Then and Now

Thank you to the TMI Tuesday reader who submitted the following THEN AND NOW questions. He wanted to remain anonymous.

1. What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 17 year old you? Oh, wow, okay.....let's do some inventory : I like to think there's a natural course that women take in their sexual development, so the concepts that I'm now in my late 30s and using vibrators and toys in the bedroom doesn't embarrass me or that knowing my body very well and taking what I need from a relationship and being vocal about it are par for the course. If one is lucky.

I'll even go so far as to say that my love of receiving and giving anal sex, and my penchant for gay porn (while surprising to me just 3 years ago) is a part of the natural progression of my sexuality. I've said it many times : when one opens their mind to new ideas and possibilities, it's damn near impossible to close it back. Essentially, once you go kink, you'll do more than you think.

My 17 year old self (which is a perfect age, BTW, since it was a pivotal age for me) would be shocked at most of the kinky fuckery I get up to on a good day. She'd pull a skeptical face and ask "Really???" But she would be downright scandalized, dare I say pissed off at the idea of her pending marriage becoming anything less than 100% monogamous. Cheating and messing around a.k.a. "being intimate in any way with anyone else beside your partner", although hurtful, was part of the teenage boyfriend/girlfriend experience. I should know. I messed around a lot behind my boyfriends' backs. At a time in my life when I was tired of boys, I met a man who possessed all the qualities I'd been needing in a partner. Never mind that I was underage and he was 22. Within 4 months of dating him he asked and I said yes. I was never more sure of anything in my life, except for the fact that we were everything each of us would ever need.

So, fast forward to today when I openly flirt with men, lust after them, have unconventional friendships with men who are not my husband, and at one time have even participated in a D/s play partnership, all with the knowledge, blessing, and acceptance of my husband...I think my 17 year old self would be holding me down to stitch the letter A permanently and directly on my skin. My views on monogamy have been the biggest change for me because I held a deeply rooted opinion about it previously.

2. What one thing might shock that younger you? That at some point in the future, the person I loved the most and made me the happiest would also be the person I hated the most and made me the unhappiest. Inconceivable.

Oh, and that over 20 years later women's health and reproductive rights would be threatened with a possible backslide that would take them back to the 19th century. Also inconceivable.

3. What part of the younger you’s (not necessarily at age 17) sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia? Hands down, my body and his stamina. I'd love to travel back in time to my life then with my mind now. I have vivid flashbacks of the feel and sight of the hard flat planes of our abdomens gliding furiously against each other covered in sweat. There were times I had to wipe it away in order to get the friction I needed. We're both...shall we say...a little more comfortable to cuddle up with now. :)

4. Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled? I have yet to become a burlesque dancer, work as a naughty librarian, or take my husband back to Paris with me and fuck him senseless in the City of Lights. My only regret is the Paris thing.

Bonus: Give your 17 year old self a piece of sexual advice. Grow some ovaries and ask yor mother to take you to the doctor to go on the pill. She knows you're having sex, so stop being embarrassed to say it out loud so you can have reliable birth control, because dear, you suck at using condoms.
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Happy TMI Tuesday!

The one where Freya admits to hating cock

Did you know there's this cool thing called t.v.?
And if you have digital cable, there's this thing called a guide right on the screen anytime you want to know what's on that cool t.v.?
Did you know that episodes of your favorite t.v. shows all have names? (it tells you right there in the guide)

Well, I recently re-learned all these things, and am amused by them all.

You see, I stopped watching television 3 years ago when my reading habits hit full force. It coincided with the time that our couch finally became so worn and uncomfortable that I stopped sitting on it, or going into the t.v. room for any reason at all, really. I tried for awhile to hang out in there and read while Od watched a show, but 1.) I need super silence to read 'cause I'm easily distracted due to Mommy ears - I hear ev.er.y.thing., and 2.) a person can only listen to so much Storage Wars and Pawn Stars before you wanna kill someone. Seriously, that's ALL he watches and those two shows seem to run continuously. Well, he does watch NCIS. All 347 seasons of it. Again, it's ALWAYS playing, and every time it is, it's "one he hasn't seen before".  My bedroom, with it's comfy bed, became my favored retreat area. This also coincided with my kids hitting the hard teen years full force, so it all worked out nicely.

But now we have a new, comfy couch, and I've crawled out of my cave and rejoined the family in the family room. I've claimed the best seat on the sofa and taken control of the remote once again. And you know what? I like t.v. My watching habits are rusty, so it's hit or miss for me catching the shows I watch on the actual night they air...but you know what else???? I can DVR them and watch them whenever I want! I know, right? It's like magic.

So anyway, before I learned how to work the DVR function, and whenever I was in the mood for mindless recreation, I'd power up the boob tube and I could always find some Friends. You know my friends don't you? Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica? Sure you do. I've known them ever since a fateful day back in the fall of 1994 when as a tired, desperate mother I wanted to unwind after struggling to get my colicky baby to sleep. I caught the pilot episode, and it was instant love. I tuned in every week. I laughed with them, I loved with them, I shipped R and R so hard that it hurt, and I mourned the loss of them when the show ended. Seeing them again in reruns reminds me bitter sweetly just how much time has passed. But I get to watch with new eyes and I get to know things I didn't know back then. Like the names of the episodes. Because my handy dandy digital cable guide tells me. They all start "The one with..." or "The one where..." How clever.

So now it's a thing with me. I was entirely too amused with the gimmick of the show titles, and I like to apply it to my everyday life. Right now "The one with no sex for 13 days" is playing. Or, "The one where Freya loses her voice". If you don't like those, we can change the channel to the episode that plays all day every day from sun up to sun down : "The one where Freya admits to hating cock".

This kind of cock, silly.



I don't even know how this happened, as I live right in the center of the city , but one of my neighbors has a cock. And I hate it. Specifically, I hate it most when the weather is cool enough (like right now) to have the windows open while sleeping. While trying to sleep. And I hate it whenever I spend time outside and hear the damn thing crowing. 'Cause you wanna know something about this rooster? It crows all. the. fucking. time. He doesn't just do his job in the morning, greeting the break of day, then spend his day happily pecking at bugs and chasing his hens. Oh, no. He's a malcontent little fucker and he shares it with everybody. All. the. time. Did I mention that part?

He cock a doodle doos when I wish he cock a doodle didn't. Ever again. This has been going on for over a year. I can't believe one of his closer neighbors hasn't complained. It's got to be against some sound ordinance, or something.

I bet I can flip the t.v. channel over to the food Network and rustle up a tasty recipe for coq au vin.