The one where Freya admits to hating cock

Did you know there's this cool thing called t.v.?
And if you have digital cable, there's this thing called a guide right on the screen anytime you want to know what's on that cool t.v.?
Did you know that episodes of your favorite t.v. shows all have names? (it tells you right there in the guide)

Well, I recently re-learned all these things, and am amused by them all.

You see, I stopped watching television 3 years ago when my reading habits hit full force. It coincided with the time that our couch finally became so worn and uncomfortable that I stopped sitting on it, or going into the t.v. room for any reason at all, really. I tried for awhile to hang out in there and read while Od watched a show, but 1.) I need super silence to read 'cause I'm easily distracted due to Mommy ears - I hear ev.er.y.thing., and 2.) a person can only listen to so much Storage Wars and Pawn Stars before you wanna kill someone. Seriously, that's ALL he watches and those two shows seem to run continuously. Well, he does watch NCIS. All 347 seasons of it. Again, it's ALWAYS playing, and every time it is, it's "one he hasn't seen before".  My bedroom, with it's comfy bed, became my favored retreat area. This also coincided with my kids hitting the hard teen years full force, so it all worked out nicely.

But now we have a new, comfy couch, and I've crawled out of my cave and rejoined the family in the family room. I've claimed the best seat on the sofa and taken control of the remote once again. And you know what? I like t.v. My watching habits are rusty, so it's hit or miss for me catching the shows I watch on the actual night they air...but you know what else???? I can DVR them and watch them whenever I want! I know, right? It's like magic.

So anyway, before I learned how to work the DVR function, and whenever I was in the mood for mindless recreation, I'd power up the boob tube and I could always find some Friends. You know my friends don't you? Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica? Sure you do. I've known them ever since a fateful day back in the fall of 1994 when as a tired, desperate mother I wanted to unwind after struggling to get my colicky baby to sleep. I caught the pilot episode, and it was instant love. I tuned in every week. I laughed with them, I loved with them, I shipped R and R so hard that it hurt, and I mourned the loss of them when the show ended. Seeing them again in reruns reminds me bitter sweetly just how much time has passed. But I get to watch with new eyes and I get to know things I didn't know back then. Like the names of the episodes. Because my handy dandy digital cable guide tells me. They all start "The one with..." or "The one where..." How clever.

So now it's a thing with me. I was entirely too amused with the gimmick of the show titles, and I like to apply it to my everyday life. Right now "The one with no sex for 13 days" is playing. Or, "The one where Freya loses her voice". If you don't like those, we can change the channel to the episode that plays all day every day from sun up to sun down : "The one where Freya admits to hating cock".

This kind of cock, silly.



I don't even know how this happened, as I live right in the center of the city , but one of my neighbors has a cock. And I hate it. Specifically, I hate it most when the weather is cool enough (like right now) to have the windows open while sleeping. While trying to sleep. And I hate it whenever I spend time outside and hear the damn thing crowing. 'Cause you wanna know something about this rooster? It crows all. the. fucking. time. He doesn't just do his job in the morning, greeting the break of day, then spend his day happily pecking at bugs and chasing his hens. Oh, no. He's a malcontent little fucker and he shares it with everybody. All. the. time. Did I mention that part?

He cock a doodle doos when I wish he cock a doodle didn't. Ever again. This has been going on for over a year. I can't believe one of his closer neighbors hasn't complained. It's got to be against some sound ordinance, or something.

I bet I can flip the t.v. channel over to the food Network and rustle up a tasty recipe for coq au vin.

Au naturale

Not once in my earthly life have I ever considered myself a hippie. Hippy - yes. Hippie - no.

Even my parents, who were part of the right generation, were never hippies. My dad had a ponytail for a brief period and my mom loved her macrame. That's as close as it got.

However, without any real effort on my part, I seem to be moving more and more towards a more natural way of being. Perhaps I'm just getting older and becoming more aware of how I need to respect and take care of my body and environment. Or perhaps Mother Nature has been speaking to me all along and I've only now begun listening.

All around me there's little changes. Organic foods are taking up a larger spot in my grocery cart than ever before, and that's when I bother to grocery shop. I've had a field day at local produce stands and farmer's markets this past spring and summer. I'm opting to make and use natural cleansers to avoid harsh chemicals. I'm bartering my goods and handiwork for that of others : haircuts, handmade soap, and lip balm. Not only do I reduce, reuse, and recycle, but I compost, too.

You're more likely to find me sans bra than sporting one. The first thing I want to do when I get home is strip down to as little as possible and pad around the house barefoot. I have a new appreciation for the body as it was created, and honestly one of my biggest regrets is that as a young mother I stupidly conformed to modern medical beliefs and had my son circumcised. It's no secret that I happen to love a man in his natural, hairy state. If you're naturally smooth, that's cool too. Whatever is good for you is good for me.

Personally, I prefer to be smooth. It's not a chore for me to remain smooth. I have genetics to thank for that. But 3 weeks ago I didn't shave. I don't know why. I just didn't. Not even on sheet changing day. And there's almost nothing better than smooth clean legs sliding into fresh, soft sheets.

I took out my shaving supplies, set them on the edge of the tub, and during my washing, conditioning, scrubbing, and exfoliating I couldn't bring myself to pick up the razor. Why? I thought. I'll just be miserable in two days scratching like crazy at the itchy new growth. I'll leave marks, then the body lotion will sting, because I always have to use lotion. And if I'm not going to shave my legs, why would I shave my underarms? And since I was already a couple weeks behind on shaving my pussy, well...a matched set made more sense to me. I'll be saving time, the environment, and some sanity all in one.

So, how's it going? Well, I decided to show off my fluff and fuzz to Od, so he would know this was an intentional move. He leaned in closely to peer at my pits, rubbed them to verify there was anything there, then said "I'm proud of you for trying." Then the fucker laughed at me! You see, he's pretty much got the market cornered in our household as far as body hair goes. Me? Well, *sigh...*, I resemble a 13 year old blond boy trying to grow a beard.

I was expecting him to complain about my leg hair the most, but it's grown in so soft and sparse that it's been a non-issue. Not that he would complain. He's not like that. Actually, he wouldn't say so if I asked directly, in case I change my mind, but I think he prefers me with a bush. He's been petting me more than usual. That may or may not be due to a month long dry spell we just got over. The point is, he seems to like it, and I do too.

It'll be easy for me to keep this up for awhile because fall is right around the corner with it's cool weather requiring leg coverings and long sleeves. For now I'm keeping as much as possible au naturale.

TMI Tuesday The most times

This week’s TMI Tuesday theme is…



We want to know what thing you’ve done the most times.

