him before he fell too deeply asleep. My boobs were aching from a long day of neglect and needed his attention. I paused my writing and after they were taken care of he was asleep in no time and I finished posting by the glow of my laptop. I surfed Tumblr for awhile and found I was still needy - but this time in another area. It was late and I was torn between letting him rest and waking him.
I tried to curl up to him but the bed he was in was springy and lumpy. I kissed him on the cheek and left to switch beds. He's a light sleeper and was roused by me leaving his side.
"Where are you going?" he asked in a soft and sleep thickened voice.
"Over to this bed. I can't sleep in that one. It's uncomfortable."
"Do you want me to get in that bed?" he offered.
"Only if you don't mind being molested."
After grabbing some pillows he joined me on the bed, kissed me and curled into me. "Goodnight" I said.
Silence. I was baiting the trap and letting him decide.
Another moment of silence.
He rolled onto his back as I lay there with wide eyes wondering if sleep will win out.
"I thought you said something about molesting me?..........."
I grinned into the dark room, knowing he took the bait. "Oh? What did you have in mind?"
"Well, what did you have in mind?" he countered.
I mentally tossed around my options and made a decision quickly. "Hold on....."
I hopped up and fumbled with the luggage in the dark, found my selections and returned to the bed.
"Here. Give me your hands." In one I placed the controller to my bullet vibrator and in the other I squirted some lube. Tossing the bottle down beside him, I guided his hand between my thighs. He spread the lube slowly, rubbing back and forth. When his thumb found my clit and his other fingers began to slide in I pulled his wrist back. As tempting as that is, it's not what I had planned.
I pushed all the covers to the bottom of the bed and got on top of him in reverse cowgirl position. We've only done it twice before. The first time was just a tease for him, but the second time was surprisingly good. It took a bit of wriggling to get our position just right, and then I nestled the bullet vibe between my clit and his balls and had him turn it on. The vibrations were just as good for him as they were for me. I rode him slowly and leisurely, just enjoying the different sensations of a new position.
Every so often there's just a need for some anal play and this was definitely one of them. I asked him to grab the bottle again and lube up his finger. I should have specified! He got his two fingers that he usually used inside my pussy all slippery and asked "What am I doing with them?" in a confused tone, as he was undoubtedly trying to figure out the logistics of my intentions.
I laughed. "Wrong finger. Sorry. I meant your thumb."
"Ohhhhh......."
And slowly, pleasurably, he pressed his thumb into my ass. Every time I rocked forward I rubbed against the buzz of the vibrator and when I rocked back I encountered the intense sensation of being doubly penetrated. Od found his rhythm after a minute and it felt incredible. The kind of incredible that causes my brain to mouth function to quit working. I was reduced to a grinding, panting, moaning mess that could only answer his questions with "Uh huh" and "Huh uh".
I must have been leaning forward too far because we had a problem with him popping out and after the second time he was too close to care as the vibrator and friction were pushing him toward climax. I still had his thumb and the bullet so I continued to rub back and forth on him without missing a beat. After he came I thought there was a possibility I could still finish in that position, but gave up and went for the sure thing.
I dismounted, asking him to stay with me as I rolled over onto my back so I could relax, operate the bullet myself and have him use his other fingers inside me, too. He obliged me and within a few minutes I had a small, rolling orgasm that felt like there was more to be had. Typically I have one very intense orgasm that wipes me out, but this time I pushed for more.
What ensued was 40 minutes of chasing an elusive climax. Seven position changes, 2 cramped hands, another session of fucking, and an exhausted bullet later I caught that fucker and experienced an explosive orgasm. It was so intense and my eyes were squeezed so tightly that I saw stars. I came so hard I was practically sobbing. It was all I could do to lift my hand to take the towel Od offered me. If I hadn't needed to pee I probably would have passed out in that very position.
It was a satisfying start to an enjoyable week of hotel hopping. The only bad news was that it was 2:48 a.m. and we had about 4 hours to sleep before the alarm went off and we began a long day of walking and touring. That didn't stop us from having a quickie after our morning session, though.
Our next stop was remarkably less adventurous since we desperately needed to catch up on sleep, but the adventures did continue. I'll share that with you next time! ;)
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