Extra Stuff

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Can we talk about Jesus?

Of the Touchdown or Big Butter variety? Some of you in the states know just what I mean. To the others: you might want to stick around anyway for some ironic humor.

Big Butter Touchdown Jesus before and after the lightning strike

I was listening to the Savage Love podcast this morning when Dan brought up the rebuilding of the infamous statue that burned down 14 months ago. You can Google it. I even think there's a video on YouTube. Personally I Bing'd it and it was the first selection after I typed in "touchdown" - so as crazy as this thing is, I guess it's a big deal. People make pilgrimages to have their picture taken near the statue. And not just Ohio State University fans either. Religious fanatics seem to love it too, and thousands upon thousands were saddened by it's divine demise. The tacky and (I'm sure in some way) sacrilegious styrofoam statue was struck by lightning and swiftly burned down to the.....well, I guess...... the water. He was rising from a pond, you see. That always bothered me. Why was the scale so large if they were only going to show half? Did the budget get blown? Was the funding for his lower half misplaced? Is there some religious reference about him rising out of the water that I'm missing? I though that was Neptune from mythology, not Jesus from the Bible. I'm confused, because I'll admit - I'm not overly familiar with stories and scriptures. I'd really like to know.

I happen to remember that stormy night very well. It was late, the winds were picking up and the windows were open. Nature was providing Od and I with excellent sound cover in the form of thunder as we prepared to rendezvous in the living room. I had the music set, blankets on the floor, and was hanging my head out the window to breathe in the scent and energy of the storm. Just as Od came up behind me, pressing his warm body to mine, there was a massive lightning strike that occurred in the distance. I jumped a little with surprise and got goosebumps from the excitement and the open window. My husband took notice of my chill and then we forgot all about the storm raging outside as we created our own tempest - friction warming me right back up eventually to the point of sweaty exhaustion. If I remember correctly, a dildo and some rope were involved.  ;)  We didn't think a thing of the lightning until the charred remains of Jesus made headlines the next morning. Apparently he ended the night with a bang, too.

Anyway, Dan Savage was prattling on about the ridiculous thing and the twitter surrounding the subject of it's rebuilding. And then he dropped an interesting fact that had never occurred to me. God hates bad art made in his son's image worse than he hates porn. It's a fact. You know why? Because right across I-75 sits a very large and popular adult store that survived the attack. My adult store. Where porn is sold. Where kinky, deviant, sexual paraphernalia is sold. And you might think that if anyone would be struck down by God's hand it would be the source of evil for us fornicating sinners. But it's not. It's the crazy bible thumpers who build ugly statues and put neon doves on the ceiling of the sanctuary. (It's a fact. I'm not making this shit up - I've attended a wedding there.)

The irony in this situation comes a bit late to me, but the thrill and relief from this realization is huge. It hits close to home - much like the fateful lightning. God can be found everywhere. But a good sex toy store? Those are hard to come by, people. I'm lucky to have one so close to me. And to that I say *lifts hands in the proper touchdown pose* Praise Jesus.

Some interesting facts about the statue, just for fun :

The statue was 62 feet tall and weighed 8 tons.
Construction began in June 2004.
Designed by Brad Coriell Nashville artist and Dayton native.
Built by sculptor James Lynch of Florida.
Funded by Lawrence and Darlene Bishop, Solid Rock Church pastors.
The project cost $250,000.
The steel frame was built in Lebanon. The body, of Styrofoam and fiberglass, was fabricated at Lynch’s studio in Florida.
The 13-foot long parts were transported by trucks to Monroe. Lynch’s studio is 13 feet tall.
Immortalized by comedian Heywood Banks in his novelty song, “Big Butter Jesus.”


H said...

Love it, great post

Advizor54 said...

Maybe God just has bad aim, I mean face it, he missed you too..... But you are married, he likes that part.

Anonymous said...

I personally think that God likes the porn store much better than the big butter Jesus statue. And every now and then a church here or there will emphasize the importance of sex, like the one that issued a challenge to their congregation to have sex every day for 30 days. I think that's the kind of church for me - sort of "between" churches right now for the past 23 years.

And as always, your wit, sarcasm and extreme sexiness and sexuality are greatly appreciated!!

Jack and Jill said...

Dan Savage is our hero! We haven't missed a podcast in years. We tune in whenever he turns up on a cable news show as a sex-positive talking head. Great story!