1. What sex position have you been in the most times? It's probably a safe bet to say missionary. I'm not thinking of recent times (the past 2 1/2 years) but of all the sex I had before. It's a good position which I think gets a lot of crap for being boring. Any position will get boring if used repeatedly without a change up. I can get off in missionary position (if the situation allows, by which I mean, uh, if he lasts long enough) without any additional help so it's a great go-to. The tricky part is, it's the position that he can get off in very easily too.

2. What book have you read …? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I've read it probably 15 times. I have horrible literary recall so each time a new HP book came out I started at the beginning to refresh my memory of all the little details that makes the story amazing. I did the same thing with the movies - had to read the books first for comparison.  Between me and my son those poor book are rather broken. Now for all that reading, which details do I recall? The ones in the movie, of course. :/

3. What movie have you watched …? It would make sense that it's any of the Harry Potter movies. I tend to skip the Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets when there's a marathon playing. I'll dig into the couch for the long haul when Prizoner of Azkaban starts. So it's either PoA or The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, because for the longest time in the late 90's either TNT or TBS played the hell out of that movie and I seriously could not not watch it.

4. In the last week, who have you texted … ? (no names, list the relationship or type of person) Od, my husband. I get good morning texts, how's your day going texts, do I need to pick up anything on the way home texts, snuggle texts, and even more double checking about the kids or something they asked him (because he's the easy mark in our parenting team and everybody knows it.) I used to sigh over the commercials for phone companies who showed families communicating via text and email instead of going up the stairs to announce dinner was ready, but you know what? It's just so much easier than shouting over and over. I'm even guilty of texting to ask "where are you" instead of looking around the property.

5. In the last week, what food have you eaten …? Chicken salad croissants and veggies and dip and fruit salad. We had a lot of leftovers from a graduation party.

6. Today, which website have you visited …? I've only checked my email and visited the TMI blog and blogger, each only once so it's a 3 way tie for today. On a regular day? Psh. That's a no brainer - tumblr.

7. When dining out, where have you eaten …? We gravitate to Panera a lot. I love their hazelnut coffee and french onion soup.

8. Which sex toy have you used …? Well, I've had a Panasonic personal massager for 19+ years. I would say she still purrs to life every time she's turned on, but she's never purred. She's kind of growly. (makes a lot of noise)  I have to be selective when I use her now the kids are older and nosy and hear every single thing except when I'm talking directly to them. Overall, I've probably used her the most because I've had her the longest. Why is she a she? I don't know...we're old friends. For the last 7-8 years I've had a bullet vibrator. Cheap, quiet enough, variable speeds and gets the job done. I would not want to be caught without one. The thing is they break easily so I have to replace them at least once a year. But in that year they get a serious workout.

Bonus: Is there something you’d love to go back and relive in your sexual past? October 1991-August 1993 please. All. Of. It. (with the stipulation that I'd want my today brain in my yesterday's body)

(Thank you to Husband of Two Sexual Minds for this week’s bonus question)
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Naked nap

There's not been much lately to tempt me in sitting down to write. Not for a lack of material. That's good news.   :)  More so, I've been living in the good moments and simply enjoying them and in other moments I'm just plain busy. No complaining, because it's even the good kind of busy, ya know? Today was the perfect example.

I woke to find my husband still sleeping. And the sun was shining. That combination only happens on weekends which means someone was playing hooky today. I had a feeling it would happen. My laptop's security became compromised and he spent the better part of the night fixing it. It could have waited, but that man's sense of priority is skewed at times. At 1:00 in the morning, problem solving wins out over sleep, yet at 6:00 in the morning sleep wins out over the workday. He's lucky he can get away with "sick days" on such short notice. 

The day could have easily been frittered away while I tiptoed and he slept, but surprisingly by 8:30 we were in the motions of a busy day starting with breakfast, showers, lots of phone calls and computer work. At midday we headed out to tackle errands, errands, errands, and some lunch. I even got my car washed. It's a glorious day here. Just the sort of day you want for driving in the car with the windows down, the music cranked up, and good company by your side. To be honest...it was almost too nice for March 19th. I ended up testing the AC in the car and regretting my choice of long sleeves and jeans. The brighter the sun shone, the pinker my face got.

When we returned home I headed straight for the bedroom and without ceremony I stripped down to my undies and flopped on the soft  fabric of the comforter. I was a goner. My energy level dropped, my heart rate slowed and as I listened to the rhythmic sound of the ceiling fan, my consciousness began slipping. I heard the muted sounds of the neighborhood through the windows. Dog barking. Motorcycle driving by. Kids squealing with after school glee. Od joined me on the bed in our shadowy room. My once over heated skin was now cooled from the fan and I curled into his side for a much needed spot of warmth.

Less than 45 minutes later I woke with a smile on my face. The birds are still chirping, the sun is still shining, and I have plenty of the day left to cook dinner, finish the laundry and maybe - just maybe - curl on the couch and call it a day. But man...what a great day it was.

Tumblr Tuesday and random ramblings

Let's take this point by point, shall we?

• I had a lovely holiday season and must've been a good girl at least a little bit because I got everything on my Christmas list. And then some. I'm most excited about my sewing machine that I asked for, and the GORGEOUS silver and turquoise necklace that was a total surprise.
• We visited an international food market that's close by for the first time, and as expected I'm kicking myself for never having been before. It's like the Disney World of grocery stores. $200 later we had a cart full of fun stuff that never makes the usual grocery list. (like spicy Cajun tuna jerky, fresh mozzarella, pomegranates, shark steaks, Texas caviar, fresh pretzel buns, jalapeno Havarti, and pickles from a barrel) It was a purely fun shopping trip. We've been feasting off our bounty for the last 4 days and every meal has been like our private little tapas bar. It's awesome. Good food, even the simplest, makes me incredibly happy. Must.Go.More.Often.
• Saw a crazy amount of movies, at home and in the theater. Re watched Water for Elephants and once again fell in love with the pretty face, voice, and hands of Robert Pattinson. The scenes at the end when he's holding a baby? OMG, my ovaries nearly exploded. That happen to anybody else with hot men and babies? That can't just be me, right? Also saw Cowboys and Aliens and it.....wasn't as bad as I though it would be. It had redeeming qualities. Cowboys. Duh. Also saw J. Edgar. Really like it. Not a history buff, as I never knew he was a homosexual. I'd heard about him wearing lady's clothing, but not the gay rumors. The movie portrayed him as repressed and unfulfilled all the while having a romantic relationship with his #2 man. Together, but not together. He accomplished so much in his career, but failed at personal acceptance and happiness. How sad.
• On the way out of the movies (seeing J. Edgar) I noticed two cute boys holding hands as they briskly walked to their car. As I struggled to get my breath from the sharpness of the stinging wind I did a double take to see if I was seeing things right. It made me smile, knowing things are changing for the better. Plus, um, you know. Two cute boys.  ;)  Silly it made me so happy, but around here - that's progress.
• Speaking of stinging winds...that's about as harsh as the weather got for Christmas. We had to pull the shades on Christmas morning because the sun was shining so brightly. And the weather was nice. Dammit. Didn't even need a coat. Next year. I swear. Next year I'm running away to someplace guaranteed to be snowy for Christmas.
• Had some really nice sex over the lazy holiday stretch. Od had accumulated plenty of days off and used them for most of December to allow us the opportunity to celebrate his birthday (43!), our anniversary (18!) and to enjoy a relaxed Christmas and New Year. Done and done. Also had some awkward, not quite satisfactory attempts and approaches to sex. Meh. It happens. Part of the reason was because I decided to avoid toys to try to sensitize my body. What actually occurred was me getting frustrated and crabby. Once I caved and pulled the toys out, the world was a perfect place again. What I learned that I already knew : there is no right way or wrong way to get off. Just be thankful that you can and that you know your own body well enough to give it what it needs.
• I had a nice surprise when my Fan Fiction world collided with my Tumblr world quite by accident. It was a serendipitous moment of my pervy beginnings coming full circle. After all, I can thank those wonderfully filthy-minded women for sparking my interest in all things non-vanilla. Really. Never underestimate a woman with time on her hands who claims to write fictional stories. Dirty whore, probably. In the most delightful way, of course. It makes me realize I have chosen my friends poorly. Wherever these women live, I want to go there and be amongst my own kind. *sigh*
• Toyed with the idea of giving up any attempts to bring my husband around to the idea of being kinky. Maybe just live with the fantasies in my head. (since kinky adventures have taken a considerable step back lately) Then my stubborn streak kicks in and digs heels in and refuses to be unsatisfied. Just thinking of my dusty harness awaiting it's sophomore run makes me antsy in my pants. Tumblr isn't helping any either. So, when I see Od perusing Tumblr on his own, and looking at something that is definitely not my speed (but not out of the question) it makes me think how silly that we both have these thoughts, these desires that are going unmet. That's not who we are. We have a gift. The gift of open communication and acceptance that others lack and here we are wasting it. So what if he needs a push? I'm pushy. I should use it to my advantage. Hell, maybe he needs me to be pushy. (that's what I tell myself anyway) So, I brought up a proposal of...taking turns. It needs to be fleshed out, but.......I'm hopeful this will work for us.
• Speaking of Tumblr (one more time), Lola has started something fun and has invited her readers to post favorite photo finds. She's calling it Tumblr Tuesday and I think it's a great idea. I have roughly......oh, let's say a few (hundred) photos that I've saved that I could share. ;)  I'll start with my most recent, from a lovely woman who may or not be one of my favorite authors, as well.

all of my kinkiness started with the infatuation of this man. true story.



divine bitch, indeed. lucky one, too.



Called the jockey position. Never knew. I though we made it up all those years ago.......

Tumblr : good for laughs as well!

I'll leave you with wishes for a happy and healthy and horny New Year. I'm well on my way already. 

The gift of laughter

I love to laugh. I laugh at raunchy jokes, I laugh when I'm nervous, I even laugh sometimes after I cum simply because it feels so good. I've inherited a good sense of humor from my mother and it's a gift worth having, so therefore a gift worth sharing.

I got these cartoons in an email (from my mother no less) and they're too good not to share with all my pervy and sexy friends and readers.

Enjoy!

This one's my favorite!!!  :)

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, and warm hugs and cocoa flavored kisses to everyone! :)

Taking a cue from Will.....

.....and I'm posting Sunday Stealing on a Monday. This is the Blue Memory Meme part deux :

(see how much of a rebel I am, participating a day late and not even filling out part un?)

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? I've erased three attempts at this answer so far. (and taken 15 minutes to do it) I'm not sure... but I'm guessing that indicates some confliction. I would describe myself as a person who is happy within her means. I never meant to become a mother at 19. I never meant to leave college. I never meant to follow the path of least resistance. But I did. I lost my 20's to Mommyhood and then I resigned myself to it. I feel there is another version of myself out there that should have been. Like, really, really should have been. And because of my choices, she can never be. I'm content with who I've become. I don't know about happy.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? Doors banging shut (like a screen door or cabinet), and baby belly laughs.

28) What's your biggest "what if"? What if I'd not gotten pregnant? Such a guilt inducing question. I really try to think this one through sometimes and I just can't arrive at any possible scenarios. Maybe I would end up in the same place but with a kid, just a year later, or two years later. Then I get sad about not having my son in my life. Because as much as I created him, he created me too. Then that means I wouldn't have my daughter either, and, and, and........

I don't like to play the what if game.


29) Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. But I would never actively seek one out. It gives me the heebie jeebies to think about that.

30) How about aliens? Sure, why not.

31) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? I choose to be an honest person. That way, I don't have to worry about lies to cover lies to cover lies. Sometimes honesty comes at a price. It has cost me a few friendships, and could have easily cost me my marriage. But I've seen what becomes of a person who lives a life full of lies to get what they want.

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? Panama City after Hurricane Opal in '95. What the hell were we thinking?

33) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes, absolutely. Some of the best work is done by people who are at least slightly off their rockers. Creativity must be diligently tapped into by those of us who hold onto our rockers with both hands. The crazies get it free and easy. It's a trade off.

34) Most attractive actor of your opposite gender? Most attractive male actor? As in classically attractive, or appeals to my own personal sense of attractive? If for no other reason than just looking at him makes my girly parts happy, then it's got to be Henry Cavill. I've been crushing on him since I watched The Tudors on DVD last year. He's even pretty when he scowls, and is the sole reason I wanted to go see Immortals.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? To find our own happiness.

36) Define “Art”. Any expression of creativity. Even more amazing if it's through mundane objects. Matter of fact, I prefer quirky over classic any day.

37) Do you believe in luck? Yes. There are times when being smart and working hard just don't cut it. A little luck must be involved, too.

38) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Compatibility. Personal, sexual, financial, social. All very important.

39) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Recently? Baby It's Cold Outside and Santa Baby. I even like my Christmas songs with a hint of naughtiness. ;)

40) Where were you yesterday? Making my Christmas cards, then having dinner out with my husband and doing some Christmas shopping.

41) What's the worst injury you've ever had? When I was 3 I climbed onto the stove and sat down, played with the knobs and got serious burns on my arm, my foot, and my butt. I don't remember any of it though and the scars are such a part of me I don't even think about them. I couldn't tell you which foot is scarred unless I look, the arm scar is so faded it's almost invisible, and I didn't even know I had one on my butt until I was 11 or 12 when my mom said something about the "smile" on my other cheeks. I asked what she meant and when she explained I went running to my room to look and there it was. A half ring scar right under my left cheek.

42) Do you have any obsessions right now? No. I equally distribute my distraction.

43) What's up? My hair. In a clip. As in a I-was-too-lazy-to do-my-hair-today kind of way.

44) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes. When I was 15 my boyfriend at the time had some  friends that started telling a stupid story about me eating a donut off of his dick. Why? No clue. Did I? No. It's such a random, ridiculous story. If they wanted to piss me off they could have at least gone with something better than that. I suspect their lack of imagination was due to a lack of experience. Not a problem I had at the time.  If only they knew how acquainted my mouth was with his dick, donut or no donut.........

45) Do you believe in real magic? Nah, not really.

46) Do you ever hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Pffft. Do I hold grudges? Hah! That's a juvenile notion of solving a problematic situation without really solving anything and exhibiting behavior unbecoming to an adult. The answer is yes. Yes I do.

47) What's your favorite (non-pet) animal? Big cats. Particularly tigers. I find their eyes captivating and their patterns mesmerizing. See? Just gorgeous beasties.

48) What is your secret weapon to get people to like you? Typically I don't try hard to win people over. It's not my style. They either like me or they don't. But a genuine smile, and direct eye contact goes a long way with most people. 

49) Where is your best friend? Probably in the kitchen eating pickles. He's been on a pickle kick lately.

50) What do you think is Satan's last name? Fur. First name, Lucy. Because if hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, do you honestly believe they'd put a man in charge down there?

TMI Tuesday...Always with the sex

Let’s Talk about Sex

1. What sexual act arouses you the most? For that matter, what nonsexual act arouses you the most?
Displays of desire, intensely passionate kisses and touches...being seduced. I need more of that. I don't get seduced often enough. Nonsexually, the right music will turn me on, and also watching a man groom himself. The slow careful strokes of the razor that leaves clean lickable skin....applying soothing balm or aftershave with an intoxicating fragrance. The fragrance is so important. I love a good smelling man. I've been stopped in my tracks by a stranger's scent just so I can linger closely and inhale him.

2. What is your signature or “go to” move that is sure to get a lover in the mood for sex?
Kissing. That certain kiss that lingers, that beckons him back to my mouth for one more...then that one more deepens until tongues are tangling, hair is being grabbed, and laps are resituated.  And that's all it takes. Or I innocently grind my tush into his crotch and make sleepy moans. But that's for when I'm playing coy. *grins*

3. Do you queef?
No, I really don't. And after reading everyone else's TMI posts, I'm surprised that so many do. I'm guessing there's a lot of variables that leave me the statistical oddball once again. Maybe it's my particular anatomy, maybe the style of sex that we have? It just doesn't happen. You all seem to think it's a sign of a good fucking. I don't know......I'm just saying that kegels are a girl's best friend.   ;)

4. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, sex toy reviews)? (borrowed from Insatiabear)
I only have a handful of "weird" things that have happened. One is disturbing, the other is delightful, and the other few fall into the "it comes with the territory of sex blogging" category. Disturbing : due to a series of unfortunate events a family member found my blog. It makes for awkward family gatherings, but I'm almost completely over the mortification. Delightful : I was propositioned with a curious request from a reader, and I took him up on it.

5. Have you ever had sex while someone watched? nope
…someone else was in the room? negative
…someone else in the bed, next to you and the person you’re having sex with? nuh uh
What were the circumstances? I can only think of one acceptable situation where someone would be watching me have sex and that someone would be my husband. That obviously means the other person wouldn't be. ;)

6. When it comes to sex, and discussing it with your teen have you or would you:
a. Let school sex education handle it
b. Hand the teen a book or point them to a website
c. Talk frankly and openly
d. Avoid it all together–society, friends, and the internet will give all the info needed
My kids got the 5th grade "this is your body.....and this is your body during and after puberty" talk from the schools. I remember signing a permission slip for my son to take a 9th grade health course that was sexual in nature, and my daughter will be taking the same this year. I also know that I've provided them with honest discussions about sexuality and responsibility on my own so that I'm 100% sure that they hear things from a reliable source and hear values that are important to our family. And I never fail to use an opening when I have one to drop common sense reminders. Still, I'm not certain how much sinks in.........

Click Here, it’s important
Bonus:   Remember the song, “I’m too sexy?” CLICK to refresh your memory
What are you too sexy for?
My husband. I fear some days he just can't keep up.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

What else would I be doing on a Sunday...

...but killing time and pretending like the weekend isn't over?
Stealing Sunday it is, then!

1. One of my favorite TV shows recently changed the actors who played two characters. Have you ever been bothered by a TV show or movie series changing actors who play a character you love? I was a faithful Dukes of Hazzard fan as a kid, and when Bo and Luke were replaced it broke my heart.

2. A coworker recently shared a link to a blog listing the "five things you should know before dating a journalist." As a journalist, I can honestly say the writer was spot-on. What are some things people should know before spending time with you? That you shouldn't ask my opinion unless you can handle the truth, that I do not suffer fools, and I have no patience for social games.

3. What is something you often do without realizing that you're doing it?  I wiggle my toes and bite straws

4. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry? Ugh.....my father-in-law. He exists. I have a post in the works that reveals some of that relationship. You'll see.

5. If a fairy waved a magic wand and gave you the house of your dreams, where would it be and what features would it have? It would be like the Room of Requirements at Hogwarts. Whatever I needed - there it is! And it would be self-cleaning. Where? Oh, for a house like that I would relocate anywhere.

6. What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? That gay people have the right to marriage.

7. I used to talk in my sleep. In fact, I could carry on a conversation with someone when I was fully asleep, and my mom used this fact when I was a teenager to find out if I did anything wrong and was hiding it from my parents. If you were talking your sleep tonight, what do you think you would say? I sleep with a fairly clear conscience. I have no worries. But my dreams are vivid, usually crazy, so there's no telling what I would say. I once answered a question with the response "Mr. Butterpants". I still don't know why.

8. The fourth installment of the "Twilight" movie series ("Breaking Dawn Part I") will be released in theaters soon. Movie theaters started selling advance tickets for midnight showings months ago. Have you ever attended a midnight premiere showing of a movie? Nope. I give it a day or two to settle down before I fight the crowds.

9. On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw "Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle" being displayed on a road sign? I'd say "oooooh, I wonder what kind?" and then I'd rubberneck trying to spot some.

10. If a company opened a theme park aimed at adults, what would you name one of the rides? Like......adult, adult? Hee hee. Something kinky.....like.......Whip Lash.

11. Imagine you just moved onto Sesame Street. Which puppet would you want as your new roommate? Bert and Ernie, 'cause obviously they're gay and I've always wanted a gay friend.

12. Have you ever had a weird crush on a famous person that didn't make sense to you? Yes, Robert Pattinson makes no sense to me. He's a little effeminate, too scrawny, and he smokes. I didn't even think much of him after I saw Twilight, but then I found a few interviews of him, then like.....1,000 more and his personality is so endearing that ...BAM! I fell victim. Then I found outtakes of a particular Vanity Fair photoshoot and God damn - the boy cleans up well and a few of my triggers were set off. End of story.

13. If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? See previous response. I want to know things that should not be asked in interviews. ;)

14. You've just won the complete DVD collection of all the movies starring one actor or actress. Which actor/actress would you pick? Julia Roberts has done a lot of good work, and she's the first person I thought of.

15. Actor George Clooney recently told People Magazine that he doesn't use Twitter "because I will drink in the evening and I don't want anything that I could possibly write at midnight to actually end my career." What is something you've said through social media and then regretted it? My blog is the only form of social media I have, and I haven't had any regrets about what I've said. Had some regrets about who's read some stuff, though.

16. VH1 has re-introduced its hit show "Pop-Up Video," which gives behind-the-scenes facts for popular music videos. What musician would you be most interested in learning behind-the-scenes facts about? I'll go with Van Morrison because I love his music and have so much of it, but I know zilch about him.

17. If you stumbled across someone's personal written journal that was accidentally left in a public place, would you read any of the content? Pfffft. Uh, yeah. As much as I could before they got back. I'm nosy - I'll admit it.

18. What is the title of a self-help book that you'd never want to see on a store bookshelf? Fisting and Beyond. It's the beyond that I don't want to think about......

19. Many media outlets have been asking this question a lot this week... Which Halloween costume do you think will be overdone this year? Steve Jobs. Too easy, too soon.

20. Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? It's not a bad idea actually.......

Thank you for playing this week on Sunday Stealing! Please leave a comment or link when you have posted. Stop back and visit other player’s posts. That is really what this is all about, making new friends! Have a great week. See you next Sunday!

TMI Tuesday 10/25/11

I can relate like you wouldn't believe. :)

Not related.

A fun random image to go along with some fun random questions

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)? I'm not on facebook or twitter, but I guess blogging is a form of networking, isn't it? I used to buy birthday gifts on time, clean my house regularly, keep current watching t.v. shows, read actual books and talk on the phone before I got sucked into the world of blogging. Now I'm buying gifts the day of (or later), my house gets more touch ups rather than deep cleaning, I don't watch t.v. at all, I read mostly online fiction plus a lot of blogs, and I talk on the phone less than once per day. Now I email and text.

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out? My people, my pets, my purse, my phone and my granny's pearls. Ha! If ever there was a pearl-clutching moment.... All the important paperwork and all my photo cds and negatives are in a firproof safe and we have good insurance. I'm not so worried about the rest. I just want everyone out and okay. I would cry over silly stuff, but then get over it.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl? I'm a recovering night owl, trying to be a morning person. I lapse on weekends.
a. What time did you go to bed last night? Shit. Okay...apparently I lapse on weekdays too. I went to bed after 1:30 a.m. (time I'm typing this) I'd like to add to my response above and say that I'm a night owl who likes the idea of someday becoming a morning person. But I really do like mornings...the sun rising, the smell of coffee, a quiet house. I just have a hard time waking up.
b. What time did you wake up today?I'll preemptively answer this and say 7 a.m.-ish. But only because the dog has an appointment with the vet.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do? Is this my kid? I kick them back. Seriously. I hate little shits. They grow up to be big shits. Sometimes parenting is about tough love. I'd even go so far as to say I'd do the same thing to a family member's kid or my friend's kid. If it's a stranger kid, there's not much you can do besides say "Why did you do that? What is your problem?" Of course they look at you like you just said the stupidest thing and run off. Not much you can do but pray for karma.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without? Since you qualified NEVER, that eliminates pants, shoes, purse, keys, phone, and all the other usual suspects. So my less than clever answer is Me, Myself, and I.

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit. My week was routine. No new places for Freya. But I did take the dog to the vet's office for an emergency and I got to play assistant because they were short staffed. That was new. Good thing I don't mind blood and needles. I did however mind the $195.00 bill for 4 fucking stiches and some pills. Seriously? I didn't get a discount for helping out or anything. :(
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday Stealing 9/18/11

I haven't participated in awhile and thought it'd be a good way to pass the time on a boring Sunday afternoon and also to flex my typing muscles. They are pitifully underused recently. I'll spare you the details of my other underused anatomy. *heavy sigh.....*    Wow, sorry, that was more like TMI Tuesday. Anyway, this is part 1 and part 2 all in one week  :


1) Who is the last person you high-fived? My son, I think, when he told me he got a 95 on a Calculus test.

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you survive. The draft yes. The war, I doubt it.

3) Do you sleep with the TV on? No. I rarely watch TV at all. I do however fall asleep listening to podcasts. They knock me right out, but waking up with earbuds strangling me is no fun. 

4) Have you ever drunk milk straight out of the carton? Yep.

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee? Maybe. I can't remember, but I always lasted until the final few. These were not big bees, just classroom or grade level bees.

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee? Just once, but I remember it well. I was in 2nd grade, it was at a football game, on my inner thigh, and it hurt. Badly, for days.

7) How fast can you type? Only as quick as I think, which sometimes is slow. I took typing in school and learned the "proper" way to type with finger placement and everything, but I lost my skill and now I have to look at the keyboard, yet I still make mistakes. I made 3 typing this answer.

8) Are you afraid of the dark? Oh, no. I love the dark and feel comfortable in it, except when camping and I have to trek to the potty in the middle of the night. Why do I always have to pee in the early hours of camping, but I never do at home? Can someone please tell me that?

9) Eye color: Depends on what I'm wearing. Blue-gray, blue-green, and sometimes just blue. They look prettiest when I wear teal. So I'm told.

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in? No. The last movie I even saw at a drive-in was Turner and Hooch with my boyfriend, his mom and her boyfriend when I was 14 or 15.

11) When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower? A week or two ago. It was bubbly and smelled like lavender.

12) Do you knock on wood? When I use the phrase I do. And that's not often.

13) Do you floss daily? No.

15) Can you hula hoop? Oh, yes. I'm a good hula hooper.

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?  Yes, but it depends on the seriousness of the secret. And I'm a pretty good liar if I need to cover the truth to keep a secret. With that being said, I'm a very honest person (sometimes to a fault) and I'm quick to share things with Od - unless I'm specifically told "tell no one".

17) What do you want for Christmas? To go far far away and stay in a cabin where it does nothing outside but snow.

18) Do you know the Muffin Man? Yeah, and so do my hips. ;) That's why I'm so good at hula hooping. He lives at Panera in case you were interested.

19) Do you talk in your sleep? I've said some outrageous, non-sensical things when I get woken up by being asked a question, but I don't think I talk during sleep.

20) Who wrote the book of love? There isn't one, silly. Don't you know there is no book, pamphlet, guidelines or even rules where love is concerned? It's too tricky.

And now for part 2 :

21) Have you ever flown a kite? A few times when I was a kid and a few times with my own kids. Rarely successfully. Sometimes with tears.

22) Do you wish on your fallen lashes? I do.

23) Do you consider yourself successful? By my own standards I am successful in certain areas and a failure in others. I'm currently working on them. Failing really, really sucks.

24) When was the last time that you made an obscene phone call? I don't recall ever having made one. Now texting is an entirely different subject......

25) Have you ever asked for a pony? No. I never had a horse phase that a lot of adolescent girls have.

26) Plans for tomorrow? Making a lot of phone calls and dropping off a very large load of donations to Goodwill, and spending some time in my studio if time allows. Oh, and I'm also roasting a turkey.

27) Can you juggle? No. I've tried.

28) Missing someone now? Not really.

29) When was the last time you told someone "I love you"? I replied "love you too" in email form about an hour ago if that counts.

30) And truly meant it? I mean it every time I say it or I can't say it at all.

31) How often do you drink alcohol? 3-4 times per month or less, and my limit is 2-3 drinks. I'm a lightweight drinker.

32) How are you feeling today? bored and frustrated, but the frustration is plateauing into complacency. That's worrisome.

33) Have you every tried to write a meme? No, but I've thought about it.

34) Have you ever been fired from a job? Yes. I had to make a choice : be somewhere I wanted to be or get fired for not going in. It was a part time job and I was young and hot-headed. So I did what I wanted, knowing I'd lose my job over it. My enthusiasm for the job was winding down anyway, but I regret the "fired" stigma.

35) What are you looking forward to? Tomorrow. I love Mondays. Seriously. It's a brand new week with a clean slate. I love that.

36) Have you ever crawled through a window? Yep. I used to crawl through my old bedroom window to sunbathe on the patio roof. (and to smoke)

37) What's the most recent bad meal that you had to endure? The grilled pork loin I made 2 nights ago. It was probably in the freezer too long or just not a quality piece of meat to begin with, then I cut the pieces too thick and they were undercooked. Not a good sign when the steamed broccoli is the best part of the meal. :(

38) Can you handle the truth? Yes I can. I just wish others around me could, as well.

39) Whose to blame for what's going on? I don't care to assign blame. It indicates a refusal to take responsibility.

40) What will it take to fix it all up? Accepting the truth, holding ourselves accountable, letting go of egos, and being helpful instead of harmful.

Thank you for playing this week on Sunday Stealing! Please leave a comment or link when you have posted. Stop back and visit other player’s posts. That is really what this is all about, making new friends! Have a great week. See you next Sunday!

Fun bags

Could there be a more vulgar yet still appropriate name for breasts? I found this picture on Tumblr yesterday and was struck with recognition. You see....I do that very same thing. About a gazillion times a day. When I'm home (which is most of the time) I rarely wear a bra. And since developing our ANR almost a year ago my breasts have undergone changes. Some subtle, some not so subtle.

But I've become so much more aware of them. They are an entity of their own now. Before they were just there. Having served their purpose many years ago and being long forgotten by me, they were only brought out to play randomly. And I do mean ran.dom.ly. Completely ignored for a few years, in fact. So....they just shrugged their little boob shoulders and gave up.

Ah ah ah *wags pointer finger* -  not so fast my sad and droopy companions. Things change, and sometimes for the better. My sex life was reignited as was my interest in other things. Kinky things. Unusual things. Relationship building things. Whatever. My boobs got to join in on my new adventures. Little did I know that the extra attention would change them. Some ways I expected for sure. They went from being unproductive to productive. That's a no brainer - and kind of the point. But our ANR has made them larger, firmer, and just plain old more fun. They look better without a bra now. They feel better, too. A little more bounce per ounce you might say. ;)  And with the easy access of going braless quite often, I admit to groping myself simply because I like it.

Yeah, sometimes I'm checking for fullness or lack of, which tells me many different things like : it's close to "snuggle" time, I'm about to start my period, or I need to drink more water. But most likely when I'm caught feeling myself up it's only because these things are so much fun! Consider me enlightened. Now I know what guys see in them. If only they had their own appendages that got nice and plump and reacted in fun ways when they got played with..................

Can we talk about Jesus?

Of the Touchdown or Big Butter variety? Some of you in the states know just what I mean. To the others: you might want to stick around anyway for some ironic humor.

Big Butter Touchdown Jesus before and after the lightning strike

I was listening to the Savage Love podcast this morning when Dan brought up the rebuilding of the infamous statue that burned down 14 months ago. You can Google it. I even think there's a video on YouTube. Personally I Bing'd it and it was the first selection after I typed in "touchdown" - so as crazy as this thing is, I guess it's a big deal. People make pilgrimages to have their picture taken near the statue. And not just Ohio State University fans either. Religious fanatics seem to love it too, and thousands upon thousands were saddened by it's divine demise. The tacky and (I'm sure in some way) sacrilegious styrofoam statue was struck by lightning and swiftly burned down to the.....well, I guess...... the water. He was rising from a pond, you see. That always bothered me. Why was the scale so large if they were only going to show half? Did the budget get blown? Was the funding for his lower half misplaced? Is there some religious reference about him rising out of the water that I'm missing? I though that was Neptune from mythology, not Jesus from the Bible. I'm confused, because I'll admit - I'm not overly familiar with stories and scriptures. I'd really like to know.

I happen to remember that stormy night very well. It was late, the winds were picking up and the windows were open. Nature was providing Od and I with excellent sound cover in the form of thunder as we prepared to rendezvous in the living room. I had the music set, blankets on the floor, and was hanging my head out the window to breathe in the scent and energy of the storm. Just as Od came up behind me, pressing his warm body to mine, there was a massive lightning strike that occurred in the distance. I jumped a little with surprise and got goosebumps from the excitement and the open window. My husband took notice of my chill and then we forgot all about the storm raging outside as we created our own tempest - friction warming me right back up eventually to the point of sweaty exhaustion. If I remember correctly, a dildo and some rope were involved.  ;)  We didn't think a thing of the lightning until the charred remains of Jesus made headlines the next morning. Apparently he ended the night with a bang, too.

Anyway, Dan Savage was prattling on about the ridiculous thing and the twitter surrounding the subject of it's rebuilding. And then he dropped an interesting fact that had never occurred to me. God hates bad art made in his son's image worse than he hates porn. It's a fact. You know why? Because right across I-75 sits a very large and popular adult store that survived the attack. My adult store. Where porn is sold. Where kinky, deviant, sexual paraphernalia is sold. And you might think that if anyone would be struck down by God's hand it would be the source of evil for us fornicating sinners. But it's not. It's the crazy bible thumpers who build ugly statues and put neon doves on the ceiling of the sanctuary. (It's a fact. I'm not making this shit up - I've attended a wedding there.)

The irony in this situation comes a bit late to me, but the thrill and relief from this realization is huge. It hits close to home - much like the fateful lightning. God can be found everywhere. But a good sex toy store? Those are hard to come by, people. I'm lucky to have one so close to me. And to that I say *lifts hands in the proper touchdown pose* Praise Jesus.

Some interesting facts about the statue, just for fun :

The statue was 62 feet tall and weighed 8 tons.
Construction began in June 2004.
Designed by Brad Coriell Nashville artist and Dayton native.
Built by sculptor James Lynch of Florida.
Funded by Lawrence and Darlene Bishop, Solid Rock Church pastors.
The project cost $250,000.
The steel frame was built in Lebanon. The body, of Styrofoam and fiberglass, was fabricated at Lynch’s studio in Florida.
The 13-foot long parts were transported by trucks to Monroe. Lynch’s studio is 13 feet tall.
Immortalized by comedian Heywood Banks in his novelty song, “Big Butter Jesus.”

It was worth it

Conversation that occurred in my bedroom last week :

"So, do you like it?"

"Mmmmmm mmm"

"Is that a yes?"

Big sigh followed by "Mmm hmmmmmmmmm" and a lazy,slow spreading, uncontrollable, ear to ear grin that looked like this :

I lay there, quite unable to move, and quite uncaring about my inability - much like the sly, contented, there-but-not-really-there Cheshire Cat. I was nothing more than a puddle of bliss with a grin assaulting one set of cheeks while a massive wet spot assaulted the other set. When the words stopped swirling in my brain and formed a sentence I finally managed  "I don't know, or even care how much you spent on that thing.........but it was worth it!"

And because I desperately needed to rehydrate and also because the wet spot was cooling, I got up. To give my husband a breathy kiss and thank him one more time for my birthday present. And to strip the bed and change the sheets. For the third day in a row.

So yeah. I had a happy birthday and I really really like the njoy pure wand. Od is very pleased with himself on many levels. Not only did he surprise me with something I wanted but hadn't asked for, but now he has proof of my abilities.

And Donna, you were so right about those waterproof mattress pads! ;)

Thank you to everyone who sent me birthday greetings and happy wishes. Know that I smiled for days. And that I still do when I read them or listen to them. I love that you all played along in my celebrational stunt of narcissism. You're safe until next year! LOL  :D

Big hugs and kisses all around!

Happy Happy Happy!!!

My two weeks is up and today is the big day. Officially I'm still 36 until 9:34 p.m. I've had my birthday serenade from my parents and I've opened one of my gifts from Od already. It had to be done behind closed doors. Wanna know what my sweetie gave me? He has such good taste.

I got this beauty :

It's an njoy pure wand. Isn't it pretty? And oh, my goodness it's heavy. And shiny. And feels very nice in my hands. I'm looking forward to playing with it very much. It's good for G spots and P spots, so I just might be sharing it. ;)

I've been told there's more to open this evening and then it's out to dinner for something yummy and perhaps an adult beverage. Or two. Or three.

In continuation of treating myself this week I have :

• gone to see a movie and had lunch with my mom. We saw The Help. It was a seriously good movie. I mean really good. Do yourself a favor and go see it. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be outraged and you'll cheer. And you'll never look at chocolate pie the same again! ;)
• purchased a few new books to read. And only one of them is full of sexual filth. Oh wait - it's not filth - it's erotica. *snort*
• had another nap. The last one was so good I needed a repeat.  Only there's no nudie pics this week. :)
• scheduled myself a proper hot oil manicure and spa pedicure (received today as a matter of fact) and a cut and color and a hot stone therapy massage. I'm really excited about the massage - always wanted to try the hot stones. But between you and me I'm most excited about Mitchell. He'll be my masseuse tomorrow. There's something about the idea of a new man's hands all over me........(because I'm naughty like that)
• enjoyed an afternoon of shopping. There wasn't anything I really needed, but somehow I walked away with a new piece of pretty cookware.
• replaced my fading bouquet of mixed flowers with a fresh bunch of mixed roses. I might have to make this a weekly thing. Flowers on the table make me unbelievably happy each time I walk by.

So that's it for my birthday countdown. I'm glad I've taken the time to do some things for myself. It was a nice way to wind down the summer. I remember as a kid I was conflicted this time of year because while I was super excited for my birthday there was the dread of back-to-school.  Now as a mom I see it as a win-win!!! My kids go back to school next week and if you listen closely you'll probably hear me let out a huge sigh of relief from wherever you are.

And finally, for those of you who have already been brave and kind enough to share yourselves with me - thank you very much!!!!!! You're responsible for the big grin I've been wearing for a couple days. I've learned not to check my email while in public. Spontaneous laughter makes me look like a crazy person! LOL

And for the rest of you.........what are you waiting for? It's my birthday don't ya know?!!?



2 weeks left

I have exactly 2 weeks left to enjoy being 36. I'm not sure what I want to do. Scratch that. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to take a portion of each day and do something just for myself. Get a pedicure, a facial, have a nice lunch out with a friend, maybe some fun shopping trips, a visit to the arboretum or a local museum, see a movie in the middle of the day, or load up my playlist with new music, or buy some fun new art supplies.

It sounds indulgent, doesn't it? I have to admit I'm NOT one of those sacrificing women that won't pamper themselves. I'm not ashamed of it either. I'd rather be nice to myself than sit around wishing someone else would. There's a saying my granny has about wishing in one hand and......you know what? I'll skip that one.

I found this pretty little gem on Tumblr and saved it. I have it as my phone wallpaper. It fits my attitude perfectly.

Not that I need reminding. I discovered as a young girl that my name means princess and I took it to heart. Not in the negative I'm-better-than-you sort of way, just in the I-expect-to-be-treated-right sort of way. Even if I'm the one doing the treating. ;)

And just as a reminder for anyone who'd like to send me a personal birthday wish and is really bad with math - it's on the 18th. *wink wink*

Sex games

There's a blog I read, and I've been reading it for awhile. I just haven't gotten around to following it and putting it in my blogroll yet. It's called Husbandly Touch and written by Mick who is a self proclaimed spanko. It's not kink-oriented or even a sex blog really. It's about his home life, the struggles he and his wife have suffered and what it finally took for him to find a way to create a well-run household. But he admits that there's juuuuuuust a little more to it than that. His most recent post makes that obvious. It's not always about discipline. Sometimes......it's just for fun. He managed to turn a simple game of cards  into something more - into a sort of sex game. That's not a far reach. Lots of people have played strip poker. Even tickle fights or playful wrestling matches have the capacity to become heated moments when the clothes fall away and laughter turns to lust. Sex is fun. Games are fun. Sex games are even better. (and you know I'm all about something better) ;)

I found myself having fun participating in a sex game of sorts yesterday evening. I'd call it truth or dare, but the truth portion is me recounting what happened after the dare took place - only it wasn't even a dare. Or a challenge. Perhaps it was only a suggestion, but I was in the right frame of mind and in a "what the hell" mood, so I went with it. Allow me to lay some groundwork for you.

Sunday was the culmination of some ugliness in my household. Problems with the son. The speeding ticket is just a portion. He's determined to make life hard for himself with bad choices - I'm determined that he'll learn about paying the price. There's friction, as you can imagine. I'm the bad cop. So right now he hates me, and Od (the good cop) allowed something that made my job more difficult, was against my firmly expressed wishes, and at a low moment said some things that were personally hurtful, playing on all my insecurities as a parent. So I pulled away from him. I distanced myself emotionally and physically. I lost my best friend for a few days when he was needed, there were no "snuggles" which was damaging in and of itself, and most certainly there was no sex - on top of the week that it had already been. Late Wednesday night we reconnected, and Thursday found me happy with a lighter heart and apparently back in my usual mischievous mood.

After catching up on blog posts, reading and responding to emails, and chatting with a friend or two who happened to be online at the same time, a simple conversation was ended with a challenge. You see, I needed to go, Od had offered to take me out to dinner and as I was closing the conversation I was presented with a naughty challenge : to take a vibrating bullet and insert it before leaving. I was taken by surprise - but only slightly. I was in a good mood and amused at the naughtiness of it. So of course I accepted. It seemed like a fun game to play. The only bullet I have is wired with a bulky controller too tricky to conceal in the outfit I was wearing...........although I remembered this little beauty at the last minute :

I was given no guidelines, but I offered a report on how things went. Since my writing has suffered and posts have been few I thought sharing the experience with all of you might be a nice compromise.

I finished getting cleaned up and just that quickly got distracted enough to almost forget to take the little LELO vibrator with me. Almost. Lipstick on, keys in hand I was bent over in the darkness of the bedroom closet searching the toy case. Od hunted me down in there and inquired about my activity.

"Where's my little LELO?" I asked him, too busy to explain myself just yet.

Ever cooperative, he retrieved it without too many questions, then handed it to me. I took it out of it's silky white drawstring bag, checked the power, then slipped it into my purse and walked out the door, leaving Od wondering what in the hell I was up to now.

In the short car ride to the restaurant he asked about our unexpected passenger. So I briefly told him the truth. He's well aware of the type of company I keep here in the blogosphere and basically just rolls with it. I never know if what I do will be the one thing that takes it too far, but this wasn't it.

I was contemplating the mechanics of my undercover operation. Should I head straight to the ladies' room and have the toy vibrate the whole time? Would that desensitize me after awhile? What if I cum at the table? Having that thing touching me afterwards would be unbearable. People would notice that something was going on with me. I decided that halfway through our dinner I would go to the restroom and nestle it in between my lips, hoping it would go unnoticed. The challenge was to insert a bullet, but I wasn't working with a bullet.

My sangria arrived, and soon after so did my buzz. It was a strong drink on an empty stomach and I'm a lightweight drinker. Our meal was served and as I got lost in the pleasure of a night out Od grabbed my attention and very directly stated "Don't you need to go to the bathroom now?" My eyebrows shot up my forehead as I remembered my LELO. "Oh - that's right!"  Off I went with my purse and dirty little secret in hand.

I wasn't alone in the bathroom as a middle-aged mother of two little twin boys awaited their success. She asked each one as they came out "Did you put the seat down?" One said yes, one said no, then grinned at me sheepishly and ran back in the stall to comply. I commented on her efforts of raising thoughtful young men, and she stated that they had three older sisters who were tired of falling in!!!! Too funny. :D

Now alone I set to my task. The vibrator is bulkier and longer than I imagined (it's been a long time since I used it) so having it slipped between my labia with the vibrating end on my clit wasn't possible. It made a distinct bulge in my jeans, leaving me looking like an unfinished MTF tranny sporting a semi. That would not do. So I unzipped and with jeans and knickers pushed down again, in it went - as originally intended. It's a quiet little thing and set on medium I wasn't worried about getting a numb spot or embarrassing myself a la Sally. I walked down the hallway and out to the dining area. I didn't have far to go. We were seated in the back of the restaurant - almost like it was meant to be. Although a long walk might have made a more interesting story. It was good for my pelvic muscles. I clenched like never before. Od watched with amusement and a smirk as I maneuvered my seat very carefully. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but not uncomfortable. It brought to mind The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe. I was deathly afraid that if I relaxed too much it would shift out and the vibrations would sound against the wooden chair I was sitting on. Then others would discover my secret.

No worries, though. I found a comfortable position, the vibrator resituated itself, and I began to enjoy my dinner once more. I wondered if there was any chance that someone else was experiencing the same thing as me. On a Thursday night in a family restaurant, not very likely. But you just never know, do you? I wonder about things like that constantly. It's how I entertain my brain when I sit in a crowd. Who's having an affair? Which guy is impressively endowed? Is anyone else pierced like Od? Are there any other bloggers in here? Her tits can't be real. Who's kinky? I wonder if those two men are gay or just friends. Oh my god.....the things I would do to that man......... It's a never ending parade of inappropriateness inside my head, and the buzzing inside my pussy wasn't making it easier. I squirmed, I clenched, and for a minute thought I had accidentally lowered the setting with all the squeezing because the intensity lowered. Then after a few minutes it lowered even more.......then more..........then it died. It was just getting good.

I sat there with a dead toy, wet panties, and a sad pussy. This was no way to end the evening. We finished up, paid our bill and began the hilarity of getting me to the car without having the toy slip out and fall down my pant leg. I was wetter than when I made my walk to the table and that little sucker is slick, and not very girthy, so it made traction damn near impossible. Od made some stupid comment as he helped me into the vehicle and I started to laugh. Big mistake. I gasped, then used every last PC muscle I could muster to coax the toy back in. As soon as we were home I removed it, cleaned it, and will charge it ASAP. The challenge didn't have the sexy results I expected, but I was aroused, entertained, provided with blog fodder, and I look forward to doing it again - properly.

Go pick out a toy and play. Or raid the game closet. Naked ring toss, anyone? How about Yahtzee with sex dice? And Twister is just begging for it. C'mon - I dare you. ;)